JohnHesse Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Hi - My ex-gf broke up with me about 3 months ago. At first i was really hurt, tried to tell her i loved her, and all that stuff, but realized it was hopeless, and that even if i got her back, it was kind of screwed up how she broke up with me. so i started no contact, this lasted about a month. she contacted me the night before her 30th birthday, and asked how i was, and was wondering how i was doing. I was doing pretty well, going out on dates, keeping busy, all the things this forum expouses, and which really works. anyways, i didn't respond right away, and over the course of the next couple of weeks, we traded sporatic emails etc, i didn't answer right away etc. i finally called her about 3 wks after she first contacted me, because deep down, i was curious if she missed me and if there was a second chance opportunity. we talked for alittle while, i told her id call her again, and for the next wk or so i was texting her and the such. anyways, i hear she's been dating someone new, somene she's known for a while but wasnt dating before. so i asked her to meet up for dinner last night, and we talked, i got alot of stuff off my chest... she told me just enough stuff to keep me thinking i had another chance, like she still cared about me, etc. So afterwards, i called and emailed a couple of times to ask her to hang out next weekend. I don't expect her to answer. The point is, i talked to a good friend of many years about this today, and she told me five words which - i hope - will finally wake me up. SHES NO GOOD FOR YOU. - and no matter how much you want her back, it won't be the same as when you first started dating because what happened - the break up - happened. my exgf is kind of a guy in that i think she wants me to still like her and pine after her, but doesnt want to do anything about it, and acts like its all my fault. i certainly have my faults, but i know im a good bfriend, a good catch etc. Even though i know she's no good for me, in the past month, i couldn't help but want to keep talking to her, even though NC for the month before felt sooo much better. I'm over it now - i suggest as hard as it is, don't ask yourself, how she or he makes you feel. that is certainly a big part of the equation, but the most important part of post breakup is the big question - were they good for you? ask yourself that and see if it makes a difference.
Guest Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 That was really thought provoking. Im coming out of a relationship that was not good for me, but i thought it was going to be something else. Married guy leaving his wife. Ya whatever. Now i love him but the in love feeling is gone. I just want to like go back in time and get what was. What was...turned out to be what is now. What is now is anger and hurt and bitterness. no it wasnt good for me. but i hate being alone.
MacGyver Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 This post really does make you open your eyes. All of you guys/girls who were dumped feel the anger, hate, bitterness, loneliness. Its ok to feel them. I have days where i suddenly fall right back into the hole as if she had just broken up with me. 1 & 1/2 months of NC is hard work, but its slowly going away. So as johnhesse said, ask yourself this question. "Was he/she really for you?" And i mean think about it! "Really!!! was he/she?"
Author JohnHesse Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 even after realizing this, and knowing that they're not good for me - it has helped in that now i KNOW i need to move on, no more pining, no more second thoughts and what ifs.... however - it will stilll be a tough, and somewhat lonely road until i find my next love...good thing is this experience has made me more sure of myself, more sure of what some of my faults are that need correcting, and determined that i need to better myself constantly and challenge myself.
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