rawr123 Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 Im new to this site.... please help. But feel like ill be a regular soon. I'm desperately trying to either get over or get back with this guy who I don't know how he feels about me anymore but Im certain its the same as I feel for him- I think. What happened: I am 18, but most people I hang with are much older, 2 to 9 years older so I ride in a different mental wavelength than my peers do. I was in a relationship with this guy, lets call him "A". A and I had been together for a little over 5 years and had tons of ups and downs, and were so in love. We were planning to get an apartment soon and planning out our lives together. One night when I went out to a restaurant with some friends of mine, there was a guy Ill call "B" who was 22 I had seen places before but never spoken to. There were 5 other people at the table and B sat directly across from me. He and I just struck up a conversation and it was as though the entire table disappeared. We kept everyone there for an extra hour just by ordering more foods and drinks and talked and talked. We kept talking while walking to the car. We sat next to each other and only talked to each other all the way to my house. He told me he wasnt looking for a girlfriend and I said well I have a boyfriend so Im not looking for a boyfriend. I got his number because he said he doesnt like to call people he feels like he's bothering them. The next day after school I text messaged him "Want to come chill at my house?" So he picked me up from school and we went to my house, sat on my back porch and talked for a couple hours when he said he had to go to his sisters basketball game and hopefully we'd chill again. When I walked him to the front door of my house he said he got a good vibe from my house and I said well thats a good sign! He left and literally when i shut the door all I could think of was how i missed him and I was just being stupid I couldnt feel that way about someone so fast. I literally loved him already. We finished each others sentences, thought the exact same ways, disagreed in perfect ways that broadened our thought processes, we just had this fantastic way with each toher. He wasnt my type even, in fact he was almost the opposite and my best friend had thought he was cute and said so a year earlier and i told her hell no he isnt. but now I found myself in love after our second meeting. I text messaged him once again "I want to go to the zoo tomorrow at 4- wanna go?" and he just responded with "yes". The next day after school i was watching out my teachers window in my last period of class to see if he was parked where he was the previous day and my heart fluttered just thinking of him. I felt so dumb. I went outside and there he was. We went to the zoo and had the best time. We stayed for almost 4 hours and just talked. I dont remember any animals. We even sat on a bench where there werent even animals around and just talked for hours. He told me that he doesnt know why he picked me up from school these last two days.. that he isnt like that and usually never would have just randomly picked up some chick to hang out with her like that its just not his way. After we got kicked out of the closed zoo, we went to a restaurant and at this point both of us were nauseated and nervous around each other like how you feel at the top of a rollercoaster. We ordered ice teas and french fries, but only after talking for an hour and ignoring the waiter just purely buy accident because we were so into conversation. Then once we ordered we both didnt drink our tea or were able to eat even a fry. We both felt nauseated and felt like leaving. As we were leaving, the hostess said "boy you guys are a cute couple!" and we both said "oh we arent together" at the same time and looked at each other and smiled. We went outside and just HARD flirted. Then kissing innuendos came into play but he didnt want to kiss me because of my boyfriend. but i kept flirting and grabbed him and kissed him. We kissed so passionately for like 10 minutes standing in the parking lot of a restaurant. He pushed me onto leaning on the trunk of his car and we kept kissing. Then I realized I needed to get home and he says "wow i feel so much better now" and I did too so I agreed. He took me to my house and we had a long kissing goodbye and planned to chill the next day. After a beaming day of school I call him and he picked me up and we went to his house and I met his family. He left the patio we were all on (his parents, me, his parents friends) to go do something and I kept talking to them and when he came back they were all laughing and talking about **** with me and then i left them and went inside with him where he made a comment about how he could have just left the house and id have been able to uphold a convo with the adults and his family with no problem (like insinuting he really liked that) We rented a movie (one id told him was my favorite and he'd love it probably) and put it in his tv in his room. I wanted to have sex but he said no he wanted to take it slow because he actually likes me and doesnt want to see me as a piece of meat and i was persistant but finally i agreed. We got under the covers and watched about half the movie when finally he just leaned over and started kissing me. We ended up having the most intense, connective, fitting sex Ive ever had. The next night was his friends birthday that im friends with too so i helped plan his party and we had a great time and had sex again and it was equally as fabulous and intensely passionate. The next night we went to a club with somef riends and we sat and talked instead of dancing. When we did dance though, our dancing was perfect for each other, always in tune and movement together. That night we had sex again and I told him I loved him. He said it back but I could tell considering he had so many past problems (hes very shy, insecure, been hurt VERY badly by an ex who was almost marriage material, and a big runner when he had been hurt he moved from israel to the usa. yeah that big of a runner. so i could tell it was like a switch had been clicked) after that he had to work for the government in new orleans when that hurricane came. We spoke on the phone every day and night he had available and he told me almost everything about his life. Mind you- he HATES cell phones and phones in general and thinks they should be used only for emergencies or meeting up with someone. his father even made jokes about how he almost talks to me more than him (he was working with his father with the government). he even took a couple days off and came back and only saw me and only told me he was in town. Id spend time with him and walk around the block tons of times just talking "walking the dog" that dog probably lost so much weight from just those days. When he came back (mind you EARLY for me) from the gov't job, we spent a lot of time together but i noticed he started becoming distant but in a vibe that was as though he was getting scared of his feelings for me. I knew with his past history he didnt want to get hurt and knew that I was very possible to hurt him. We werent ever technically together but it was somewhat unspoken although it was spoken that we WERENT together. One random day he asked me if I'd ever thought about being with a black guy *im a blonde blue eyed chick* and I said yeah but havent ever met any that Ive clicked with. The next night i went out with my best friend and her coworkers and her black manager. he was very attractive andcharming. HE bought me drinks and i danced with him and ended up kissing him. I knew I might mess round with him and didnt want to because i kept thinking of B. I called and text messaged B and told him I needed a place to stay because I might mess with this guy who I didnt want to and so B said to come over. I got the guy to take me to Bs house and while we were waiting for B to come outside and get me, the guy leaned over in the car and just started kissing me againand i was so drunk i was smiling. all of a sudden the guy goes "oh **** theres a dude there" and i look over and theres B standing outside of the window acting like hes looking at his cell phone unaware of what was happening so i said bye very quickly and got out and told B I was so glad he was there that guy was pretty forceful. I went inside and B almost refused to have sex wth me and eventually we did and i woke up that next mroning with a really bad vibe and while he was sleeping i got dressed and laid there thinking "**** **** ****" til he woke upa nd seemed jealous. B doesnt get jealous so hearing him say "well you sure enjoyed yourself last night, dont tell me you ddint want it i saw you smiling, you wanted it its okay whatever you were drunk" was heart wrenching. he took me home and wentto a job interview and the next day we went to chill at this house his parents bought (they sell houses) and i tried to kiss him and he wouldnt. He seemed extremely distant. After he dropped me off after an awkward night I never heard from him again. wouldnt pick up my phone calls, text messages were ignored and he wouldnt chill with mutual friends if i was there. 3 months of knowing each other and all this had happened. Oh I had also broken up with the boyfriend I had for a little over 5 years the night after B and I had kissed for the first time... I messaged him and called him for another 3 months and felt responsible. He never messaged me. I told him one day I got a bright red 2006 Audi A3 for my birthday and i was going to bring him his psychology text book he'd lent me. So I brought it to his work and didnt stay to see him. Got in my car and as i start it he waves from his office window. A month later after no response or anything and I hadnt called either, I was at a mutual friends house when he shows up. It was very awkward. He said hello to everyone but me then 10 minutes later says hello. We all went to Dennys and he ended up having to sit next to me. IT was awkward and we never spoke directly to each other but we did say the same thing at the same time to the group 3 times... which made my heart flutter and made me love him all over for that amazing brain connection we have even still. Later I tried to talk to him and he just looked at the floor and siad we arent compatible and I said thats all i wanted to know and left the house. Later I invited him to come to the club we were all going to that he didnt want to go to and he said no and left. I didnt see him again until a week later and I went with a mutual friend to his house to pick up some **** and he was very rude almost ignoring me, but his body language read completely differently. When his paretns got home they were very happy to see me,hugs and all and only had known me for like a 2 months of those 3 months. They said outloud "B didnt you want that audi a3 too? Yeah you did, !" and they asked me if I knew he wanted a bright red 2006 audi a3 and I said no I didnt knowt hat and he just was silent and seemed embarrassed.he blurts out "i didntlike the 2006 models I like the older ones" (there are no older ones, this is the first a3 ever in production so i knew he was lying) - I ended up speaking with his mom for a long time... B even left his own house and I stayed and spoke with his mom privately in my car- where she told me shed never seen him that smitten with someone- when she'd call her husband when they were doing that government job, shed ask what B was doing and he was always talking to me. She told me that after B and I quit talking he went to israel for 2 weeks (like he was running again) and that by his reaction to me being at his house that night she hadnt seen him that hurt in a long time and that I obviously had a huge effect on him because hes never that quiet and flippant towards anyone. I told her I loved him and she told me she knew she loved B's father as soon as she met him and he wasnt easy to get and told me a similar story had happened to her and eventually it worked out. I havent seen him since but once- a couple nights ago I went to a club with a mutual friend and he happened to be there. We once again talked all the time, and then my boyfriend Id gotten back with (almost at 6 years now) shows up, B gets very awkward and distant starts talking to these two really huge sluts and then leaves without the sluts but left in a rush, didnt say good bye and drove away fast. I have since asked him by text message to be my friend and that im not trying to get back with him (which I DESPERATELY want but will settle with friends as long as I can be around him)and that he should quit ignoring me. Im not the kind of person to be so in love with someone who doesnt want me. Im a strong mind and have always been able to handle myself. I believe there might be ar eason im holding on to this relationship or whatever it is/was and I dont know what to do. I know hes a runner and is pretty much a pussy but i for some reason love him and know theres something there and dont know if i should call or just wait until we run into each other again some weeked maybe or if i should go to his house or what im so confused and either want him out of my mind, out of my every ****ing thought, out of my heart, or i want him back, to be mine only and to love him forever. When Im with my current boyfriend all i do is think of him. Ive been in love 4 times and this is the most intense ever and I really feel so so so so strongly its ridiculous and I know Ill have so much more life to find people and so many more people to get to know and love but there has to be a solution to this constant pain and depression I need someones advice please i need this. can you help me somehow????
Diver012 Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 You both felt this passionate intense romance and it felt great. Problem is you werent mature enough to handle it. Your hormones are raging, your in the middle of growing up. It sucks to hear that, but its true. A true, healty Loving relationship, you would have never ever been messing around with another guy if "B"meant so much to you. You wouldnt have even given him a second thought. Drunk or no drunk... it dont matter. Hes gone. Life will go on, and the best thing you can do is to learn from this experience. You were in lust, not love. Theres nothing wrong with that. Its human nature. You will have this kind of wonderful experience with someone again. Next time you will be better prepared for it. Its just life... and life goes on. GOod Luck
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