Try long distance or breakup?

[CGrace44]

I have been together with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. I have been ambivalent about whether or not we should stay together as our relationship becomes a long distance relationship or not because I am unsure if I love him.

 

We have had so many good times but so many others that have been terrible. I have forgiven him for those but I can't forget them. I am going to be 6 hours away for him at college and I don't know if I should be willing to try to make things work or end it. And if I end it then I am afraid of feeling like a fool to abandon what we have in search of another relationship.

 

I feel like I’m settled down and married with him. We don't go out and party like we should being young adults. I told him that I want the "college experience" and he assumed I meant getting drunk everynight and sleeping around so its obvious that he doesn't trust me.

 

 

I read a quote somewhere that said “Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.” And feel like I care too much about what he thinks that it clouds my own judgment. It sometimes feels like he makes my decisions for me.

 

 

HELP! I need advice about what to do!! Should I try a long distance relationship when I have doubts or throw away a year and a half?

Thx, CGrace44

[Sally00]

Noooooo don't throw it away!!!!!!! 1 1/2 years is a long time. You two have had many great times together and can in the future, too. Why just get rid of something like that? Love is rare.

 

I don't see a reason at all to end it. Sure, there will be distance. But it's worth a try... to stay together. If you don't try, you'll just end up regretting it. You'll just keep wondering "What if this" and "What if that?" You'll never know if you don't try.

 

I went to church once and they celebrated couples who have been married for over 50 years. It was sooo sweet. There were so many great stories... it reassured me that true love DOES exist. There was one couple... the girl was a nursing student in college and the guy was in the Air Force. They were, of course, in a long distance relationship. But they ended up marrying each other and spent their lives together. It was the sweetest thing.

 

Long distance relationships can be successful. Don't end this something special with your guy because of the distance. Just try it out and see what happens. If you or him meet someone else, then atleast you can say you tried. Whatever happens, happens. If it's meant to be, it will be.

[DuRaS27]

Just recently for some odd reason I had the "pleasure" of watching several long distance relationships and even being in one of them.

 

To say the least, every single one of them ended with a break up. Long distance rarely ever works.

 

My own was in a long distance relationship with a 4.5 hour distance. It was approximately 7 months in the long distance relationship and 3 months together. The truth is, our relationship was better when we didn't see each other. When I came home over winter break, we had a horrible time. But when we were apart and rarely saw each other, we had an AWESOME time. Those few times we visited (usually 4 or 5 times a semester) were GREAT, and we had a ton of fun--not to mention a ton of sex.

 

So we made it work by talking on the phone a lot (approximately 500 hours). We both had Verizon so it cost us nothing. If you're thinking you'll be too busy with schoolwork and partying to have time to talk to him a lot you're completely wrong. I went out partying almost every night (had my schedule set so I had Tuesdays and Thursdays off), and I was/am a BioChemistry major. I received straight A's (except for one B+) last semester and my college is consistently ranked high on USNews and other media. Point is, you can make time--if I made 500 hours of time then anyone can.

 

You should also try to see each other once a month.

 

A big thing is loyalty. Since your significant other is not around, you start to feel like you could get away with having sex with someone else. To be honest, I nearly cheated on my ex and she knows about it. But I realized how it would just ruin everything if I cheated on her--so I stayed loyal. A big issue you must answer yourself is, "will he be loyal and will I be loyal?" Look at your past history and his past history and that's the best way to tell.

 

Anyway, I shouldn't pretend to be an expert on this stuff (I know there's a message board for this sort of thing). But this is how I made it work... although it ended in a breakup, the breakup was for other reasons--like the fact that things sucked when we saw each other over winter break and summer break.

 

Oh yes, and the fact that you feel like you're settled down and married to him is never a good sign. That's the way my ex felt (the one with the long distance relationship) and that was eventually one of the reasons we broke up. However, when you see each other on weekends or over breaks it's going to make it extra special and who knows, it might just work out better.

[magichands]

However, when you see each other on weekends or over breaks it's going to make it extra special and who knows, it might just work out better.

This is a good point. Kind of like a honeymoon over, and over, and over again.

[CGrace44]

Thanks for the advice. I think I will try it out. I would hate to regret giving him up just because of a LDR. I'm kind of excited to see how things will work out.

 

But if I find out that its not working out then how would I break up with him? I'm going to be a freshman without a car so I wouldn't be able to drive the 6 hours to do it to his face which would be the respectable thing to do. Is it completey terrible to break up with someone over the phone?

[magichands]

I'm going to be a freshman without a car so I wouldn't be able to drive the 6 hours to do it to his face which would be the respectable thing to do.

So... you seriously have no way to get there and back? I mean, I am in the Middle of Nowhere, and there are still buses. It might not be as-the-crow-flies, but I can still get around.

 

Where there is a will, there is usually a way.

[DuRaS27]

Yeah, well one thing about busses.... is.... they suck. They're really, really horrible. I know I was 4.5 hours away from my ex, and it took 9 hours to get home on a bus. So yeah, busses suck. Use the damn train--haha.