SexyChef Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 My BF and I are in the process of breaking up. He moved in while he was looking for a house and has decided he does not want to be together any more. This is no surprise. He has been wanting it for som time but he has stayed out of guilt because I break down every time he brings it up. The love is gone and so is the passion. He has been emotionally abusive for quite some time. I admit fault in the relationship as well though. I am agressive and difficult. But, never cruel like him. He says things I would never imagine someone who loved me would say. Never threats just really cruel comments about my person and body. We were long distance for 2 years and I moved here to be with him. It has been 2 years since I moved here and he does not feel like he wants to marry me. He feels someone else out there is better suited for him. My question is how do I handle this with grace? I am an emotional wreck. He does not have a house yet so we are stuck until he puts an offer on a house he has been looking at. My freinds and family say to kick him out but there is a aprt of me that hopes he will stay. I still love him even though he does not love me. I am turning 30 in a couple of weeks and we had plans to celebrate because we have the same birthday. I guess those plans are out now. I am just lost. I am going to be 30 and single. I know this is not a healthy realtionship but why cant I let go? edit: sorry about the repost...just duplicated.
Returning Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 You're going to be 30 and you; single is a state of mind. As has been said many times before 'Only you can make you happy'. It's a bummer the relationship isn't working out, *hugs* hon. Thats the way the biscuit crumbles. Get onto your own reality, find you, be honest with you about you. It is better to be out of a relationship and content than in a relationship that makes you fret or be miserable. Find out what needs are being fulfilled by feeling the way you do about the situation, may hark back to some earlier experience. If you get to understand yourself and how you tick you will be a lot happier. Avoid value judging your actions as 'right' 'wrong' 'good' or 'bad' see things as 'wise' or 'unwise'. You can only do what your level of awareness will allow you at the time. Try and get to the point were you can thank the man for enabeling you to embark on a wonderful journey of self discovery, raise your level of awareness. It's a big wide world and you only get one life, when he is gone you are free...FREE! Free to do whatever you please whenever you please. Embrace life. Love yourself, everything else will fall into place.
Author SexyChef Posted August 1, 2006 Author Posted August 1, 2006 Thanks for responding. I was afraid no one would. I do feel this will be a liberating experience but it is the when, why and how that bothers me. I cannot help but feel rejected. I don't know when he is leaving so it is just a waiting game and very uncomfortable for me. We are still having sex which I dont understand yet he fails to show me any affection outside of the bedroom. And that affection is limited. Anyways, this all really hurts and I just want to wake up next to someone who loves me and have a beautiful family life together. I though this was going to be it but I guess I was wrong. Now, I have to start over and I just don't want to. What do I do with all the photos, gifts, letters and other reminders? I will just die the day he leaves. Help me get through this please.
Returning Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 Some times it's comfortable to hold onto past things but in reality you have to move forward. There are no easy answers or quick fixes, only time will heal. The sex thing will be confusing and upsetting you to some degree so the sooner you start phasing that out the better. Your body is a temple and you should only share it with someone who appreciates you. This guy sounds selfish and cruel. Starting over isn't so bad, it's an adventure. Is he approachable? It would be sensible to set some boundries while he is under your roof. If he can't treat you with care and affection he should move on asap. If he doesn't want a relationship the sooner he is out of the picture the sooner you can start healing. He needs to appreciate you and show some genuine respect, if he can't he shouldn't be abusing your hospitality, and you shouldn't be letting him. Friends with benefits can be quite damaging in the long run especially if he isn't treating you with the mutual respect of a true friend. As for the gifts, pictures etc, if you want to keep the memories box them up and fasten them securely and put them in the loft well out of the way so you don't keep coming across them by accident. The pictures etc will set you right back to day 1 of pain if you come across them unexpectedly and may stall your healing process. I know it really hurts, my heart goes out to you, No Contact and some self realization is the only cure, find out what you really want from your life and go get it. You were together 4 years? I'm 8 months out of a 16 year relationship and at first it hurt like the worst of hurting things, time and rebuilding my self esteem is helping, I joined a Thia-Boxing school and am getting fitter, regular exercise really helps and the Muay Thia workout is brilliant for getting you out of a rut. The people at the school are very nice and it has helped increase my social circle and allow me to get out and about away from the places I used to hang with my Ex. I take each day at a time and at this point I'm happier than I ever was with my Ex, I'm not looking for another relationship as It is still too soon, but hey if the right one comes along I wouldn't rule it out.
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