DuRaS27 Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 She dumped me three months ago. We've been in contact sicne then, but it hasn't been consistent. Finally, I'm starting to get over her and I'm interested in other girls, so I stop calling her and stop answering her phone calls and talking to her for extended periods of time. She calls me because she's worried about me. She calls me because she wants to talk. Last night she calls me and I answer for the first time in two days. She starts just talking about everything. Starts telling me about how she found the ticket to a movie we went to see. She says she misses me, and I tell her, "okay". Then I say that I'm really busy and have to get off the phone with her. Thirty seconds later she calls me and says I'm playing mind games with her. I deny it, and I tell her that I'm just really busy. Then she says, "what are you doing then?" I tell her it's none of her business and she doesn't believe me. Then I allow her to go on and on about some crap about how she feels like she's going to be unhappy no matter what choice she makes with me. At this point my brother calls me and it's the perfect excuse to get off the phone with her. I tell her I'll call her back (though I have no intention of doing so) and then I switch over to my brother. Half an hour later she calls me--and then her phone starts running out of charge and we have a really short conversation where I tell her 'goodnight'. Two minutes later, she calls me again (on a new phone), practically crying saying how she didn't say, "I love you" before she got off the phone and she was worried that I'd get killed and she didn't say it. After this we have a long conversation where she says that she loves me, she wants to be with me, but she's scared to get back into the relationship because it was so hard to get out of it last time. She keeps getting this feeling back from the last month of our relationship where she felt "trapped". She admits she can't let me go. I get pretty pissed off. Then she starts saying how she's screwed up in the head and she hates the person she's become and she can't believe she's doing this. Finally she ends the conversation and says she loves me. What do I do now? What do I do? She obviously wants to get back together, but yet she doesn't? It's so freakin' confusing and I'm not even sure I want to get back with her after all this crap.
basscatcher Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 OMG As your read your post I couldn't help but think 'This guy could be my XH with his XGF!!" I could see this taking place between them. This girl is messed up and if you continue to play nice with her she won't ever let you go. Tell her your done, its over, she needs to let go because you have. She is obsessed with you. The two of you broke up 3 months ago and you still have contact with her when things get pushed too far. I too did this..RECENTLY... I had to tell the guy that I needed No Contact and asked him to leave me alone. I told him straight out that I needed time to get myself and my life together and its been out of control for months and he isnt helping by being in my life. She won't let you go until you make her have too. I think you are being to kind and caring towards her and it's leading her to hope because your being nice. Stop it.. Its time to cut her off and tell her you are done and you won't accept anymore of her phone calls. You are trying to move on with your life and just when you think you can do that she interrupts your path and sets you back.. Do you want to work things out with her or not?
Kengne Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 What do I do now? What do I do? She obviously wants to get back together, but yet she doesn't? It's so freakin' confusing and I'm not even sure I want to get back with her after all this crap. You're right on the money with this one, but there is nothing you can say to convince her that getting back is the right thing to do. She must arrive at this determination (or not) on her own. And the longer you stay in C w her, the longer she remains indecisive, and the longer you remain caught up in her drama of 'I-love-you-but-can't-be-with-you'. You know what you need to do - go back into NC. Not to force her to make a decision, but for YOUR sake. Her emotions are all over the damn place, and I can imagine it's taking a toll on you going from one extreme i.e. "It's Over" to the other i.e. "There's still hope for us yet!" Prepare for the worst, and don't hope. For now, it's over and you need to act accordingly. Go NC. She's too afraid to take a chance with you - that's her problem. You don't need to sit there on the phone while she sobs her heart out. She has other friends she can cry too. People cannot have their cake and eat it too. I believe in good-bye, and when people can walk away from me I let them walk. They leave, because they are not joined to me. And if they are not joined to me, then there is nothing I can do to make them stay. She has walked away from the rel'ship. So let her be. Last... in my honest opinion it seems like the NC may force her to come back sooner than later. But I advise you to proceed with caution because she might come back quickly because she misses having someone there who loves her. After NC - you might not even want her back! So either way, NC all the way. Good luck! K.
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