Guest Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Hello everyone. This is my first time on this web site. I thoght maybe I could write how I am feeling to get it out and maybe I might feel a little better maybe not... I have been seperated now from my husband for almost a year. He filed for the divorce somtime in January. In Feb. of 05 we had our second child and I was recovering from a c-section. My husband wanted me to return back to work, but with 2 children we could not afford childcare. And we only had one car. My husband worked at wal-mart and was a hard worker but it just was not enough money. I always encouraged him to persue a better job for our family. Needless to say in June we were going to lose our home because we could not make the rent. So my husband decided that it would be best for us to move with my parents, which is ten hours away. He was suppose to get a better job and save up money to make us a home so we could be together agian. October rolled around and he got the better job but had not saved any money. I have no clue what he was doing with the money because he sent us very little. I was forced to go and get foodstamps to help pay for some groceries. In the process of getting foodstamps, you have to have proof that the father is sending somekind of support. I sat in the child support office, where I tought I would never be. Where I never wanted to be. But I had to do somthing for our children. My husband was really upset about this. I begged him to come live with us and get a job so we could be together. He refused. At the end of october my children and I return to pensacola. I stayed with a friend because his mother would not let me stay in her home. I got a job as a nursing assistant working night shift. I stayed up all day with our children and all night to work. I worked about a week. My husbands mother would not even help us out so that we could get back on our feet. The friend that I was staying with was having problems of her own. I was using her car to go back and forth to work. Her husband got new hours on his job so I had no car. So, the girls and I came back to live with my parents. But before I left His mother had to tell me what a horrile person I was. And my husband said nothing to her. Our marrriage has mot been the best but not the worst. My husband has always taken up for his mother no matter what. His mother toys with his head and he believes everything shes says no matter how crazy it is. This past week was our 9th anniversary. I have been cring all week. There are so many questions going through my head. He has put me and the girls through hell for six months now. But I try to think of all of the hell and I still think before that and it makes me sad that he is not here with us.
want to move on Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 I am so sorry to hear what your going thru. I can't believe his Mom was saying horrible things about you! From how I see it, your the one taking care of the kids. He left you and the kids. How rotten of him!!! He needs to grow up and be a man! You are doing the best you can do. When your kids are grown, they'll remember all you did for them and that dad was not there. I don't know if this helps you in anyway but please keep your chin up because things happen for a reason. I have been going through a lot lately too and what helps me is to hang around people who help me to feel better about myself. Find someone you can confide in that doesn't pull you down. Remember, you are a good person and your doing the best you can do.
Gunny376 Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 That you're going through a lot right now ~ my heart goes out to you! If you were my daughter ~ somebody would be totting an azz-whopping! My SIL knows I'll be on him like a pack of hungry dogs on a three legged cat ~ quick, fast, and in a hurry like!!!! if he tried to pull a stunt like this! You're better off without this guy ~ he's no man to leave you and his children hanging like that. I would say he needs to "man-up" but he can't do that because first he's got to grow the **** up! Parenthood ~ being a father doesn't end at conception, my Dear. I don't care if he's got to sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water and live off of spilt grain from feed trucks and road kill, and work three jobs ~ he needs to man up and take care of those children. Whenever I speak to someone that's going through a divorce, I always tell them to just make sure that they trade up ~ in your case that's not going to be hard to do. And, yes there are plenty of good men out there who will take you and your children in, and provide for you and them as if they were they were your own. Although you're probally aren't going to find them in a bar. There are good people out here, its just the 10% that you see on the Jerry Springer show that make the rest of us look bad.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I don't care if he's got to sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water and live off of spilt grain from feed trucks and road kill, and work three jobs ~ he needs to man up.... Dang Gunny! That's some manly man stuff. You're gonna make some little woman REALLY happy one of these days, btw. Anyway, I'm in agreement. That boy needs to grow up. If it were me, I wouldn't let him back through my door until he'd EARNED his right to be there. And in case he's a slow learner.... Why don't you see an attorney and start getting some regular child support? Alot of times, seeing the reality of the situation tends to help a guy wise up. As we all know.... "Mr. Reality don't play"!
Gunny376 Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 We all know what it is! Its written upon your heart the day you were born! Just do the right thing! Doing the "right thing" cost me! Big time! It cost me materially, it cost me finacially! But, I did the right thing. I've done more than right by my XW, and I've done right for and by my children. But, I did the "right" thing! So what? I'm alive? Another "Gift" the Corps has given me? Hell! I'm just grateful I dodged all those bullets pointed at me! I'm still here! I'm still alive. Surivior's remorse and PTSD and all! I'm alive? Thank God and Jesus!
Lor Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 If money is very tight, which sounds like its the case, check with your local soc serv for some pro bono lawyer help. btw, there is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting help, like food stamps, etc, when you have no other alternative and you have to feed your children. Yes, I talk from experience. I was a single mother at 18, going to college full-time and working part-time on the weekends. I made a whole whopping $500 one year!! Your situation is what the funds are there for, not the people who want free cable and all the junk food they can eat. Hold you chin up, walk with dignity and apply for help. Its only temporary. Someone has to be strong for your kids and it doesn't sound like your H is the man for the job. They will also help you with child care. Actually, I'm glad you think its humiliating--that shows you have dignity and pride.
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