Wes Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 My girlfriend and I have been pretty serious for about 1.5 years now. During the first two months, we moved pretty fast. We are both still virgins, though. Anyway, during the time we've been together, things have been excellent. We never fight, we both have 100% trust in each other, and we are both each other's best friend. We've talked about getting married several times, but have acknowledged that it won't happen until we are both out of college (I'm 21 and she's 20, btw). Everything was perfect up until around April, which is when she said I was smothering her and that I needed to give her her space. So I did. I didn't do NC, but there was very limited contact. For example, I only talked to her on AIM twice during this period, and it was for about 2 minutes each, just before I was going to bed. I gave her her space for about 4 days, and after that, she was begging to see me again. So from then up until about 2 weeks ago, everything was going great again. Then just out of nowhere...BAM. She tells me she feels tied down and smothered, again. She starts telling me that we're young and that we shouldn't be so tied down and serious, and that she would like to be able to meet new people. I was fine with the idea of being in a toned down relationship with her...no problem. However, the next day, she tells me we should go from being in a serious relationship to being in an "open" relationship, which is something I am very much against. I think it's very selfish to want to be in an open relationship. Her definition of it was that her and I would still be a "couple", but if a guy ever asked her out, she could go out with them as a friend. To me, that told me she wasn't happy being with me. A couple of days later, I decided to have a talk with her and tell her I wasn't very crazy about the idea. I kept saying "If you don't want to be with me, just say so", and she kept saying she wasn't sure what she wanted. I asked her if she wanted to break up with me, and she said that she wasn't sure. She said something like "I don't want to break up with you and then two weeks from now, regret it." She knows that if she breaks up with me, I won't go back to her. To me, if someone breaks up with you, they're basically saying "You're not good enough for me." So why should I go back? Anyway, she said the conversation was starting to make her feel awkward and that she was feeling awkward just being around me. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said that we should take a break from each other for a couple of weeks and see how we feel afterward (this conversation occured last Wednesday, btw). So I've gone NC with her since then. Today, however, she texted me and asked me if I was feeling better (I've been sick for about the last week or so), and I replied with "Yeah I've felt much better ever since about Thursday", which is not a lie. She replied with "That's good." That was earlier today, and neither of us have said anything since. Right now, I'm kind of in limbo with it all. I would really rather us stay together because I could very easily see myself marrying this girl in the future, and she really is a good person. If she had broken up with me last Wednesday, when I had not been expecting anything, I would have been devestated. However, if she was to break up with me now, I almost feel like I'm halfway over her already, only because I guess I've already prepared for the worst. I still feel like she is my best friend, and she feels the same with me, so it was very hard for me to give her such a short, blunt reply earlier today. What I really wanted to do was ask her how her day was, what she's been doing the last few days, etc. But, at the time, and even right now, I feel like continuing NC is the best thing to do, until she comes around to me. However, I also don't want to be too indifferent or careless because she may see that as "well, he doesn't even want to speak to me anymore, so I might as well break it off with him." I actually had thought that maybe tomorrow or the next day, I could ask how she's been doing the last few days. So that's why I come here. What do you guys think? Continue NC? Or no?
Kengne Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Right now, I'm kind of in limbo with it all. I would really rather us stay together because I could very easily see myself marrying this girl in the future, and she really is a good person. If she had broken up with me last Wednesday, when I had not been expecting anything, I would have been devestated. However, if she was to break up with me now, I almost feel like I'm halfway over her already, only because I guess I've already prepared for the worst. I still feel like she is my best friend, and she feels the same with me, so it was very hard for me to give her such a short, blunt reply earlier today. What I really wanted to do was ask her how her day was, what she's been doing the last few days, etc. But, at the time, and even right now, I feel like continuing NC is the best thing to do, until she comes around to me. However, I also don't want to be too indifferent or careless because she may see that as "well, he doesn't even want to speak to me anymore, so I might as well break it off with him." I actually had thought that maybe tomorrow or the next day, I could ask how she's been doing the last few days. So that's why I come here. What do you guys think? Continue NC? Or no? This is why I don't believe in breaks. Clearly your gf is uncertain about the rel'ship, thus the suggestion of a 'break' (which 99.99% of the time leads to a breakup, in a very long & drawn out fashion). I know this, you know it and she knows it. But the question is, what are YOU going to do? Let the future of your rel'ship rest in her uncertain hands, she who wants an 'open' rel'ship? Do you passively wait for weeks to go by, talking here and there until that oh-so-fateful day when she calls you to say "It's over."? Or do you take an active stance NOW by telling her how you feel and that she either has all-of-you, or none-of-you? Personally - I would not want to be with someone who was 'uncertain' about me, and our rel'ship. It does not matter how much I cared about them, or envisioned a future with them. I love myself more, and refuse to settle for someone who is lukewarm. I'd have to do what I felt was right for me (even if it hurt). IMO - I think you need to take care of yourself FIRST. Talk to your gf, and find out if she is still 'uncertain'. If she is - I think you should end it now because 1) you deserve to be with smo who is certain and 2) she may not realize what she has till it's gone. I know you've said once it's over you would not take her back. And I applaud you for that. Because if she lets you walk away - that's HER loss. And you know what - you're young like me (I'm 23) and I can guarantee you'll get over her. It seems to me you are on that path already. Good luck, and keep us posted! K.
johnnytable Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 I second this poster. My ex was asking for a break as well, but we decided not to. Instead it was a long drawnout breakup lasting for months. Totally not worth it and a bad idea. Of course this is a lot clearer now Essentially a "break" is just a wussy way to get out of a relationship. Its a way to test the breakup without actually doing it. No integrity in that!
Recommended Posts