Guest Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 i had been best friends with this girl for a year and a half. it only took me the first half year to fall for her, the next half i spent with optimisim for something more. I could tell she liked me. I was always there for the girl. always. through hard times in her family, through a relationship with some guy that lasted for one week, but had appearently struck home in her heart. he didnt really care about her, but she was completely enamored by him. we talked constantly, about everything. Then, about a month ago, i invited her down the cape with my family. We went kayaking, and i kissed her for the first time in the middle of the lake at sunset. it was nice, to say the least. The next three weeks were bliss for me. a year and a half of being just a friend, and now she was all mine. the next three weeks were bliss for me, but they were laced with doubt from her. she was very insecure when it came to what our friends thought and what my family thought of her. Our friends were happy for us and my parents liked her, and i always reassured her of this whenever she brought it up. She was also always afraid of hurting me. She said that i liked her too much, that she could see it in my eyes... im not sure what she meant, but i knew that i was actually happy for once. im used to being a solver and a pleaser, always reassuring other people, always sharing their load... but with her, i forgot about any burden... i was completely happy with life for once... So, after three weeks, we're at my house, and after fooling around for a bit, she stares into my eyes for a while, nd the smile fades from her face... then she tells me, flat out and quite blunt. "I dont think we should go out any more... I 'm not in love with you..." then she went on mentioning that she was wasting her time, that she was shallow, that she didnt want to hurt me, that she didnt want me to hate her, etc.. I could tell she was just trying to push me away, and i knew her well enough that i wouldnt get a straight answer from her that night. So, the next day she calls. I'm distraught, but slightly confused about her reasoning, so i talk it out with her. Basically, it comes down to two reason: A) she has commitment issues; shes a major flirt, i knew this, but i knew she wouldnt do anything while she was going out with me. But i think she still wanted the option, she didnt want to feel tied down... and B) she didnt want to hurt me. She's an in the moment person. She live and does everything as an in the moment decision. Our first kiss was in the moment. You could tell she was an "in the moment" type of person because every single time I kissed her, she held her eyes closed for a couple second after we parted. she was absorbing the moment and enjoying it. Anyways, the way she figured, we were going to fall apart eventually, and she figured that shed be the one to ruin us, as she knows that i care about her too much to. she figured eventually shed give into a moment and cheat on me. Trust is a VERY big thing with me. If i cant trust someone i normally dont get along with them. But betrayal is the worst yet. Safe to say, cheating on me intentionally wouldve been a direct betrayal. Seeking to kiss someone else wouldve been the surest way to get me to hate her.Getting cought in the moment... wouldnt have. She wasnt sure which one it wouldve been, but she knew she didnt want me hating her in any way shape or form. Personally, i dont credit reason B at all. I knew her wellenough, i knew what i was getting into. Sure, there was a chance i would get hurt. But, i was positive ide be happy while i was with her. Now she wants to go back to how things were. she wants to be able to call me every day, tell me about her day, ask me about mine, joke around, ask eachothers opinions, ask for advice, etc... she wants me to be her best friend... and im not sure i can. If i do, Im going to be optimistic-to-a-fault then shell get over her commitment issues and well be together again. If not... itll crush her. I cant face that. So... Do I swallow my bitterness and be there for her once more, waiting until she gets over her commitment issues... or do i give up on us in every way shape and form, possibly making things awkward with our friends, since were in the same circles? Some background on the girl: Shes idealistic, fun to talk to. Shes afraid of losing people which leads to her fear of getting attached; But once she does get attached, her fear of losing people increases. Shes confident, and usually says what she thinks, without fear of consequence which is what first attracted me to her. Shes fuzzy on the line between lust an love, confusing the two frequently. Before me, shes had four relationships, none of them lasting longer than a week, formerly anyways. Flirts a lot, but normally knows when or when not to cross the line... eh... not really expecting my feedback, but figured it was worth a try.
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