NeverPostedBefore Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I've been a long time reader of this forum, but never had to post. I'm not overly pleased to be on this side of things, really. I apologize for the length, it's hard to sum up four months. I met Internet Guy four months ago and we really hit it off. The usual...hours and hours on messenger, hours and hours on the phone, the works. I had never met anyone from online before, so I was taking things slowly on the issue of meeting in person. There was also the issue of distance--I am currently living in England and he is in the States. We are both American, though, so we weren't too worried about the distance long term, since we knew it could be corrected if we both wanted that. As he said, that we liked each other so much was the only important thing...everything else was just 'details'. He was always supremely confident in us, whereas I was the worrier. I told him again and again that we should look for people closer to us, who we could meet in person (because I knew how attached we were getting online, I was worried what would happen if it went badly after a real life meeting)...I even sent him profiles of women I thought he would like in his area. He said that he wasn't interested; that he knew that to try other women out meant losing out on me and he wanted to try to make it work with me first. Let me try to move along faster. Please understand that things were wonderful, we were crazy about each other, the phone sex was steamy, etc. So we finally agreed to meet. He flew out here to see me. The weekend was...phenomenal. We could hardly keep our hands off each other. We kissed on trains, held hands everywhere, slept together like magic. We hated to part, and he called me as soon as he walked back through his door...even before he went to the bathroom. Obviously, things were different between us on the phone. Not less affectionate, but very much that we didn't seem as easy with how to talk about the relationship now that it was no longer about concerns of how it would be when we met (we talked through all the possible problems--even going so far as to say that if the visit wasn't good for any reason, we would just arrange another one and try again)--now that we knew it was good, it was almost as though we were stopped by the fact that there were no problems to work through, other than starting the long distance slog. He returned on Monday. On Friday, we had our first less fun conversation. He confessed that he was worried that he would not be able to keep up with me sexually (don't get me wrong--we had a lot of sex. But we had both held off on all masturbation for two weeks previously and this, with whatever other factors, made me more ready for a lot of sex and him, while wanting the sex, only physically capable of intercourse a few times that weekend--I did not concern myself with that. We had plenty of oral, plenty of play, and really...wanting to have intercourse more than twice a day when you just meet is really just greedy); I tried my best to reassure him that I very firmly believed that this was in large part due to the stress of meeting, the two weeks dry spell, and just being out of practice, but I don't know if he was reassured. He also said that he wished things could be as easy as they were before. I was very upset by this, since I had been looking very forward to this new phase in our relationship and told him I needed time to think. We had stilted online conversations for the next couple of days. Finally, I told him late Monday night that we needed to work things out. He said that he felt the relationship was causing us both too much stress and he didn't think he could handle us being apart. So, even though he "would most likely regret this in the morning" he felt we should end things. I told him that I didn't want to make any big pronouncements when we were both tired and that I would wait to hear from him. If he contacted me, I would think he wanted to work things out, if he didn't...that he didn't. And that I wouldn't give him any deadline, but that he had to understand that I could only wait so long. So here we are nearly a week later. I haven't heard from him. He hasn't come online, except one time, when he came on to the messengers we use only when talking to each other, sat silently for ten minutes and then logged off. I'm falling in love with this guy. He really is just so wonderful; kind and clever and funny as all hell. But I also don't want to be raked over the coals waiting for a guy who isn't going to ever come around. What do you guys think? Is this all just nerves from going from expectation to reality? Is he just not as attracted to me as he thought he would be? (He said that he was and that that wasn't the problem, but maybe he was just being nice?) Did he not have as much fun on the weekend as I thought he did? (He said at one point that even he hadn't been optimistic enough to think it would go this well, but maybe he didn't mean it?) I'm at a loss here. Things were always good between us, the weekend was incredible, but I've just been dumped a week later. Part of me thinks that it is just the nerves finally catching up to him--he never worried about how we would work this relationship, and now he is. And probably part of it is his worries about being 'sexually inadequate' (DEFINITELY his words, not mine! I am still ready to jump his bones! ) And the real question: Should I wait for him? Try to get in touch with him? Run away and never look back? Please help.
Tony T Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I think the real problem is now that he's met you in person and the encounter was so wonderful, he's scared to death. Most likely he has serious issues with intimacy. For people like that, it's real easy to carry on an online, telephone relationship...but far more frightening once it has turned physical. You've got some good theories, too. Going into this new phase puts some stress on him he didn't have before. However, as long as you've been supportive I can't imagine him being afraid he can't keep up with you sexually. That's simply something the two of you work out. What to do? Sit back and do nothing. Let him make the moves and when you talk to him be yourself just like you've always been. If he doesn't call, you don't need his butt.
NeverPostedBeforer Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I think the real problem is now that he's met you in person and the encounter was so wonderful, he's scared to death. Most likely he has serious issues with intimacy. For people like that, it's real easy to carry on an online, telephone relationship...but far more frightening once it has turned physical. You've got some good theories, too. Going into this new phase puts some stress on him he didn't have before. However, as long as you've been supportive I can't imagine him being afraid he can't keep up with you sexually. That's simply something the two of you work out. What to do? Sit back and do nothing. Let him make the moves and when you talk to him be yourself just like you've always been. If he doesn't call, you don't need his butt. Thank you for your comment, Tony. I do think that you're right in that I need to sit back and do nothing...I'm trying to remind myself that all of this has happened over a very short amount of time and if he really is just dealing with the stress of the relationship moving to the next stage, I need to give him a bit of time. The problem I have is that I was once in a very long relationship with a man who broke up with me every time we had a fight, or he was in a bad mood, or the wind was blowing in from the North. I have gotten paranoid that I'll end up repeating the same mistakes, and I think I may have tarred this guy a bit with the same brush. I'll try to breathe. But you are right--if he doesn't call at some point in the nearish future, I will need to move on. I'll just keep my fingers very tightly crossed that I won't need to make that decision.
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