MarkNYC Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 My girlfriend broke up a month ago and right after we broke up she was very interested in being friends. I told her that I wouldn't be able to do it right away but I was interested in trying it out. I never liked the idea of writing someone out of your life that you had been so close with. Let me give some background, we met over the phone at work, she works for another company but through a mutual friend we went out for drinks and things happened from there. This is the first person that I was truly in love with and who was in love with me. We broke up after 4 months and I feel like I was cheated. She had a rough first relationship and now doesn't see relationships as long term. We broke up because she said she sees me more as a friend than a boyfriend. Back to what is going on, after about 2/3 weeks of not talking we ended up talking on the phone and things went really well. It felt like things were finally ready to move on. We decided we would meet up and hang out. Then when we spoke again things were awkward and I ended up getting upset each time. Then we spoke one last time and before we got off the phone I asked her if she really wanted to hang out and she said that she didn't think it was the best idea. She saw it was hard for me and that friendship shouldn't be so hard, she said that maybe she was selfish for thinking that we can go right to being friends from being a couple. We decided to not talk for a while and then maybe try the friend thing again. For some reason now I can't stop thinking about her "hooking up" with other guys and I know we aren't together and that is her prerogative. But the problem is I don't know what she is doing. I guess I haven't totally moved on from this and wake up in the middle of the night on the weekends etc...thinking of her being with someone else... I have never been so sure of anything in my life in the sense that we should be together. I was reading some other threads and saw some of the people on this board have been very helpful with other people and was hoping that I could get some help here.
johnnytable Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 How long were you together? For one thing, it has simply not been enough time for you to be friends. Trying to be friends after a few weeks is impossible (as you know). I think that you have to be totally over the relationship and that can take several months to several years. Even then, it still might not be a good idea (I am not friends with any of my exes). You probably know that you need to get out of contact from her. You need to be out of contact for some time before things will start to clear up. I know what you mean regarding the thinking of them with other people. I'm not sure what to say here as I have the same problem. I do know that an ex of mine from 2 years ago (we were together 5 years) plagued me like this as well, but now I don't have a care in the world about her regarding that.
hbd1981 Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 Wow, can I relate to your post! My ex and I broke up a month ago, and vowed to be friends when we did. We were together four months. Well, let's just say the friendship thing isn't working out. I was sad (and desperate) and emailed him 2 weeks ago, saying I missed his friendship. He emailed me back, saying it was too soon. I felt so foolish, but it WAS too soon. Give her a chance to miss you. Don't be available to her. I think it's actually a great thing that you don't know what she's up to. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. Knowing what she's up to is only going to torture you right now. Maybe you WILL be friends someday, but it shouldn't be for a long time...until you're over her. And if she's the one, and it's meant to be, it'll all work out for the best. Everything really does happen for a reason...sometimes it doesn't feel like that when things are going badly, but I repeat that saying to myself when I need some perspective. Good luck to you! Stay strong!
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