fireflywy Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Hey everyone, I saw a therapist today. After only two sessions he said he didn't think he needed to see me anymore. I told him of my relationship and he told me that I had tried to be the knight in shining armor and that it appeard that everything I did was never right in her eyes. If I told her that I disagreed how she acted, she said I was a "dirty fighter", if I told her how I felt, she said I was selfish. The doc told me that it sounded like I was in a no win situation. He also said that part of the problem was that when we sniped at eachother, we couldn't really get beyond it because we dated such a short time that we didn't have a foundation of trust. He also told me that it sounded like she had a lot of issues coming into the relationship and that she was like a wounded animal in a trap. If you approach one and let them free, chances are they'll attack you even though you were trying to help. The problem is, (well kind of a problem) I don't think she has any idea that I even saw a pyschologist and took that effort to examine us. I think she walked away thinking I didn't care enough nor that I would go that level. That saddens me a bit. That and the fact that she is already seeing someone else. That makes me wonder if she'll act the same way with him and if so, if he'll go the same distance. Part of me wishes that whoever she ends up with does, but the other part of me hopes that she looks back and says "You know, Firefly said some things that no one else has ever said or tried to do." When I told the doc that I never wanted to leave her with something bad to look upon, he said that chances are somewhere down the road, during her therapy, I may be the topic of discussion and that if she saved my emails (which I hope many of you have read) that she may look back and say that I did some things that no one else has ever done. Right now, I'm a little unhappy that she's seeing someone else and part of me really really wanted to write her and say "I just got out of my last therapy session.. yes I saw a therapist about us. I just wanted you to know that I have a greater perspective and insight about what happened between us and that I harbor no ill feelings towards you. I wish you the best." Part of me wants to tell her that and finally get it off my head for final closure. I never asked my doc if I should do that. Other people said NO. Given the fact that she's unstable, and that she's now seeing someone else, I guess I wont do it. I want to but i don't want to upset her world (I sometimes wonder how she would take that) yet at the same time, if I should have to do it, should I care how she feels if it finally brings me final comfort? My therapist is out for the next two weeks and I never scheduled another session with him. Not sure what I should do. I'm heavily leaning on NO. P.S. Dumb question, but do you think that things will really be better with the next guy? I know that it was a herculean effort for me to be the best that I could be, I wonder if someone else would be able to handle it this quickly after our end. Chances are that the same thing will happen to her unless she truly recognizes what her problems are in a relationship.
Author fireflywy Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 naw.. I wont do it. I've put enough time and energy into this already. Clearly shes not and has moved on. If it works for her (painful as it seems now for me) then great. I don't think it will because if I wasn't able to deal with her past the way she "needed" me to be (and god helped me I tried) than all the new guy will be for her is the exact same thing I was, a band aid to patch a broken limb. I think I'm going to walk away and say I KNOW I did my best and that it was all I could I do. I won't lose anymore of myself as I almost did in the relationship to try and make things work. I'm going to walk away, wish her a silent good luck to her (whether she knows it or not, or that I still care or not) and the next person who tries to accomplish what I was unable to with all of my effort.
Teacher's Pet Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I agree. Leave it alone. Seems like you "filled a purpose" in her life, and her new guy is doing the same thing. She has to want to GROW as a person before she'll see how good you were for her. My ex is the same way. All through our relationship, I really worked hard on myself, trying to grow as a person, but she never seemed to want to grow with me. Our relationship was just a "span of time" in her life, and she never seemed to use it as a chance to grow as a person. I learned a lot about women and relationships from her, I don't think she learned anything from me, or even tried to. I was a damned good bf to her, but I made my mistakes, too, but at least I can acknowledge them and know what "traps" to look for in the future. It's true, we learn more from failures than successes. -tp
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