Teacher's Pet Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I just got off the phone with my best friend (female), whom I haven't spoken to in a couple of weeks (she's been very busy moving)..... She wanted to see how I was doing, and tell me that things are starting to work out with her new man. (I've met him, I wasn't crazy about him at first, but apparently he treats her really well, so I'm happy for her...). She's been talking to my ex. Nothing much, but a few text messages/IM's here and there. My ex even asked for her new phone #'s. (They became friends through me, though it turned out that they have mutual friends even before I was in the picture.) A couple of weeks ago, my best friend and her BF went to a party at another friend's house (a mutual friend of her and my ex), and the topic of me came up. Their mutual friend (home on leave from the military, heading back into Afghanistan very soon) mentioned to my ex (in front of my best friend) that my best friend wanted him to talk to her about me, but he refuses to get involved (he has a lot more to worry about, in my opinion anyway!), and when he mentioned my name, she rolled her eyes at him. Well, my best friend missed my birthday (last Sunday) but has managed to make time for her new boyfriend (again, I can understand, her ex BF treated her like garbage, so having a geniunely good guy in her life something she's not used to), and she's had at least 2 conversations with my ex, which I just found out about a few minutes ago. During the time I was with my ex, I had a whole new "world" of friends, and all these great new things.... now I feel like I've lost it all (since I wasn't invited to the party), and now my best friend is becoming better friends with my ex, which is FINE, but me and her have been friends for YEARS before my ex was in the picture, and even during our breakup, I started to get the feeling my best friend was taking HER side, instead of sticking up for me. Now they are becoming kinda "chummy", and when I ask my friend for any "insight" into my ex (I know, I know, don't do it, but I've maintained NC over a month without fail), she kinda plays it off. Maybe she's doing it to spare my feelings, but she's always been blunt with me about things, so I don't know what to think. At the party, my ex was there alone, and my friend really doesn't think she's dating anyone at the moment. (My ex, as I learned, is committment-phobic, or seems to be.) All I know is, I was doing so much better until about 3 hours ago, now I feel like it's Day 1 all over again. And now I have the added fear that I'm losing my best friend as well, since she seems to spend more time with my ex than with me, and I don't even know what's going on. I really feel like crap right now, it's like what little "healing" I've had over the last month or so is starting to come apart. I'm almost ready to go back into "hiding" again from the world... I just can't take it
burning 4 revenge Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 when i feel like that i usually go get wasted at a strip club
MsArtful Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I know how you feel, my best friend got a boyfriend a few months back and it went from constantly seeing each other, to basically no contact at all, I had exams and a lot of other stuff going on as well - so i became a bit depressed. If you feel like going back into hiding, maybe you should, just for a little while (a week or two maybe) - get a bit of you time, do things you like and hopefully you'll find things start falling back into place. I took up rock climbing. Develop other friendships, self improvement is not only about being sociable and having lots of friends, but also being a strong individual. It may seem like things are crap now, but they will get better:)
bendit Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 teachers pet, would you believe that you just broke NC? I am sorry you broke NC. I know it was just an innocent little conversation. But you see the results. You see what contact does to you. We all have to learn that ANY contact with the X, in your current state, will do damage. This is how we learn. We learn by touching the stove. Some of us continue to touch the stove until ALL our fingers are singed. You know it sounds like this friend of yours could be trouble. It sounds like there is the potential to talk about X with her. If I were you I would find a new friend that doesn't know X. The temptation to talk about X will be great. Talking about X and what she is doing and who she is doing it with is contact and it is sure to keep you in misery. I think a new set of friends is in order. I am sorry that your life is turned upside down. But that is reality. She is gone. We must deal with things as they ARE. I am sorry the slightest mention of X from friend hurts you. I wish that you will think about this and realize that you should eliminate all contact with X and this was contact. People ask all the time, why do I hurt. I tell them there is one reason and that is you are in contact. But you know what? They continue to contact. And of course they continue to hurt THEMSELVES. That sounds very much like an addiciton doesn't it? Its very strange but they choose hurt and contact, over healing and NC. That's a dependency. Human nature is funny in that we can become dependent on other people. I hope you begin to choose healing. And NC. regards
Author Teacher's Pet Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 I know... But I can't just give up a 5 year friendship over a 6 month relationship. The thing that really set me off last night was seeing my ex's car drive by while I was at a restaurant (see my other post tonight "My First Post-Breakup Date".. -tp
KittenMoon Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Teacher- You're getting a lot at once. Losing a relationship not too long ago, first date afterwards, and now your best friend is hanging with this girl? That's A LOT. There's no reason at this point you need to lose your best friend. But you can't control who she is friends with. If she comes up again, then just let your best friend know it makes you uncomfortable. But continue to be her friend, do stuff you used to, etc. A good friend will keep the friendships seperate.
In Sync Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Do you want to get over this relationship? Sometimes we say w want to let go a relationship or leave a horrible job or change our jobs we complain cry complai and cry...but we keep doing the same thing and the results are the same..So I ask you, Do you want to get to get over this? Perhap you are not ready But even that bit of honesty helps because all te best advice in the world won't do a damn bit of good if it's not ready to be heard.
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