jimmy20013 Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Most of you have read my posts. I started this thread so I could summarize my journey from getting dumped to today. Here is my story. I got dumped after 18 months of a very serious relationship. We were gonna get engaged very soon and she knew that. I dont know why she left and now, I dont even care. She left on the 20th of May. I thought she was angry and I would give her one day to calm down and maybe we can work it out. On the 21st of May, she told me that it was over. She didnt tell me why she was leaving and left and went to stay with a female friend of hers. At that point I knew that it was over and this being my first break-up, I went into a state of mental shock because the pain was too much to handle. I thought I could win her back and did everything from crying, begging to impressing her to win her back. She stayed at her friends for 2 weeks and we had very little direct contact. Those two weeks were hell for me. For the first week, everyday, I would take 8 sleeping pills so that I didnt have to stay awake and deal with the hurt. Eventually the pills got to me and i fell really sick after a week. I called my ex to tell her that I was sick and when she said she didnt care, it killed me. At this point the hurt became unbearable and I had a cardiac arrest. I text'd her to tell her that I was in the hospital but she didnt even call to see how I was doing.Imagine the hurt. Finally when she came back home(we are neighbours), I rushed to her door to talk to her but she shook me off like I was a nobody. This continued for about a month. After a month of being treated like trash by the person who claimed to love me, I was devastated. Finally I said enough is enough and established NC.(I dont know where I got the idea from. Infact I didnt even know thats what I was doing). MY LIFE CHANGED AFTER NC. I realised my folly and saw how low I had allowed myself to fall. I made a promise that I wouldnt let this destroy me. I picked myself up. I regained my self-esteem and respect. I kept myself busy with projects or reading. When it hurt, I allowed myself to hurt but I didnt go back to my ex. I cried and I wanted her to come back but I didnt go to her. It was very hard but I did it. I fought the urge to see her, to talk to her or to have any contact with her and its one of the hardest things I have ever done in life. But today, I am a changed person. I am happy and I have moved on. I still love her and it still hurts but it doesnt control me anymore. I dont know who you are or what your story is but believe me I understand your pain. Ya, I know it hurts but dont let it destroy you. Take control and fight it. Allow yourself to feel the hurt but dont let it rule your life. You will make it. If I can do it, then so can you. Get a hobby, start a project, hang out with friends, do something but keep yourself busy and long before you know, you will have healed . God Bless All of you and the people who stick around and try to help other people.
Thursday_le Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Great post....Its very heartwarming. Someday we will get what we want. You just never know when. Thx for the post....makes me feel better that Im not the only one in the world going through this. Take care and good luck in everything that you do.
Fallen_Angel Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I second that. I'm sorry you went through so much agony before you cut off contact with your ex, although NC is really the only cure. I threw myself into my new job and I think that's worked, to a certain extent. The other night I was talking to one of my supervisors and she went through an experience very similar to mine (her college bf dumped her and she thought he was the "one," etc.). Now she's married to someone else and has two adorable children. Time heals all wounds. Too bad most of us are highly impatient!
richardcruz Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Great post Jimmy. My story is really similiar in that I too was going to get enagaged real soon when my ex dumped me. She blamed me for everything that caused our break up. For two months I was treated like straight garbage. She even told me that I was ruining her life and she just wanted to forget we ever happended.Again this from a person that said she was my soulmate. I would just cry and beg her to take me back. I finally got fed up with it and went NC. It has been a month and some days now that I have remained NC and I can see everything through different eyes now. At first, It was really hard because I had to learn to deal with my feelings and emotions on my own, as my second half was no longer there. That was the hardest part. But I also promised myself not to contact her no matter how much it hurt. Now a month later, the temptation to contact her is no longer there anymore. Maybe because now I realize how bad she treated me and I resent her for it. NC is the way to go and it works wonders. Also keeping busy has really helped. Weightlifting has really allowed me to channel my anger into something positive. No supplements needed here! I have motivation for days
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 Thank You guys. Your posts encourage me as well.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 jimmy you're 21 years old. join a rock band or something. if i had to chose between having my ex-girlfriend back and being 21 again it would'nt even be a contest. better yet, check out the post about the 37 year old woman with the 22 year old guy. get some ideas and go rock some woman's world. she'll appreciate you
MrPot Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Thanks for the post. Just imagine how this would have turned out if you would have agreed with her when she broke it off and then immediately established NC. You would have been fine within days.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 I agree with you Mr.Pot but I didn't know any better. I guess I learned something from it. God Forbid, but if something like this happens to me again, I will know what to do. Take care.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 jimmy you're 21 years old. join a rock band or something. if i had to chose between having my ex-girlfriend back and being 21 again it would'nt even be a contest. I was in a Rock Band from 13-19. I still play the guitar.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Posted July 31, 2006 I saw my ex at church today and havent stopped thinking about her since. I wanna call her, talk to her and just be with her. I will admit that today I am feeling very weak and I wanna break the NC. I know its a bad idea and I am trying to control myself but I dont know if I will be able to. NC is like kicking a drug habit; one day at a time. Hope I can make it through today. Any encouragement from you guys will be appreciated. Meanwhile I will try to be strong and stay away from her. I love her so much!!!
wintercs Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Number 1: My little ****ty 6 month ordeal pales in comparison to what you went through....I can't even imagine the amount of hurt if I were in your shoes...you sure must be strong to be able to pick up the pieces..congrats. Number 2: This is advice I'm currently having trouble taking: Don't call her...you're stronger than you think you are and you can get through this...you've been through worse... I'm sorry I can't offer you much more advice, other than that there isn't really any cure for heartbreak. Hopefully things will get better with time and you'll be renewed - better than ever - for that next lucky lady. I'm 22 and noticing that you're 21 I think it's tough right now for people our age to keep things into perspective. I think because we see a lot of our peers in relationships we feel as though we have to be in one in order to fit in...and so when these bad things happen to us, we feel like the world is going to end....and I'm not saying that your feelings are suspect, I'm saying that sometimes we might over-react and not put things in their proper perspective. In your situatino though, I mean there's no over-reacting there. I'm sorry about everything that has happened - being with that special lady is the best feelign in the world but when it's over, it's one of the worst. Don't forget....the sun always shines after the rain. Good luck and stay strong.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Posted July 31, 2006 Hey Buddy, thanks for the encouragement. I really needed that. Its 2.20 am in the morning and if I can make it through the next 4 hours then I know I wont struggle as much. I know I can do it. I know I can. There is always sunshine after the rain but this is a bloody hurricane.
richardcruz Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Hang in there Jimmy. With everyday of NC comes new found clarity. Even as I am writing this, I still can't believe that I can finally say that. When I first started NC a month and a week ago, every single day would involve an enormous effort on my behalf to keep from calling her. Prior to my 5 week span of NC, I had attempted NC several times but I failed each time because I would get weak and contact her. But nothing really good came out from the times I did call her. In fact every time I established contact, I ended up hurting myself. She would just tell me that she needed space and that she loved me and blah blah blah. But one of the truest sayings that I read in one of these threads is that actions speak louder that words. I finally realized that she had gotten over me and that if it weren't for me calling her, she would never call me. Accepting this really hurt. I finally (after months of s**t) decided to go NC and stick with it. Jimmy, I know you can do it. I never thought that I could get this far with NC. Its almost as if I ascended the face of a mountain and didn't look down until know. I look down below and I see how far I have come and its unbelievable. Sure I still have my days were things resurface and it hurts but its not as bad as my first week of NC. I finally came to understand that maybe she wasn't the ONE. I know I couldn't still handle seeing my ex at this point so if I was in your position, I would possibly consider joining a different congregation. This will make things alot easier for you to start healing. I know it almost would seem that you are running away from the problem but at this point you really need to avoid her at any cost. Stick with NC. Your destiny is never tied to someone that can walk away from you. You deserve much better and you shouldn't settle for anything less.
newbby Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 jimmy, this is your challenge, earlier you said that next time you would know what to do. this is next time, and you know what to do...
LEXI003 Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 Wow...i'm So Happy To Know That I'm Not The Only One Going Through Heartbreak....jimmy, I'm Glad That You Have Moved On....i Hope I Can Get There On Day Soon.
Author jimmy20013 Posted August 1, 2006 Author Posted August 1, 2006 I made it without breaking NC. In the morning when I was walking to my car, I saw her though and she said hi and I said hi. We are neighbours and she is moving out and she asked me if I wanted to see how empty her apartment looks without all the stuff in it and I said no and I walked away. This being after the fact that I have told her not to talk to me. I didnt wanna have any form of communication with her but when she sees me, she says hi. Well I guess she is feeling guilty and rightfully so.
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