KittenMoon Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Another evening where one or more of my friends has made a reference to me seeing someone else. This time a guy at the counter of a coffee shop struck up conversation with me and my other friend. I thought they were getting on well, extricated myself from the conversation, the other friends had left the shop. I was like "Why did you leave me in there with them- I had to get myself out of the conversation alone to give ----- a chance with him!" One of my friends blurted: "To make him choose!" I had never for even a moment considered him for myself. But the joke was on me and my blurting friend- everyone else, even my friend getting on well with him realized he was..... haha..... gay. So false alarm (and she was doing SO well I thought with him) Anyways- my point being- I do not feel single. In my head I am not single. In my heart I am not single. I'm not with anyone, but I'm not alone either. And my friends and my mother have begun "under the radar" nudging me towards dating. I know I'm not ready, nor anywhere NEAR. I feel nothing towards anyone else and I have no interest wasting my time or any guy's time because of this. Has anyone else encountered this? I want to be like "Look, I don't want to date. I'd rather stay home and put hot pokers in my eyes, because in truth, that sounds far more appealing." How do I get them off my back w/o making it a big deal? I don't really want them to know how much I'm still hurting.
mariJane Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 yeah just tell them the hot needle thing , they should back off then you r funny
magichands Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Anyways- my point being- I do not feel single. In my head I am not single. In my heart I am not single. You said you would love him forever, so don't even think about quitting!!!! One day you will get back together. So don't complicate things by getting involved with somebody else in the meantime - they will only get hurt when he comes back for you.
Guest Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I'm going through the same thing...hell, I was going through it before I met my ex...I just keep on dating...hoping there is someone out there who will capture my attention once again.
Author KittenMoon Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 You said you would love him forever, so don't even think about quitting!!!! One day you will get back together. So don't complicate things by getting involved with somebody else in the meantime - they will only get hurt when he comes back for you. Yeah- thanks. Sarcasm is so helpful
magichands Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Yeah- thanks. Sarcasm is so helpful No worries. I have lots of time for you. Hey - wait a second... are you being sarcastic? You want a way of explaining it? How about - I'm not over my ex. Anything else spells d r a m a q u e e n.
Author KittenMoon Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 No worries. I have lots of time for you. Hey - wait a second... are you being sarcastic? You want a way of explaining it? How about - I'm not over my ex. Anything else spells d r a m a q u e e n. A question: Why do you bother posting a response if it's just going to be sarcastic or insulting? If you have experience/advice concerning a question, then post it. If not, why are you wasting your time?
In Sync Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 KM, Please don't interpret this as not respecting your choice to heal at your own time and pace I am just offering you as a different p.o.v. I undertsand that in your heart you don't feel single and as you put "I'm still hurting" but it is this very thought that you proclaim for yourself to be true and will stay true and it keeps you in bondage. Whatever we think and feel lines up to be true. I'm catching myself as I do the very same thing and have done. I kept telling myself that 'I am not good enough' for the ex. I proclaimed this and it became a seed that kept me bound to hurting. The very words I am have a connection to who how we manifest or not manifest whats in our lives. It's a mental picture we imprint on our psyche. On the flip side your friends see you are a single beautiful girl and they envision you beyond that image you have proclaim for yourself.
alphamale Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 And my friends and my mother have begun "under the radar" nudging me towards dating. tell them to buzz off!
Author KittenMoon Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 KM, Please don't interpret this as not respecting your choice to heal at your own time and pace I am just offering you as a different p.o.v. I undertsand that in your heart you don't feel single and as you put "I'm still hurting" but it is this very thought that you proclaim for yourself to be true and will stay true and it keeps you in bondage. Whatever we think and feel lines up to be true. I'm catching myself as I do the very same thing and have done. I kept telling myself that 'I am not good enough' for the ex. I proclaimed this and it became a seed that kept me bound to hurting. The very words I am have a connection to who how we manifest or not manifest whats in our lives. It's a mental picture we imprint on our psyche. On the flip side your friends see you are a single beautiful girl and they envision you beyond that image you have proclaim for yourself. I know my friends are trying to be nice. But it hasn't even been 6 months after a 6.5yr relationship. And the one person, my best guy friend, seems to be doing this the most and he's the one who has known me the longest. Not one of these people knew me before my ex and I were together, and for years they saw us together, very much in love. I can't believe they can honestly think I'm ready to be checking out other guys. When I try... well my heart still goes "dead" so I know I'm not ready. As for getting over the ex, this actually has felt like a hindrance to me. I feel ok, even starting to untangle myself from him a bit by reminding myself how he's acted in the past few months... then BAM! by reminding me I'm single everything floods back. I've just been pointedly ignoreing things, and it's hard when I don't even want to mention his name to anyone anymore. SYnc- how can you say to yourself 'I'm not good enough for him"? Although, the flip side doesn't really help either. I KNOW my ex lucked out with me, heck everyone did, so it's hard when the little voices say "Then why isn't he here?" I guess maybe because I felt like I lucked out with him too. Ug- I shouldn't be thinking this much on a Saturday morning....
alphamale Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Ug- I shouldn't be thinking this much on a Saturday morning.... you were watching cartoons again KM, weren't you?!?
Author KittenMoon Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 you were watching cartoons again KM, weren't you?!? I slept too long and missed all my cartoons.....
LaraV Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Kitten - To echo In Sync, take this just as another point of view: The truth of the mater is that your friends mean well, but few people are equipped to know how to act and what to say when they know someone that has experienced a loss. It's not their fault, it's just that society doesn't teach us how to cope with loss - or how to help others throught it. That's why this is so hard, too. All the cliches - "time heals all," "you'll get over it," "you're so great, it's his loss," etc. - in reality don't make anyone feel better. In fact, at times it trivializes your loss, especially after such a long term relationship like yours. If you want to tell your friends something in a nice polite way, try this: "I know it's been a while, and I know it seems like I should be getting over him and ready to go out there an date, but you see, I'm not lonely or missing the company of someone else at this time, I miss HIS company and his presence, and seeing that it takes a long time to build a relationship of trust and love, I guess it also takes that long to really say goodbye to someone we loved. So I guess I just need to take my time." With that simple statement, your friends should at least begin to understand that people are not goldfish. We don't just flush them down the toilet and then go get a replacement. It DOES take a long time to say goodbye - and this is called emotional lag. I know you know in your brain that you need to move on, that you'll be OK, that you will love again, etc. Emotions take time to catch up with the brain - be patient with yourself. I think it's normal you still feel like "you're not single" - don't try to argue logic with your heart. Just be patient. It's normal, and just let your friends that these things take time, and that while you're getting better everyday, you're still in the process of saying goodbye and that you just need more time.
mariJane Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 i say tell them i just like it right now, if you would rather put hot pokers in your eyes then date, then you are doing what is right for you. take for example my neighbors that finally moved thank god!! they would tell me if i was chillin out front, ' you dont do anything you act like old lady come have fun with us drink with us ' like every night, well that chic always gets drunk and domestic violence happens and all this drama, i had to tell her one day, ' look who said i am not haviing fun' you know, like all that dram a is more fun then enjoying the peaceful evening air? no thanks if thats fun then i dont want any! like person above me said, you could do it with an explanation or just buzz off. ya know, tell em look i am ok just lay off, i want to stay in. thats my impression, that you dont need people telling you it s ok get out there all that, that you prefer hot pokers really said it all for me, you tell em k
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