Why is it so hard to just be honest?

[HopefulOne]

I actually posted this elsewhere but it was suggested that i post this in a different forum, so I am going to try here, bear with me! This was the start of my original thread.

 

In need of some serious advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we have had our share of ups and downs. He has for lack of a better word "freaked out" and dissappeared twice before. I tried to be understanding as to why and we discussed it and he had told me that he has issues with himself and gets scared if you will.

 

Now of course this puts doubts in my head and I have to wonder to myself - will it happen again and I have told him my concerns. Well last week, we got into a arguement and it was me who started it, he had texted me and asked me a question and when I responded and ask him something back, he didn't respond and he had also said he was going to call me later when he was finished with work.

 

I got no call and he texted me at 1:30 in the morning to tell me he was going to bed. Now, I was upset and asked why he didn't call and he said it was late and he was miserable. I texted back and said that didn't mean he couldn't respond back to me. Talked to him the next day and we got into it. Basically he said he was in the car with one of his male co-workers. I just said and that means you can't respond, what you can't talk to me or text me in front of them? He repsonded with, so what are you saying, that you think I was with someone else( meaning a girl), I responded with I don't know what to think anymore. He got angry and said it's obvious you don't trust me and if that's the case, maybe you should go your own way and I will go mine, then he hung up. THen he texted me a couple of times that night saying things like you are always right and good for you, nice job.

 

Okay, a few days go by and somehow I am left feeling a little guilty for my behavior and maybe I did over react because of the "freak outs" before. So, I call, he doesn't answer I leave a message apologizing for my behavior. I get no response. Okay, that's fine, so I text him and ask him if he would like for me to leave him alone or is he angry with me? ( I didn't want this to end badly, I wanted to mature about it). He responds with " I disappeared", I repsonded back with what, I don't know what that means, he responds back with Consider me disappeared, I can't be trusted.

 

Geez, I was trying to be respectful and nice and this is what I get back, some cryptic message. By the way, he is 39 and I am 38. So, here I sit feeling confused, hurt, not even sure what to think. I sent him a message back asking him again the same thing and that I was trying to be respectful of what he wanted. I got nothing. What do you make of this behavior? Can anyone out there help me put this into perspective, I feel like the dumb girl who doesn't get it. It's making me crazy?

ferent forum. So here goes? This was the start of my original thread.

[Outcast]

If dude is the sort to 'just disappear' periodically, then be glad he's gone. Whatever's wrong with him will keep being wrong with him and, doubtless, he'll do it again. It's too bad when you have to let someone go but some people are just too broken to try to fix. It doesn't sound like it was much fun as relationships go anyway. Don't try to figure out the 'whys' of it - people are messed up for numerous reasons.

[HopefulOne]

Thanks you for your reply, he always seems to have a reason. This was my next post as it's gotten weird.

 

Thanks so much for you opinion. I really can't deal with the dissappearing anymore, it leaves with anytime conflict comes about he's on the run, I don't want to be with someone like that. I left him a message this evening telling him that can't do the dissappearing anymore( because it is terrifying) and that his reactions and no response only says to me that he doesn't value or respect our relationship or me and that isn't a good sign and because of that I have no idea how he feels anymore but that I thought I at least deserved some response as I was trying to do the right thing, wether it be he wants me gone etc. I ended it by telling him that I truly did love him and that I hoped that I would hear back from him ( and no I didn't mean in a month).

 

Oh, I also said in the beginning of the message that this would be the last time I call if I did not get a response. I haven't heard back and I am not sure that I thought I would but I needed to have some respect for myself. Do you think it was the right thing to do?

[Outcast]

I think you shouldn't have asked for an answer and I hope that you won't listen if he tries. You've heard 'fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me'? You have already been fooled twice. He's one over his last chance already. He's not going to change - you're still hoping he'll magically morph into a normal, rational person. Not gonna happen and wishing won't make it so. You have to let that desire go and realize that whatever his problem is, it's not going to go away.

[HopefulOne]

He texted yesterday and said no one is right and no one is wrong, we have different outlooks, just not compatible and he wouldn't call yet, he is angry with me. I feel some relief in that I feel he might have the slightest bit of respect for me ( not that that matters at this point), what matters is my respect for myself.... I think it's weird.... How can you be be angry with someone if no one is right and no one is wrong.... ??? Such cryptic messages... I just texted back I understand, thanks for answering, I do appreciate it. I suppose I shouldn't have responded at all but I felt the need to be mature in this situation. Do unto others as you would have them do to you, correct?

[HopefulOne]

I am having such hard with this, I am so in love with him and I thought it was mutual, how does someone flip a switch??? How can you be so blinded that you don't see any of it coming ? Why does it make you feel like there is something wrong with you????????