BatteredByLove Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I'm not going to say I have a degree in psychology or anything along that line, but I have noticed a trait in a lot of people, and I have noticed this inside me as well. When we say we WANT to get over someone we really don't, because deep down somewhere, we still have this hope that they will come back, that somehow it will work again. Believe me, I'm going through this and I know that a lot of you guys are too. I feel as if that somehow she'll realize that the guy she's dating right now is a total jerk or that she has feelings for me again and return or that the guy dumps her and she realizes that she really wants me, whichever way, I have a hope that she'll come back to me. This is not really "letting" go. I'm still having trouble with that. When we get on LS, it's not really advice on getting over someone that we're looking for, it's for us to vent and vent and vent and let other people tell us that she or he isn't worth it or any of that line and that we can do better. I must say LS has been there when I really needed it, the people on here are absolutely wise, on what to do after a breakup and how to get over it, but most importanlty it MUST come from us. If WE somehow deep down believe that there is hope, we will NEVER EVER get over the ex.... EVER!!! And for most people, I believe that is the problem, we have this little ounce of hope that they will come back, realize their mistake, and come back. It's as if we're in this fantasy world where everything can happen. I'm not saying that they WON'T come back, but I'm saying that if we really DO want to get over them, we must TELL OURSELVES to get over them. No advice, no words of wisdom, no nothing will help if we ourselves don't want to let them go. Well this is my thought... and this is exactly the situation that I am in.... I don't want to fully let her go... because I have hope.... and I want to let her go... because I don't want to be in pain... whichever way, I can't let her go because deep down... I don't want to, and unless I can get over that, I can't get over her.... this is my thought... hope you guys feel a little bit better, or you guys can think hey it's a 17(almost 18 year old boy, 2 more months) just ranting on . BBL
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 This is very true! I am going to tell my self that I can do better and find love again, But its so hard when they left you for someone else. I'm 18. Though I was the only youngin here
Author BatteredByLove Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 Hehehhe yep, well we both young-uns then .
Author BatteredByLove Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 But its so hard when they left you for someone else. Birttany just realize that there IS someone out there, there IS someone better... I know all this and yet I have hopes of her coming back.... and at the same time I want to heal.... yea.... life sucks. If only I can truly let her go, all the pain will be gone.
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Ah I know I know! Its just when your going through this you just question alot of things. I've never had to get over someone this is the first time. Though I know one day I will be over it, I question that as well. I think it is very normal to feel like you will never get over it ? right
riobikini Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 re: BBL: " most importanlty it MUST come from us. If WE somehow deep down believe that there is hope, we will NEVER EVER get over the ex.... EVER!!! And for most people, I believe that is the problem, we have this little ounce of hope that they will come back.......I'm saying that if we really DO want to get over them, we must TELL OURSELVES to get over them. No advice, no words of wisdom, no nothing will help if we ourselves don't want to let them go. " BBL, 17 years old or 117 -your insight is golden. (Smile.) Commenting on the thought that hope must be diminished in order to move on: it's sad to think of it in a way that makes us sound like 'hope killers', but you are absolutely correct. The only thing I might add is something to clarify the thought: hope should be examined and tested against the *realistic* potential of the relationship to work. There's no basis for hope if only *one* of the partners truly wants it to continue (and if they both do, -the hope should be qualified by the presence of the *right* reasons.) It really is about more than love and affection. It's certainly about more than infatuation with -or addiction/dependency on- another person. Fact: we can love people who are *totally wrong* for us. Proof is all around us. Keeping hope alive to pursue these 'bad' relationships is no less painful than doing the same thing to save a relationship where we fell in love with the *right* person at the *wrong* time in our lives (or theirs), or took love for granted and wound up losing someone we regretted having to say "Goodbye" to. Hope is only good when there is enough positive contents of a relationship to devote our time, energy, -and heart to. ***It's about the wisdom in knowing the difference.*** Take Care. -Rio
magichands Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Fact: we can love people who are *totally wrong* for us. I was reading this and thinking: we can love people who we are *totally wrong* for. Haha. That might be my life story. But hope can be a bit like an eternal flame. Is it the wisdom of pragmatism that snuffs it out? I prefer to believe in magic - whatever the cost.
Author BatteredByLove Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 Ah I know I know! Its just when your going through this you just question alot of things. I've never had to get over someone this is the first time. Though I know one day I will be over it, I question that as well. I think it is very normal to feel like you will never get over it ? right I have been at that stage Birttany and sometimes I wonder to myself what if I never get over that person? What if there is no one better out there for me? It is very normal to feel that way, but we can't change the past or neither can we predict the future, we must realize and look at what's going on in our world in the present. The EX is gone, don't know if he or she'll come back, so why moan and groan wondering what's going on? Every second we waste mourning is a second of happiness lost. re: BBL, 17 years old or 117 -your insight is golden. (Smile.) Commenting on the thought that hope must be diminished in order to move on: it's sad to think of it in a way that makes us sound like 'hope killers', but you are absolutely correct. The only thing I might add is something to clarify the thought: hope should be examined and tested against the *realistic* potential of the relationship to work. There's no basis for hope if only *one* of the partners truly wants it to continue (and if they both do, -the hope should be qualified by the presence of the *right* reasons.) It really is about more than love and affection. It's certainly about more than infatuation with -or addiction/dependency on- another person. Fact: we can love people who are *totally wrong* for us. Proof is all around us. Keeping hope alive to pursue these 'bad' relationships is no less painful than doing the same thing to save a relationship where we fell in love with the *right* person at the *wrong* time in our lives (or theirs), or took love for granted and wound up losing someone we regretted having to say "Goodbye" to. Hope is only good when there is enough positive contents of a relationship to devote our time, energy, -and heart to. ***It's about the wisdom in knowing the difference.*** Take Care. -Rio Rio we should start a "Hope Killer" Club here on LS . Whenever we occupy ourselves with the thoughts of our ex, we don't give other people a chance to come into our lives. That is where we might make the greatest mistake in our life. What if "The One" was there and around, but we just didn't see it because all we think about is our ex. Mourning for an ex is reasonable and only human of us to do so, but I've seen people here on LS mourning for years, now that's where reality crosses over to fantasy. If an ex comes back, they will come back, we can't go and waste our time. I totally agree on the part that we fall in love for people "totally wrong" for us is correct. Everywhere around us we see couples abusing one another, but in the end the abusee would just go right back to the abuser, why? I don't know, I'm not a marriage or relationship counselor , lol. But that's why NC is so good, it helps us take a step back and look at the relationship in a different perspective, look at what we did wrong, what we can do to better ourselves, and what NOT to do in future relationships, but NC won't do any good if we have any hope that they'll come back, that's where we go and kill ourselves pratically. So anyone interested in that "Hope Killer" Club? BBL I was reading this and thinking: we can love people who we are *totally wrong* for. Haha. That might be my life story. But hope can be a bit like an eternal flame. Is it the wisdom of pragmatism that snuffs it out? I prefer to believe in magic - whatever the cost. Magichands what if in the time that you're mourning for your ex, you miss an opportunity with "The One"?
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