trebon Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I really need your help guys, im totally at a loss. Ive been broken up for about 2 months. We still talk a little, just how are you, etc. Other than that 2 minute phone call or text message every couple of days it is NC which I am finding hard to take. We were in each others pockets and were both very affectionate and romantic and we both loved it. Anyway, she ended it after 5 years to go with someone else. There is still hope for us as that was just a fling (that is not just wishful thinking on my part - she has also said this) but in the mean time what do I do? My friends are planning a big night out next week dedicated to finding me a one night stand to cheer me up and help me move on -but I am not in the mood to see anybody. I cant focus on anything except her and us. I have underperformed on my final degree result meaning I cant apply for the jobs I wanted and so I am left to find a rubbish job to make ends meet. My friedns, although really helpful are all moving back home and so I am going to be left with nobody to see and nothgin to do during the day for a while (each day feels about 3 or 4 times longer than it shoudl at the moment) I am going a little insane. What can I do? I want to wait for us to work out but I know I cant live like this much longer and I will soon have to move on - but she really is THE ONE. in every way except that shes not with me. (nobody is totally perfect) I am feeling myself slip into a rut but I havent got the will or the support to help me out of it.
bendit Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 You continue to believe that you you will have the perfect relationship with this woman. You won't. Its a fantasy you can't let go of. She is an addiction for you. You have been told that contact is what causes your pain but you won't go NC. You REFUSE. Yet you still come back and ask what you can do to stop feeling so bad. The answer has already been given to you but you won't accept it. You refuse to swallow the medicine that can fix you. There is nothing we can do for you if you won't help yourself. You are causing your own pain. Again. You are causing your own pain. You can make it stop. So far you refuse to make the pain stop. When the pain gets overwhelming you will stop. You are not there yet. There is more pain for you to feel before you act to change things. You HAVEN'T had enough. regards
KittenMoon Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Wow- just read your other thread in "Second Chances" trebon. Very generalized: Guys like conquests. Girls want options. You've made yourself an option at the expense of your own self, and your own life. A few conquests of your own won't likely help either, just make you feel worse. So how about thinking about yourself as NOT an option for her? If she wants a group of guys at her beck and call- well, do you really just want to be part of a group, not the one guy she wants to impress, make happy, etc? Maybe its time you bow out gracefully...
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I really need your help guys, im totally at a loss. Ive been broken up for about 2 months. We still talk a little, just how are you, etc. Other than that 2 minute phone call or text message every couple of days it is NC which I am finding hard to take. We were in each others pockets and were both very affectionate and romantic and we both loved it. Anyway, she ended it after 5 years to go with someone else. There is still hope for us as that was just a fling (that is not just wishful thinking on my part - she has also said this) but in the mean time what do I do? My friends are planning a big night out next week dedicated to finding me a one night stand to cheer me up and help me move on -but I am not in the mood to see anybody. I cant focus on anything except her and us. I have underperformed on my final degree result meaning I cant apply for the jobs I wanted and so I am left to find a rubbish job to make ends meet. My friedns, although really helpful are all moving back home and so I am going to be left with nobody to see and nothgin to do during the day for a while (each day feels about 3 or 4 times longer than it shoudl at the moment) I am going a little insane. What can I do? I want to wait for us to work out but I know I cant live like this much longer and I will soon have to move on - but she really is THE ONE. in every way except that shes not with me. (nobody is totally perfect) I am feeling myself slip into a rut but I havent got the will or the support to help me out of it. This is going to sound harsh, but if she was The One, she'd be with you. There's one very important lesson we all have to learn in life: actions speak louder than words. She can say all she likes, but not only is she not with you, she has been with someone else. That says it all really, loud and clear. You will have to face that reality at some point. Better sooner than later. Sounds like she had a fling as an exit strategy to get out of a relationship she didn't want to be in anymore. Sorry you have to go through this. It's hard, but most of us have to deal with something like that in our lives and we survive. So will you. Maybe you could do with some professional help to come to terms with things? And NC would probably be very beneficial to you. Still being in contact every couple of days is not NC. Best of luck!
KittenMoon Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Sounds like she had a fling as an exit strategy to get out of a relationship she didn't want to be in anymore. And with you, she has an exit strategy for any other relationship she doesn't want to be in.
Author trebon Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 bendit -- thank you for responding to me again. I know I sound like a broken record and I apologise for that. I have nothing and noone in my life at the moment - it is not just her, everything else has collapsed at the same time and I use these boards to try and force myself into realising something needs to be done and make the changes, but I guess i'm not ready to,although I want to be, if you see what I mean. I dont know when or where I will get the strength to change things, but I thank you for helping me and I am truly sorry for being a pain. Best wishes
johnnytable Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Seriously, you need to stop talking to this person. I find that it takes at least a month before the mind even starts to clear. Then you can start taking advice on how to actively heal. Just know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to heal in your situation when you are talking to this person. If you want to heal, start with NC and actually do it. Do not respond to her in any way, shape, or form. Take it from us, you have a lot of perspective and realizing to come to. This will only happen when you are focusing on yourself, and that will only happen by starting NC.
bendit Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 trebon the reason you are so isolated is because your self esteem is in a shambles. so you are in a downward spiral. staying in contact with her keeps you in the downward spiral of increasing loneliness and isolation. to stop the downward cycle you have to do something different. if you do what I say you will stop the downward spiral and begin to change for the better. your strength will come back. you will feel better about yourself and make some friends. you will be less isolated. only you can make this change. you have the power. you are not a powerless human being. you are going down down down. Time to change. regards
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