john1776 Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I'm just sitting here in my office on my lunch break and I have been spending most of my break thinking back on my relationship with my girlfriend and reflecting on how we met and how the first date went and stuff. We have been together for a little over 3.5 years but I must say that our relationship started off as a rebound. Meaning she was my rebound at first from a bad break up that happened 1 month earlier. We had sexual contact on the 1st date and kissed. She initiated all of the moves of affection. I look back on it and feel kind of bad that we were not friends first for 2 months. I actually met her on an internet dating website in the middle of December 15th or 16th, 2002. That was 1-2 weeks after my previous break up. Before we met up she told me she just wants to be friends for awhile because she was still not over her ex from 8 months before. We met for the first time on January 4th, 2003. I remember it was 2:20pm that Saturday afternoon. 1 hour later she took me to her bedroom to show me pictures from her photo album and next thing I know right out of the blue she kisses me on my lips. Then 6 hours later she tells me to make love to her. I didn't want to risk getting her pregnant so I said we'd stick to the kind of sexual contact that does not get her pregnant. She agreed. I told her that I thought she just wanted to be friends. Then she said she changed her mind. Deep down inside I felt it was unusual for us to be having any kind of sexual contact or even kissing on the first date. But anyway I spent the night with her at one of her guy friend's houses. I spent the majority of the following day (january 5) with her and came home that night. We had a 2nd date the following sunday (january 12th). So I assumed that we agreed to date exclusively and we have been dating exclusively ever since with the exception of breaking up for 3 days. So I know that many would say that rebounds don't last but I am one of those cases where a relationship that started out as a rebound is still going on after 3.5 years. In fact it's going stronger. She seems to be more into me now than last month. I mean she has been really good about calling everyday. I'm even thinking of slowly increasing my calls. For awhile I limited my calling to twice a week. Now I'm thinking of increasing it to 4 times a week. I am feeling kind of guilty that our relationship started out on the wrong foot. We just jumped right into things on the first date as if we already knew each other for months. We corresponded through emails and IMs between December 15th,2002 & January 4th, 2003. So there was about a 3 week gap between meeting online and meeting up in person. Has anyone else out there started a relationship that fast?? If I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now I would have set up boundaries to stay friends for at least 2 months before becoming bf/gf.
arc Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Several of my relationships have started that fast! My 3 year stint with my ex involved 2 months of online contact followed by meeting, sleeping together that night and spending the rest of the weekend together. I've just embarked on a new relationship (about 3 weeks now) and that involved initial contact online, about 200 emails between us in 4 days and a date to see if we hit it off that well in real life. Despite my desire not to rush into things, we hit it off so well he was here the entire weekend. I panicked a bit, because I have this idea that things should develop slowly and people really shouldn't start relationships or have sex so soon after meeting. Then my best friend pointed out that his parents were engaged 3 weeks after they met, married 3 weeks later and 33 years on are still utterly besotted with each other. We all have to do what feels best for us at the time and try to ignore too many 'shoulds' and general rules. Why do you wish you had set up a 2 month 'friends only' boundary initially? Why do you feel guilty about the speed your relationship developed?
allina Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Okay, I find your post to be sort of weird. It's as if you think you had no control in how the relationship started out, it wasn't all her, you made these choices as well, this all sounds so mechanical. Do you love her??? Also you've been together for 3.5 years and you are saying that you are thinking of increasing the frequency of your calls to four times a week, so after such a long period of time you only contact her 2 times a week? I'm a little confused about your relationship.
Fun2BMe Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 If things are going so great and most relationships especially from a rebound don't last that long, why after all these years are you wishing you had done things differently? Obviously there are no set rules to guarantee a certain outcome when it comes to dating, but the combination of exactly what it was that the two of you did, ended up for the best. Try to appreciate what you have now instead of wishing things were different in the beginning, as though you think that would have resulted in your relationship to be even better. On the contrary, I think in all probabily statistically speaking, anything you may have done differently may have not made you be together still. I'd think after so much time that you call her as much as you would want to, not hold back like you are playing games. But again, it seems like you know what you are doing so all the best.
magichands Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Obviously there are no set rules to guarantee a certain outcome when it comes to dating, but the combination of exactly what it was that the two of you did, ended up for the best. Try to appreciate what you have now instead of wishing things were different in the beginning, as though you think that would have resulted in your relationship to be even better. On the contrary, I think in all probabily statistically speaking, anything you may have done differently may have not made you be together still. I think that's a great way of looking at it!
Author john1776 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 Okay, I find your post to be sort of weird. It's as if you think you had no control in how the relationship started out, it wasn't all her, you made these choices as well, this all sounds so mechanical. Do you love her??? Also you've been together for 3.5 years and you are saying that you are thinking of increasing the frequency of your calls to four times a week, so after such a long period of time you only contact her 2 times a week? I'm a little confused about your relationship. Thanks for rubbing in the guilt. Sure it was not all her but she did initiate the first moves of affection. I left the ball in her court because she was the one that wanted to be just friends at first. At the start of the relationship I didn't have any knowledge about being a challenge or playing hard to get. I didn't even know this message board existed. Now that I've acquired all this knowledge I regret not doing things differently in the beginning. That's my point. Calling her twice a week is something I only did recently like 1 month ago. I used to call her everyday during the first 3 years. Then I read caliguy's guide on how to be a balanced guy and where it said balanced men call once or twice a week. So I decided I'd limit my calls to twice a week for awhile and see what effect that would have. During the time I used to call everyday she would not call everyday sometimes and that bothered me. But she has been good recently about calling everyday so I'm increasing the calls slowly. I won't jump back into calling everyday.
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 If it isn't broken and things are going well that's a good thing. And stop looking behind in the past, how you two met doesn't matter anymore. What matters is the relatioship, the feelings and the closeness between you two keeps growing and getting stronger. After 3 1/2 years, what's the problem about talking everyday? Don't compare your relationship to anybody else's. What works for some, may not work for you. Don't play games, just enjoy eachother! Are you two planning on moving in together? Have you talked about the future at all?
Author john1776 Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 At this point in my life I am not interested in moving in with my girlfriend or with anybody else. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are. This is not to say that I'm never going to marry her or never move in. It's just not something I'm interested in or ready for anytime soon.
Author john1776 Posted July 29, 2006 Author Posted July 29, 2006 Well I called her once tonight. Then she called me 2 hours later. We stayed on the line for 1 hour. I wonder if she's testing me to see if I'm going to keep her on the line as long as I can. Anyway she was high on weed when she called me. She's been calling me every night this week so far except for Sunday. I think the weed has put her in a super good mood because she told me that she feels like eating me up all over my body. Getting high on weed is one of her addictions and it makes her extremely horny. I don't have a problem with it. I've already called her twice in one week. I called her once last night. So I'm planning to make my next 2 calls for Monday and Wednseday of next week. That way it will be 4 calls by the time next Thursday rolls around.
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