consternation Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Hi all.. I have been in a relationship with a married man for 6 mths... I've tried to end it for about 3 months and got tough about it a month ago (previously always weakened etc). He got kind of desperate, would accept my decision but then ring me at 4am drunk on saturday nights etc. Well last Saturday he turned up and said that the 'sh** had hit the fan' and it had all come out (he told his wife right at the start that he had cheated, but obviously did not tell her he was continuing to do so). He is 28, been married for 7 years, no kids. After that he said he needed a few days to think, etc. Yesterday I sent an email saying goodbye, I won't expect to hear from him again, as I felt I could see how the wind was blowing. Sure enough he rang to say goodbye, and I asked him if he was going to stay with his wife to which he said yes. He then started with ím so confused, i really miss you' which I cut short and said goodbye then. He has now emailed me today saying can I please wait for him, he is just in a big mess and needs to sort himself out. I replied that I would wait 1-2 months and did he have a specific proposal (not the marriage kind obviously, I mean, plan). He asked if I could wait til end of Sept - I said yes, and would expect to hear from him then should he be in a suitable state (suitable = single). I don't really realistically have any expectations for anything then .... in the meantime I will concentrate on my own life (I have a daughter and am a full time university student - was widowed 3 years ago). However, I very much am hoping that we will meet in the future in better circumstances and can start again slowly... 2 months is not much time I suppose but it's as long as I am prepared to wait (NC for the 2 months btw). Opinions?
beach Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 of course he asked you to wait - right AFTER he told you he wouldn't leave his wife. they all want to keep you waiting in the wings... i say - RUN! look for a man that is available to you and that will be good and kind.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 You don't say how you really feel about him, so it's kind of hard to answer. From what you said you've only had 3 months with him and the rest of the time you have been trying to end it (for 3 mo). If you don't feel very strongly, then it seems like you should just move on. There's not that much invested. And if down the road he is single, you could try it then. Or Tell him he has til the end of Sept and that if you meet someone you're interested in the meantime, that you're going to pursue it. But from what you say, he sounds immature and not like he would be a good life partner. Hope that helps! Good luck!
Author consternation Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 I'm not going to respond to posts such as Beach's - no offence.
beach Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I didn't expect you to reply, you asked for opinions.... I was just trying to encourage you to be happy and have a great life for your future.
Author consternation Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 Thank you Green, I'm going to think about what you've said. I do love him, and it's hard to move on. But I know that time heals and that there will be others in the future, if that's how it pans out. Immature - I don't think so, though. I didn't get into the details of our feelings or of my opinion of him bcoz let's face it - I'm hardly objective. He is polynesian and very proud. He has a huge family of which he is one of the 'heads', he has 2 teenage nephews living with him and so on. He told me once he felt like he would rather ruin his life (by being in a loveless marriage) than shame himself by leaving his wife/ having everyone discover the affair. His wife can't have children as a result of a miscarriage in the first few months of their marriage and I think it's a pretty sad situation. I think I have in fact made it easier for him to stay, by giving him something good in his life (not that his wife isnt good - I mean something that he looks forward to etc). If it counts - he has made me very happy. Consternation.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Of course it counts that he has made you happy...and I was wondering about the lack of children...sad situation all around... You know, we all face situations in our lives, some we have a choice, some we don't. And no one knows the future. But at least you have a choice here. I believe that you love him. That said, you could wait the 2 mos. and see what his situation is then. The only other thing is the cultural difference. D might be something that he won't/can't do because of it. Glad to hear that you're in school. Best thing that we women can do is to be able to take care of ourselves and our family. Be strong!
Author consternation Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 Thanks Green.... I think I really just have to try and put this out of my mind - concentrate on my daughter and myself. Easier said than done but at the end of the day I see no point in continuing further. If it's meant to be then I will hear from him when he's single. Still find myself checking for emails and texts repeatedly today though . I guess I know what to do.... just feeling sad Thanks again.
erika2610 Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Thanks Green.... I think I really just have to try and put this out of my mind - concentrate on my daughter and myself. Easier said than done but at the end of the day I see no point in continuing further. If it's meant to be then I will hear from him when he's single. Still find myself checking for emails and texts repeatedly today though . I guess I know what to do.... just feeling sad Thanks again. Why didn't you respond to Beach? Because she told you to leave? It's the honest to God's truth.. I would leave. Why wait around? What if in September he tells you he's not leaving his Wife? you will have waited around all this time for nothing, when you could have been out looking for an available man.
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