Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 All: My wife of 12 years had sex with her boss in our house on our bed. Does this mean something? It troubles me greatly. She says he called her at home while I was away on a business trip and asked to come over. They had oral sex downstairs and then she took him upstair and had sex with him on our bed. History: They first had sex at her office, then another 15-20 times over the next year at hotels, back roads, his house, etc. She said they started by sharing feelings and then he kissed her in her office. Two weeks later they had sex in her office. Does location matter?????????? She has gotten rid of the bed after I had trouble sleeping on it. It is very troubling for me that she had sex with him in our house and in our bed. But does it have hidden meaning????????
orleannaprice Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Total lack of respect for you and your marriage. Why are you worried about where? Not only did she have the affair, but has apparently let you in on every dirty detail without trying to spare your feelings in any way.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Why are you still married to this woman?? Is she even interested in ending her affair with her boss? Why are you letting her walk all over you, treat you like crap?
stillafool Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I see what you are asking - like when your dog wets on top of your bed because she's angry you left her home alone. Well your wife is certainly a bitch all right but she sounds like she was just going with what felt good and exciting for her. It sounds like she had and has no regard or respect for you and your home. If you can forgive her good for you but my goodness I think you or anyone deserves better than that from their spouse.
Bryanp Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I personally feel location matters a great deal. It is bad enough that she was screwing and having oral sex with her boss and putting your health at great risk for STD's. The fact that she had no problem taking this man and screwing him in your house and in your bed says a great deal. She was symbolically defacating on you and your marriage. Your home is the absolute one place that should be off limits. The fact that she would do this to you in your home and in your bed shows the ultimate in humiliation and disrespect toward you. I wonder how she would be feeling if the roles had been reversed. My question to you is why in the world would you wish to remain with someone who has such a broken moral compass that she did not even see anything wrong in giving oral sex and intercouse in your house and in your bed while your were on a business trip? She sent you a clear message that she has absolute distain for you and your marriage and apparently got off in humiliating you in the worst way possible. My friend you did not need a new bed. What you needed was to get rid of such a pathetic and vile spouse. Cleary she has no respect for you whatsover. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Mz. Pixie Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I personally feel location matters a great deal. It is bad enough that she was screwing and having oral sex with her boss and putting your health at great risk for STD's. The fact that she had no problem taking this man and screwing him in your house and in your bed says a great deal. She was symbolically defacating on you and your marriage. Your home is the absolute one place that should be off limits. The fact that she would do this to you in your home and in your bed shows the ultimate in humiliation and disrespect toward you. I'm agreeing with Bryan here. Because I had an affair at one time but yet this is a line I never would have crossed. My OM wanted to visit me at home and I wouldn't allow it. Nor would I have ever gone to his and done it.
Sup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 All: My wife of 12 years had sex with her boss in our house on our bed. Does this mean something? It troubles me greatly. She says he called her at home while I was away on a business trip and asked to come over. They had oral sex downstairs and then she took him upstair and had sex with him on our bed. History: They first had sex at her office, then another 15-20 times over the next year at hotels, back roads, his house, etc. She said they started by sharing feelings and then he kissed her in her office. Two weeks later they had sex in her office. Does location matter?????????? She has gotten rid of the bed after I had trouble sleeping on it. It is very troubling for me that she had sex with him in our house and in our bed. But does it have hidden meaning???????? EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Um, just a question, why are you still with her? Not to TELL you your bussiness, but, LOSE HER!!!!
Sup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 To me, it DOES send a message. It's like certain sexual positions in an affair, let's say, and correct me if i'm wrong anyone, if a mans wife has sex with OM, does it in Woman on Top position, it's like she says I'm TOTALLY doing this of my own free will, forget hubby, consequences, pregnancy, ect.... So I believe certain things like THAT you mentioned do mean something.
BUTAFLY Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 A wife posed this question to Dr. Robin Smith, phd psychologist;counslor says, the affair taking place in the home is a huge factor it screams 'EFF YOU' & has hostiltiy behind it.
Guest Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 All: Let me ask this. What would you say if I said we were also trying to have a baby during this year long affair? During the time she was having the affair with her boss, we were struggling with conception. I went for semen analysis and she was tracking her ovulation on a detailed chart. She said they did not wear protection 3-4 times. Only in the beginning did they have unprotected sex. I confronted her boss and he said he was not the first and not the last (nice guy). By the way, she was 28 and he was 58???????? She became pregnant after the affair ended. I have had all the children paternity tested - mine thank god..... When I think of her and I working on having a child and her allowing another man to have unprotected sex - I hate her for that. She no longer works there and has gone through a 2 year bout of serious drinking and became an alcoholic. She recently completed a 5 week in-house detox and treatment program. She goes to AA ocassionaly and it helps greatly with her sustaining a positive mindset. She has been seeing a physchiatrist and is taking anxiety and depression medication. She has guilt and remorse. She knows how wrong it was. We are trying to work it out, but it is difficult for me to forgive and needless to say, I will never forget (in the sense that it is always will be there). I feel she came home after rehab a changed person. She is trying to sustain those changes. I hear those on this board state - move on one way or another with either leaving her or making it work. I struggle with resentment. I want to stay together and give her a chance to redeam herself to herself, children, and me. To do that, I need techniques for overcoming resentments when they arise. Please list the ones you are aware: 1. Think of something else - helps mildly 2. Discuss the issue with her - we do usually after I allow things to build 3. Get over it - easy to say, hard to live 4. Weekly discussion meetings - Tried but we don't sustain 5. Marriage Counselling - Did it and the recommendation focuses on communication 6. Church - Can't sustain. It does help to read specific passages - Does anyone have favorites to share?????? 7. Books - Have not bought a book on how to get over affairs - Seen them. Maybe my next step. 8. Stop watching TV - There are so many images of immoral/un-ethical behavior everywhere. It hurts to watch and storylines are cheap and easy sex with no consequences. 9. Al-Anon - I don't go, perhaps I should. I need a roadmap to sustain positive change. What has worked for others??? I have read the board regarding resentments but see only basic techniques.
jonesgirly Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Let me ask this. What would you say if I said we were also trying to have a baby during this year long affair? I'd say yeck.........no wonder you've got resentment - you've carried quite a load with your wife. Do you have your own individual counselor? May help to be able to just vent and get validation. Also, posting here helps a great deal - maybe thats all you'll need! I doubt it though - resentment builds and sometimes becomes a wall that no one can tear down. It is a feeling of personal injustice and of being wronged in way that is difficult to get over. A lot of times, just hearing that you're not 'crazy' for feeling this way helps. But sometimes it can eat you up inside, and create a person you'd rather not become.
ridingthebulls Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Honestly, what does it matter anymore? She obviously does not love or respect you. I don't have a clue why you would let yourself get abused like this by your wife. GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!
Bryanp Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Working hard to get pregnant and she has unprotected sex with her boss in your bed and you are forced to have paternity tests done. I understand you have children which make it very difficult to end the marriage. From what you have written it is hard to imagine how any spouse could have humiliated and disrespected their spouse in more hurtful and cruel ways than your spouse has done to you. My hat is off to you trying to make it work with someone who has had such a broken moral compass. I wish you luck.
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