Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Okay... Everywhere on the net there are statistics posted on the "success" or viability of relationships that started as extra-marital affairs. For example, most sites list the standard 75% that end in a second divorce. However, after discussing this with a friend over dinner, I've decided that this must be one of the most skewed stats in existence. How many people would legitimatly answer that with a big hand raise, nod, smile, and "Oh yeah, we started as lovers and look at us now!" Pa-leez, give me a break! I'd say there are far more couples making it than what you'd think... hesitate to jump on board with the doom and gloom...
BUTAFLY Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 There are lots of stats saying this has a high probablity of failure. I personally know of two. A gf's mother husband had an affair and married his OW that lasted 10 yrs and 2 kids when they divorced(that was a good run). The other that I personally know of is my ex- he married his ow and they are on year #2. According to the stats, they have even worst odds of surviving because this will be his second marriage, which divorce rates go up, plus an affair. So we'll see. I do want to find one that has lasted...It would give others hope.
Hard2Think Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I have to agree. I happen to know of 3 people who are married to their affair partners and have been for years. I know that's not a great statistical sample - but still. Those stats you mentioned seem to serve some sort of agenda.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I just figure that trust would always been an issue. Seeing as HOW the relationship started off in the first place. If a person cheated once, they're capable of doing it again. I'm not saying they will or even want to, but still, the relationship doesn't start off so honest and pure.
THX2000 Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I would tend to think that the statistics are pretty reasonable. Factor in how many marriages fail in the first place, add to that how the relationship started and the pressures involved with that and then factor in the "reality" once the novelty of the affair is over. I would suspect that most of these relationships are highly disfunctional from the get go so it wouldn't surprise me in the least if the figures you quoted are fairly accurate. I am not saying it can't work but there is a lot going against it. Never really heard of anyone I know having a relationship last with a OW/OM and I have known a couple. Both ended in a train wreck for all involved.
UnknowingOW Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I believe the stats are skewed. Those of us who have been divorced know, a divorce is the most difficult choice we make as a first time married couple. This goes for both the male and the female. When you enter into a second marriage, you already know how to get divorced, and process of the emotions, the financials, and the children. If that second marriage fails the divorce will probably be much easier to handle since you have already been through it once before. All that being said, I think an analysis of 2nd marriages should be assesed on the following: 2nd marriage (both partners divorced and no affairs)2nd marriage (both partners divorced and also affair partners)2nd marriage (one partner divorced and the other single both affair partners)I believe those type of stats would be better indicators of the question.
serial muse Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 All that being said, I think an analysis of 2nd marriages should be assesed on the following: 2nd marriage (both partners divorced and no affairs)2nd marriage (both partners divorced and also affair partners)2nd marriage (one partner divorced and the other single both affair partners)I believe those type of stats would be better indicators of the question. I agree, UnknowingOW; I think what you said makes a lot of sense.
BUTAFLY Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 this is interesting: 64% of couples perserve marriages after an affair.(sounds good) BUT... Of that group 78% later decribed marriage as unhappy or empty.(not so good) who answers these stats? i never been asked any stat about anything.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Usually research is conducted using a random sampling of the populattion. It's usually not a very big group because they send out questionaires or conduct interviews. Then they base the results of their research on who they either interviewed or how many questionaires they get back, or a combination of both methods. Then, they draw their conclusions from their data. One of the drawbacks is that usually people who have a stake in the study are the ones who end up participating and so the study is not an actual random sampling. Plus, results can be skewed by the actual wording of the questions.
silktricks Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Why does anyone care what the statistics say? Each and everyone of us wants to believe that we are the unique case that will fly in the face of them anyway. (Unless of course the stat numbers are good, then we figure we will be among them.)
owcanbhppy Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 stats are so often twisted in the direction of the outcome desired, before information is compiled. ever see the differences in financials for a company when presented to potential investors as apposed to irs. same information, highly different outcome according to agenda - all outcomes 'true'.
Tony T Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Okay... Everywhere on the net there are statistics posted on the "success" or viability of relationships that started as extra-marital affairs. For example, most sites list the standard 75% that end in a second divorce. However, after discussing this with a friend over dinner, I've decided that this must be one of the most skewed stats in existence. How many people would legitimatly answer that with a big hand raise, nod, smile, and "Oh yeah, we started as lovers and look at us now!" Pa-leez, give me a break! I'd say there are far more couples making it than what you'd think... hesitate to jump on board with the doom and gloom... My feelings and observations tell me that relatively few people take the step of marriage after having an affair with each other. The attraction of an affair is the excitement of the possibility of being caught....the forbidden aspect of it. People who have affairs are usually addicted to that excitement or in some other funky psychological state that is not conducive to a healthy marriage...so they aren't likely to go the marriage route.
consternation Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 this is weird, because the statistics on second marriages in Australia are that they are more likely to be successful. (no data as to whether it's related to an affair etc though). They think people are more realistic and so on second time around.
Sami_D Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 The attraction of an affair is the excitement of the possibility of being caught.... Oh yes, being caught in an affair... what a dream situation that is???
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