Karmen Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Hi My name is Karmen and I am new here.... I really need some advice/inputs or someone just to shed some light on a situation for me... I met this guy online about 19 months ago... we started off being friends, really enjoyed being in each others company. 9 months later he called me for the fist time... and well since then you can say we are a couple.... He has never given me any reason to doubt him. He is straight forward in what he wants in life, call when says he will, and I have access to his home number, work number and mobile number. Got his home address and we sent packages to one another. No reason to believe he has someone in his life because I can call him day/ night and he is always available. I've seen about 70 pics of him, and has also chatted to his brother a few times online. The problem is: he doesn't want to meet. We both have the money to go visit each other... He claims that we don't know what the future holds for us and he is afraid of meeting me because he won't be able to let me go.... I believe he is serious and committed to our relationship. We talk everyday and he spends all his free time either online with me or on the phone. After 10 months being a couple I can feel the interest growing from both sides. Does that just sound like an excuse for not meeting - or is there a possibility that it could be his true feelings?
tearful_soul22 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 All i can honestly say is that "most" men online are truly interested in dating, friendship, long-term commitment, or marriage so basically it's done with honest intent. if he's desperate and needy emotionally, sexually, etc..etc..he won't take the time to indulge in any sort of romance with you online, but will instead head for the bars or meeting places where he knows he can find what he's after, immediately. Also, the reason he chose not to meet with you is perhaps due to his introvert nature, unsure of himself, and wants to take the slow way to get to know you better. But do bear in mind there are no guarantees that even if you seem grounded in this online relationship, there are still possibilities that all is not what it seems. Always remember to protect yourself and watch out for obvious clues..just in "case." The only way you can be at ease with this relationship is to simply ask him why he keeps making up excuses about not meeting with you. This question will always bother you unless you're upfront with him for a real honest answer. Is he hiding something? Is there someone else in his life that he is involve with or living with him? Does he had kids he didn't tell you about? All of these unaswered questions should be addressed before you commit yourself further in the relationship. Besides, 19 months is a long time to be hanging on and waiting patiently for him to actually meet with you. You deserve this courtesy from him. Take care, good luck, and keep us posted!
Author Karmen Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 He has never been married, and no kids are involved here.... His brother used to live with him, but moved out after he got engaged tot his girlfriend. Still live close by so they visit him quite often. Thats my point too, why will he spend so much time with me for 10 months (after we became a couple) everyday of his life whenever he can but doesn't want to meet. Thats why I am scared I am missing something here. He doesnt have excuses, he keeps on saying the only reason for this is the fact that he is scared for the feelings after we've met.He won't be able to let me go and he cannot move here very soon, and I will not be able to move to him also for a few reasons. So according to him while we so unsure about what the future holds, he'll rather not meet. While typing it it sounds valid .... urgh! I dunno
Chinook Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Karmen, it seems to me more that he's scared of the feelings of meeting! If you guys have been doing this for 10 months and you have no reason to suspect there is anything untoward... it could simply be that he's already attached to you but is afraid that the online persona isn't who you really will turn out to be. I'm not saying YOU are false but he may have unrealistic expectations or ideals of what he thinks about you. For example, I write very well... and so I come across textually as being fairly well educated and articulate. However, if you met me in real life, I'm painfully shy and not at all articulate. See where I'm going with this..? It could also be simply he's afraid.
Author Karmen Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Thanks for the reply... to both of you... it makes sense what u saying Chinook, its just that people were telling me if this guy really feels about you the way he says, he will do anything to meet you. But yeah maybe he is afraid.... The other thing is... it feels to me like he owes it to me - Am I wrong in thinking that? We share so much, and if we have the opportunity (financially) why not do it?... it feels like I need this to make sure this is what I want in my life. Whats the point of spending months behind a computer... not knowing what for? but thanks, both of you gave me some food for thought
lil_angel Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 well you really cant be a couple if you never meet. he may very well just be afraid. but there's going to have to come a time when he just gets over that and takes the leap. if he cant do that, how is it ever gonna work for you guys? unless you just want to have an internet boyfriend for the rest of your life. and do you really think its a good idea to relocate for the sake of each other without ever seeing each other in real life first? yes, he does owe it to you, and you to him, to meet before doing something serious like moving. dont threaten him or anything, but i would point this out to him, and make sure he knows he has to get over this fear if this relationship is really going to work
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