9Lives Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Okay guys see the word usually??? Thats why I put it in there so people don't try correct me? lol no I am actually very pestimistic I try to be optimistic. Not all ex's come back some do some don't. Mine probaly never will To me,it just all depends on what kind of relationship you had in the first place. Every man I have ever been with always wants to come back but most of the time, I have had enough. I think about what cause the break up in the first place. I have went back a couple of time but I have learned going back too soon with some you broke up with will lead to the same behavior that caused the break up in the first place. I think the man/woman has to really kinda suffer a little to learn the lesson about mistreating another person or appreciating them in their lives. I want my ex back but I need him to straighten up and I dont know if that will happen. Not waiting but only hoping and put myself in a position not to be let down anymore by that person.
Guest Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 In every instance where they broke it off in my experience, they've ALWAYS come back. They realized they screwed up. However, also in every instance, I had moved on and did not take them back. It seems like the very moment that I had moved on, they were back. It's almost like could sense me going away. Even if I wanted to go back, I had already moved on in my mind.
heartnsoul Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I agree! I've had the same experiences! I've had two significant LTR's end and both eventually came back. But, once I've moved on (emotionally) there's no turning back. I had an 8 year relationship that ended about 3 years ago. Mind you ... I pined away over both relationships for months after they ended. Well, my 8 year relationship contacted me this past Nov to 'test the waters'. I entertained the idea of a friendship but was definitely not interested in anything more. He came back expressing to me that even though he had entered another relationship that I was always on the forefront of his mind. Said that I had been an element of turmoil in that relationship. Anyways ... we rehashed and talked over all of the experiences we had together and expressed why at the times we'd done what we did. It was nice actually ... nothing like looking back with an objective frame of mind However, once I realized that he was looking to spark something back up ... I immediately backed away from him. He and I didn't speak again for a few months and he made another attempt but again ... just can't go there. Now that I've made a short story long My point is ... in my experience .. it does seem that they come back once you've moved on. Almost like a 6th sense on the ex's part. But, I imagine there's plenty of stories out there where people have broken up and gotten back together to live their 'happily ever after' or not lol
Ukwizard Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Okay guys, so I ve heard that they come back. Like I said before, either months or years. Another question I need to ask. Does the time (I mean how long, the period, or time factor) when you where together have a significant factor to determine if they will come back or not? Many people here seem to be have with their partners for years. (heartnsoul was in a relationship for 8 years)
9Lives Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Okay guys, so I ve heard that they come back. Like I said before, either months or years. Another question I need to ask. Does the time (I mean how long, the period, or time factor) when you where together have a significant factor to determine if they will come back or not? Many people here seem to be have with their partners for years. (heartnsoul was in a relationship for 8 years) For me, it depends on what happen or what is going on in my life or what that person is trying to do. This last guy was so sweet so if he gets his act together and I have not met anyone as sweet as him.....He will get that chance. Of course I will play it cool though
heartnsoul Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Another question I need to ask. Does the time (I mean how long, the period, or time factor) when you where together have a significant factor to determine if they will come back or not? I think there are too many factors to list to give an accurate answer to that question other than to say ... too many factors lol I will however say that the intensity of the bond between two people (IMO) can supersede the actual days, weeks, months, or years invested. Just remember UK that 'a watched pot never boils' I often have to repeat this concept to myself over and over again; especially when I'm waiting for something to happen that may or may not come to pass. So, be as pro-active as you can in moving beyond any expectations of your ex and yourself. Then is when you usually have the ability to make a healthy assesment to whether or not that person should even be in your life.
Ukwizard Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 'a watched pot never boils' I like that phrase, although I m not quite sure what it means, although you tried to explain it.
heartnsoul Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Let's just say you put a gallon of water in a pan on the stove top. AND, you can't do what you need to do until that water is at a complete boil. And, you're in a mad rush lol What's going to happen while you wait for that water to boil? IT'S GOING TO SEEM LIKE AN ETERNITY!!! lol That's all that saying means
sirjay Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 its the same as watching paint dry. it means: while you are focussed on something happening, it will always seem to take a really long time to happen. conversely, if you are doing other things, you likely will not even notice when it comes to pass. hence the best wisdom with breakups/getting back together etc is : get on with your life and be happy. it works on so many different levels, hard as it is. i struggled with it too after my breakup but as one typical example, i started working out, got in great shape and now feel great. as an added bonus, it gave my ex something to think about when we met back up, but that wasn't the reason for doing it.
Ukwizard Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Heartnsoul! T'S GOING TO SEEM LIKE AN ETERNITY!!! lol That's all that saying means I understand now. Thanks for clearing that up for me, hee hee:bunny:
Guest Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 For me, it was all about trying to go on and focus on myself. The more I focused on myself and not on getting them back, the more they were drawn back. It's almost a strength they sense in you. Strength is attractive. My last relationship lasted 3 years. It took a good year before they were calling, writing love letters, etc. They practically begged me to come back. Unfortunately what I had once wanted, which was to get back with them, was no longer what I wanted. It's actually kind of sad but you can't stay in that limbo for ever.
Ukwizard Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Hey Guest, I like what you say about It's almost a strength they sense in you. Strength is attractive. My last relationship lasted 3 years. It took a good year before they were calling, writing love letters, etc. They practically begged me to come back. Unfortunately what I had once wanted, which was to get back with them, was no longer what I wanted. It's actually kind of sad but you can't stay in that limbo for ever. There is a weak point to that statement. How do they know the `strength` in you if you do NC? Do you think ex`s only come back when everything has gone sour, and they have no one else to love, that they go back to finish what they started, or to rekindle a lost love? Remember my ex, says she will never go back. That sort of happened to me at school when I used to fance a girl in 5th year. It wasn`t until 3-4 years later, after I left school. I tried to contact her.
Kengne Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 3 Things in life are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes, and 3. Ex's that come back. They always come back. This has happened in my life 2x. I took them back, both times. And both times, it ultimately was the wrong decision for various *and different* reasons. Lesson learned: yes, exs come back. But be wary of WHY. Listen to your gut, if you feel smth is wrong or missing. K.
Ukwizard Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Wow Kengne! With all these stories, coming here on Loveshack. I`ll need to prepare for my ex`s return lol. I need to ask out of curiousity. When your ex`s came back. Both of them. Can you tell me; 1 How long you dated for? 2 What caused you to split/if it was a bad break up? 3 How long did your ex`s take to come back? If my ex came back, then death can`t come soon enough lol:laugh:
johnnytable Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 I've never had an ex come back, so factor that in hehe
sirjay Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 i have had several ex's come back. one came back after 7 years and told me straight up that all the other guys she had been with since were disappointing. several wanted to marry her but she didnt feel they had the strength of character, and she said no one had matched what we had sex wise. i didnt want to get back with her but we are good friends now. another ex reappeared to say hi many years later. i think she would have been interested in getting back. she was talking about things that i had said to her in 1989 that she had been living by all that time (!!). she was completely crazy when i was seeing her so i was quite wary when she started emailing and she got the message. a third reappeared a few years ago to talk. she broke up with me in a really unkind way (never a reason given, just suddenly refused to return my calls for 3 weeks). she told me in the first email that she had tried a relationship with a girl but she was a "typical crazy lesbian" and it didnt work out (talk about the pot calling the kettle black!). so i asked her via email if she had decided whether she was gay or bi and she disappeared again. i had come to the conclusion that we broke up because she was screwed up about her sexuality; this was the girl who bit straight through my bottom lip while we were kissing, for absolutely no discernable reason whatsoever- blood everywhere.
Guest Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 For me, it depends on what happen or what is going on in my life or what that person is trying to do. This last guy was so sweet so if he gets his act together and I have not met anyone as sweet as him.....He will get that chance. Of course I will play it cool though Not to take over the thread, but 9Lives... could you elaborate a little more? Did you break up with him? How long has it been? Are you doing anything to see or talk to him, or are you laying low until one day you decide to contact him to see if he's truly changed? The reason I ask is, my ex and I have been on and off friends since she broke up with me about 10 months ago. She recently mentioned something about seeing whether or not I've changed to see if we deserve another chance, yet she isn't doing much about it. We just talk maybe once a week to catch up, with no mention of "us". Are you in a similar situation? Do you think my ex just isn't ready? Through these past 10 months she had one boyfriend, and yet always wanted to remain friends. We have even argued once or twice, and she would say things like "I guess we'll never change". Lately, things have been going well, but, like I said, she puts forth no more effort then maybe a call once a week. Any reason as to why she may be acting like this and not wanting to see me or talk to me to see if things really can be different?
Ezydriver Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Has anyone ever noticed that the ex always seems to come back when you are finally over them or have found someone else? Can I hear more stories or confirmations on this?In my experience, yes. They probably cant bear the thought of you being over them and feel that enough time has passed without you contacting them. So they contact you.
9Lives Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 In my experience, yes. They probably cant bear the thought of you being over them and feel that enough time has passed without you contacting them. So they contact you.[/quote It has only been like two days and my ex is trying to come back. I will take him back only if he changes his ways. That is the only way. If not, then love will find me again.
PeanutHead88 Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 I AM BRITTANYJEAN06 hahah well guys my 19 year old ex ( ex for a year now) is engaged to his girlfriend. She happen to blog about me saying he never loved me. Oh geez what bull crap is she buying in too! hahaha well I guess ex's all want that ego boost. Just like I want an ego boost right now please don't ever let that ego boost get in the way of how you feel about your self. I know our ex's have their stories but for the most part WERE on this site their not. If my ex came back I'd sock it to him!! haha jk
9Lives Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Not to take over the thread, but 9Lives... could you elaborate a little more? Did you break up with him? How long has it been? Are you doing anything to see or talk to him, or are you laying low until one day you decide to contact him to see if he's truly changed? The reason I ask is, my ex and I have been on and off friends since she broke up with me about 10 months ago. She recently mentioned something about seeing whether or not I've changed to see if we deserve another chance, yet she isn't doing much about it. We just talk maybe once a week to catch up, with no mention of "us". Are you in a similar situation? Do you think my ex just isn't ready? Through these past 10 months she had one boyfriend, and yet always wanted to remain friends. We have even argued once or twice, and she would say things like "I guess we'll never change". Lately, things have been going well, but, like I said, she puts forth no more effort then maybe a call once a week. Any reason as to why she may be acting like this and not wanting to see me or talk to me to see if things really can be different? I would not put myself thru that if I was you. It is very painful and wreck havoc on your nerves and mind. To answer your question. It has only been really since Friday. He is having a hard time with the decision. I made the choice because He was not doing what he should be doing. I have been patient with him and I did not see any changes that we had talked about. I am really trying to do no contact but I think we are still trying to get clarity about what is going on between us so that is why I talk to him thru email. He is hurting and tells me he loves me. I hurt and love him too but there is something that comes between us that must changed. If that does not change...we wont be a couple again. As for you...I would not be friends with her until I was over her completely. If not ...expect pain and anguish. You dont have to live like that. If she is not talking about she wants you back...she misses you....anything about future plans....then you are in the "JUST FRIENDS" box. I am not saying kick her to the curb completely but I think for now.....YOU need to stay away from the friend thing until your desire has changed. The the meeting grounds will be even.
Kengne Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Wow Kengne! With all these stories, coming here on Loveshack. I`ll need to prepare for my ex`s return lol. I need to ask out of curiousity. When your ex`s came back. Both of them. Can you tell me; 1 How long you dated for? Ex #1- 2 mths, Ex#2 - 5 mths. 2 What caused you to split/if it was a bad break up? Ex #1- had feelings for another person; Ex#2 - ?? he was uncertain, overwhelmed with life, felt I still had unresolved feelings for another ex (not #1). 3 How long did your ex`s take to come back? Ex #1- 1 mth; Ex#2 - 1 mth. If my ex came back, then death can`t come soon enough lol:laugh: Hope that helps! Keep in mind - both 2nd chances flopped for different reasons. I don't regret either of them, but moving forward I am somewhat leery of 2nd chances and all that. K.
Ukwizard Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Okay so the topic was when they come back. Lets tweek it a little. What actually causes then to come back? Time? New relationship didn`t work out?
Brittjean06 Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Hm do sociopaths come back when their engadged? haaha or maybe they just call and hang up to screw with your head!!
sirjay Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Okay so the topic was when they come back. Lets tweek it a little. What actually causes then to come back? Time? New relationship didn`t work out? I think its mostly that people realise over time and with greater experience that what they had, while not perfect, was better than everything else they encountered. They reminisce. They miss.
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