FredTravels Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I am in my 40's and re-dating after a divorce. I have found that a lot of the "modern" women will not communicate. I was on a date last Saturday---she actually asked me if I wanted to go out so that was a plus and encouraging. We had casual conversation prior, so we knew a bit about each other. Well, the date was fine, had a good dinner, went to a comedy club, never starved for conversation, nice ride back to her house and a decent goodnight (good kiss) in the car. I could not go in because her son was home and also it was raining like hell. So, I got out of the car, dashed with her to the front door (yeah I forgot the umbrella), got another decent kiss and asked if she wanted to do it again? She said yes! Coolio! So, I called and we discussed about goiing out tonight. She said she had a docs appt this week and did not know about Thursday, but she would call me for sure. I also sent her an email saying that I hope all went well with the doc! But I have not heard back. It is now Thursday and I will make some plans with my buddies to go out. But, my question is...if she was not into me---why not say so? I am an adult and can take it. I am not naive enough to think that every "date" has to be the next greatest love. I just find it wierd that the signals to continue the learnign about each other were there---yet the follow up was nil. I figure, I called, I emailed...the ball is in her court.
Chinook Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Might you be being a bit premature..? What if something came up at the Doc's which has completely thrown her off course..? She might not even be giving you a second thought if that's the case. It may be the signals were there but something happened meantime to distract her. If it were me, and I weren't into you... I wouldn't have kissed you at all. Let alone followed up with another one and an assurance to call.
beach Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I agree with the OP! This seems to be all I am experiencing too... Men interested and want to see you again, then very little effort or contact... Geez, if you want to see me - say so... if not, say so! It is not a difficult concept... just be honest...
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I'm also 40ish and was back in the dating scene over the last year. I found some guys called alot, and wanted to see me alot (not alot of them). But most of them seemed to be okay with seeing me once every couple of weeks and maybe a phone call per week but it was hard to make plans for the weekend when hoping they would call. Everyone is different and it sucks at the beginning when you don't know what/who you're dealing with. Patience is the best way to go, and don't make assumptions. She could be into you, or maybe she doesn't know yet and needs another date or two. I would say something after the 3rd date if I know "this just isn't for me"
Stunner Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 It's pretty soon to be assuming that she's not that into you. She's a single Mom. As one of those myself things happen that can keep you from calling as often, etc. If it continues next time you'll have to make a choice. But until that time give her just a little slack. You are not the first priority on her list.
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I wouldn't exactly call it whimpy. I think it's just women are more independent after divorce and aren't seeking a heavy-duty relationship and all that it implies. I am much more likely to take it slow now and be a whole lot more spontaneous. Plus, we prioritize differently now. Maybe, like Chinook said, something came up. Being a single mom, a maintenance man, a landscaper, a cook, a maid, etc. takes a lot of time. Add that to being the sole breadwinner, and you see how busy it can get. Try and recognize that just because a woman doesn't make time for you, doesn't mean she wouldn't like to. If you genuinely like her, you will see and appreciate the life she lives and be glad when you finally do get to spend some one-on-one time with her.
Author FredTravels Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 I am not looking for a relationship and all it entaiils right now either. I mean isn't dating all about learning about one another to see if you want to continue? I would love to reassess after the second or third date...the issue is getting that second date! I know all about the business of a single parent--I am one and so is she, but I find it odd, that after the (IMHO) date went well, we made plans to talk and we did and set up a tentative plan and then nothing. I understand something can come up or there is another priority, but common decency says that you either do one of the following: 1. Call and say you cannot make it but want to reschedule 2. Call and say you are not into him but thanks for the dinner the other night 3. Call and lie your ass off so he never calls you again. 4. Call and say you are sorry and will be right over with a blow job to apologize. (Well, a guy can hope can't he?) But with email, cell phones, real phones, IM, text messages and so forth, it seems that keeping in touch would be a lot easier. As an update, I sent her another email and jsut said "Hey, hope all went well with the doc" in the subject line!
beach Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I am not looking for a relationship and all it entaiils right now either. I mean isn't dating all about learning about one another to see if you want to continue? I would love to reassess after the second or third date...the issue is getting that second date! I know all about the business of a single parent--I am one and so is she, but I find it odd, that after the (IMHO) date went well, we made plans to talk and we did and set up a tentative plan and then nothing. I understand something can come up or there is another priority, but common decency says that you either do one of the following: 1. Call and say you cannot make it but want to reschedule 2. Call and say you are not into him but thanks for the dinner the other night 3. Call and lie your ass off so he never calls you again. 4. Call and say you are sorry and will be right over with a blow job to apologize. (Well, a guy can hope can't he?) But with email, cell phones, real phones, IM, text messages and so forth, it seems that keeping in touch would be a lot easier. As an update, I sent her another email and jsut said "Hey, hope all went well with the doc" in the subject line! I find that men are acting in an elusive manner these days. I would just like one man to enjoy and have fun with. I love everything about men, but I'm getting discouraged by there attitude of entitlement and beginning to consider women as a general option... :lmao:
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 As an update, I sent her another email and jsut said "Hey, hope all went well with the doc" in the subject line! Well I hope she isn't taking you as desperate. Maybe it'll be a reminder for her to call you. I'm guessing it's probably on her to-do list. Or was. Honestly, your calling and your checking and then checking again would be an indication to me that you may just be someone I wouldn't want to deal with anymore. You seem obsessive just a bit. Like you said, the ball is in her court. Like it was BEFORE you sent her a second email. If I were you, I'd write her off NOW. And if she calls, then she calls. But I wouldn't count on it. PS You don't need to inform her in any way that you're writing her off. Just do it.
Author FredTravels Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 All these games people play. Thanks for your opinion...not sure I see it as desparate (but what the hell do I know)---she asked me to call and I did and we talked. I sent her an email after saying good luck at the docs. And a few days later I sent another one saying I hope all worked out well at the docs. This is nothing more than I would do with any friend or acquaintence, but again, you may be right. Beach--where do you live? We ought to get together LOL
beach Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 All these games people play. Thanks for your opinion...not sure I see it as desparate (but what the hell do I know)---she asked me to call and I did and we talked. I sent her an email after saying good luck at the docs. And a few days later I sent another one saying I hope all worked out well at the docs. This is nothing more than I would do with any friend or acquaintence, but again, you may be right. Beach--where do you live? We ought to get together LOL by the beach - of course silly! :lmao: so cal actually
rina_r Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I do hate too when people play games like that. I always prefer straight forward truth even if it may hurt. Better know that you can take a person out of your picture and move on.
Chinook Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 All these games people play. Thanks for your opinion...not sure I see it as desparate (but what the hell do I know)---she asked me to call and I did and we talked. I sent her an email after saying good luck at the docs. And a few days later I sent another one saying I hope all worked out well at the docs. This is nothing more than I would do with any friend or acquaintence, but again, you may be right. Beach--where do you live? We ought to get together LOL I don't think that's obsessive either. If she doesn't follow up on it now though, IMHO that's her second strike. Third one..? Nah. It's her turn to put some effort in. If she does, great. If not, she's a wimpy woman.. move on.
Author FredTravels Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Chinook that was my take on it. I mean i was not calling home, cell, texting, emailing and so forth. Two simple messages following up on a phone call. But, hey, I extended the courtesy---her turn.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I'm not one to play games, I like to be straight up especially at our age. I still wonder, and some people still give this advice, if I would attract my "dream man" by being elusive and playing the waiting game, and acting like I don't give a crap, and all those other stupid games to make him "chase me". God knows enough guys have played that with me!! I'm into a guy if he calls and shows that he is interested and gives me the attention I desire. I don't think I should have to play games for that. I'm sure she will return your message. Maybe things did NOT go well with the doc, who knows.
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I'm not one to play games, I like to be straight up especially at our age. I don't like to play games either. But if a guy is breathing down my neck, insisting that I contact him, I'm going to back off. It's not a game, it's just me being true to myself. There's a fine line between showing concern and bothering someone. Apparently she's weighing heavy on his mind right now. Yeah, it was nice of him to inquire on how she had done at the doctors, ONCE. PS I know some smart young people and some dumb old ones.
alphamale Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 So, I got out of the car, dashed with her to the front door Mistake #1...just drop her off. No need to walk her to the door. Thats so cliche! got another decent kiss and asked if she wanted to do it again? She said yes! Coolio! Mistake #2....never ask for or agree to another date while actually on a date. You should have said I'll call you next week sometime (don't give specific day). Then you call her and ask her out on next date. but she would call me for sure. I also sent her an email saying that I hope all went well with the doc! Mistake #3....you should wait for her to contact you. Don't go sending her emails and all that crap! You look totally desperate. But I have not heard back. And you probably won't. She's blowing you off FT. But, my question is...if she was not into me---why not say so? He already did...by not calling you back. Women like to take the indirect approach in these matters.
alphamale Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 As an update, I sent her another email and jsut said "Hey, hope all went well with the doc" in the subject line! oh and there's Mistake #4....
beach Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 alpha - she could have just been straight up and honest with him... is that too much to ask of a decent person?
alphamale Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 alpha - she could have just been straight up and honest with him... some women will be, but its the minority. the majority of females don't want to blow off a man to his face. some crap about "hurting someone's feelings"
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 the majority of females don't want to blow off a man to his face. some crap about "hurting someone's feelings" I think it's more hurtful not to give an explanation. But that's just me. She may call and let him know what's going on. But I do think his persistent interest after only one date may weird her out.
clynn Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 It isn't just not about hurting his feelings. She might honestly not be in touch with how she is feeling. And sometimes having some distance provides clarity. Alpha's list of mistakes is pretty accurate, actually. Except #1 - walking her to the door was nice and not overdone, I don't think. At the very least - you should defnitely at least wait for her to reach the door and is inside safely before driving away (a courtesy to be extended to any friend). #2 - Bang on. Not really a mistake to ask her out on a date while on one. However, the anticipation is actually kind of interesting for us. is he going to call? Or isn't he going to call?
alphamale Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Alpha's list of mistakes is pretty accurate, actually. thank you CLYNN #2 - Bang on. Not really a mistake to ask her out on a date while on one. Yes it is....and I'll tell u why. Cause many people go out on dates and have fun and flirt and laugh and then have no intention to see that person again. Sometimes you can't tell, especially with women because they are so good at "faking it". So the test is to say nothing about a subsequent date. And then call the person and see if they agree to another meeting. See, CLYNN....its very hard for some people to say "No" to someone else's face.
Outcast Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Her email could be down. Her computer could be down. She could have been sent directly to the hospital (happened to a friend of mine who just thought she had a cold). She could have been hit by a bus.
clynn Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Well, Alpha that may be true. I might be out with a guy, like the farter I was out with the other night and not really think I will go out with him again, but if he had asked me that night I would probably have said yet. However, if I had said yes I would probably also follow through on it.
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