LaraV Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Today I actually heard that it can possibly take 7 years to really REALLY get over someone. 7 YEARS! My jaws dropped. That means not a blip of a memory, a spark nothing! They don't register. That's freakin' scary. It better not take me that long. I guess I need to be patient with myself since it's not even been two months. You'd think the fact that he said "I don't love you" and "I don't want to marry you" would be enough to push me over the edge. That and knowing that all this time I was the only one in "the relationship." But no. Despite all that, there is this tiny itty bitty kernel of hope that maybe all of this was a nightmare and that he's going to wake up one day and realize he really loves me. Pfdt! I mean, how ridiculous is that!!!! I just can't believe I still have that tiny bit of shred of hope. I don't know what will finally push me over the edge, but it better hapen soon, because I think only then I will be set free.
a4a Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 You'd think the fact that he said "I don't love you" and "I don't want to marry you" would be enough to push me over the edge. That and knowing that all this time I was the only one in "the relationship." But no. Despite all that, there is this tiny itty bitty kernel of hope that maybe all of this was a nightmare and that he's going to wake up one day and realize he really loves me. Pfdt! I mean, how ridiculous is that!!!! I just can't believe I still have that tiny bit of shred of hope. . See this is where I think people differ. If a person said that to me I would believe it. Then it would move to logic = there is nothing that I can do about it so no sense in hoping it will change. Then add in the damage done and realize that this person is not in my best interests. Then again maybe I am a straight shooter and say exactly what is on my mind when communicating without pulling a single punch..... so I assume others do the same when saying such significant things to me. I suppose it is a weird form of trust that they are telling me the truth.
witabix Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 1. Dishonesty. 2. Lack of respect, for herself/me/our relationship. 3. The death of intimacy. Add them up and there is no way to repair that damage. Put up the scaffolding, repair your heart and move on. Start the next chapter.
LaraV Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 See this is where I think people differ. If a person said that to me I would believe it. Then it would move to logic = there is nothing that I can do about it so no sense in hoping it will change. Then add in the damage done and realize that this person is not in my best interests. Then again maybe I am a straight shooter and say exactly what is on my mind when communicating without pulling a single punch..... so I assume others do the same when saying such significant things to me. I suppose it is a weird form of trust that they are telling me the truth. Oh you are absolutely right. See that's the thing! I'm a straight shooter, too! And I know that if this had been a friend of mine going through the same ordeal I would have told her to get a clue!!! That's WHY this one is so hard on me - because I think with logic! Because this is not supposed to be happening to me. THAT should be enough to push me over the edge. It's the tiny bit of hope that's driving me crazy because I feel that I'm not thinking straight. That somehow I'm defective for not "getting it." However, my therapist kind of made me have a "break through" of sorts yesterday. He said that maybe it was my pride getting in the way of forgivng myself for thinking this way. He said, "Lara, get over it! So these things are not supposed to happen to you, so what? You're human, you made a mistake, now get over it!! You're not infallible." I looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Maybe he's right. Maybe I fell too hard for this guy and that's left me a bit brain damaged. Maybe when I get my brain working the right way, THEN I'll know that I'm over it. Oh I can't wait for that day!!!
In Sync Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 That's freakin' scary. It better not take me that long. I guess I need to be patient with myself since it's not even been two months. You'd think the fact that he said "I don't love you" and "I don't want to marry you" would be enough to push me over the edge. That and knowing that all this time I was the only one in "the relationship." But no. Despite all that, there is this tiny itty bitty kernel of hope that maybe all of this was a nightmare and that he's going to wake up one day and realize he really loves me. Pfdt! I mean, how ridiculous is that!!!! I just can't believe I still have that tiny bit of shred of hope. I don't know what will finally push me over the edge, but it better hapen soon, because I think only then I will be set free. I am starting to see how yes, something as powerful as a breakup can still leave a stain on your life. The 7 year prospect is daunting though. No, it doesn't mean you cannot get on with your life, but that the residue is still in our system. Logically we get on, we even get in other relationships, but that breakup and it's scars are still underneathe the surface. We have a choice in how we can view the scar, a sign of something we overcame but that person indeed effected our lives. When you can completely not think of them it's over. The very fact that we even write about our experiences regardless if you maintain NC (and especially if you are in contact) says the relationship is still influential in our lives.
Ariadne Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Hi, when did many of you finally allow yourself to “let go” and no longer hold hopes for a prior relationship? I still haven't "let go." I still hope that some day I'm going to talk to him again. What was it that pushed you over the edge? I was never even close to the edge. What is it that finally makes someone snap and go “why the heck am I wasting time thinking about somebody who was been foolish enough to let me go? Usually when that happens to me, is when I start liking someone else. Looking forward to hearing your answers :-) Surely, Ariadne
dominsane Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 When he told me that he didn't want to get back together because I was stalking him. lol...but really, I wasn't. Now, I'm pretty much over him. I just miss the..physical closeness we had...(and having nothing to do during the week sucks too...)
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