stevensgirl Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Just out of curiosity, a couple together for a year, living together for 6 months, shouldn't sex be more often than 3 times a month? He's 42 & I am 39. With all of our other problems, nothing like being sexually frustrated to make matters worse. Also, for a guy, if at night while laying in bed watching television his girlfriend spends an hour or so carressing him (down below) shouldn't he get an erection? What if he loves her but he isn't sexually attracted to her? At night, while he's asleep, 2-3 times I'll look over at him and he'll have an erection in his sleep so I know it isn't that he can't get one. Just wondering???
Author stevensgirl Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Also, I would have sex 3 times a week if he was game for it, is that abnormal? He makes it sound like I'm some sort of sex freak whenever I tell him that I think people our age have sex more often than we do. I don't believe I've ever heard a guy complain that his girlfrien wanted too much, course I've not been around enough to know and may be a little bit on the dummy side when it comes to this sort of thing.
Pink Amulet Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Wow- certainly not a sex freak! For four years I was having sex with my partner two or three times a day. I can't imagine how you must feel- however I would certainly not jump to the conculsion that he is not sexually attracted to you. It is more than just the physiological side of sex (his erection) that is required for a mans sex drive. Perhaps there are some emotional and personal reasons for his mental impotence. Can I ask how often you too once had sex in the honeymoon stage lets say? (however I would consider only living together for six months a 'honeymoon period')
Author stevensgirl Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 If you read my last post you'll see some of the major problems we have. Its always been a couple of times a month but at the very begining of our relationship he was sleeping with me AND his ex-wife (bad subject) now he doesn't seem to be interested at all. He does point out other women that he finds sexually attractive and I don't look like any of them!!!
Pink Amulet Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Hmmm, well the problem withn this particular subject is you can't expect to get a 100% honest answer if you brought it up. But it is worth a try. Perhaps, surprise him with some sexy lingerie one night! Although, It sounds to me like this problem could stem from some unresolved issues in his last marriage....
Walk Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 To answer the original question. Sex 3 times a week isn't excessive. Long term relationships don't always see that kind of frequency... But at the 6 month point, my bf and I were having sex anywhere from 3-6 times a week. Sometimes twice a day. The lack of a sex drive on his part is a symptom of the bigger problem. I wonder if that's why his first wife cheated on him. She got fed up of feeling unattractive and undesired, so she went looking for it? Or maybe he had a healthy drive then.
Author stevensgirl Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 This morning I put on a hot little, lace, crotchless body stocking. Did up my hair, and makeup and woke him up an hour early with a good-morning and a kiss and asked him if he'd felt like getting up an hour early and he flat out rejected me. That's about all this little heart can take. I don't think I can take much more rejection............
Walk Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 OUCH!!!!!!! What an A-HOLE!!!!!! Get some distance from this guy asap. Pull back. I know you can't physically remove yourself right now, but emotionally/mentally remove yourself for a while. As best you can. You need to do some serious thinking. After all you've been through in life.. You DON'T need this in your life. Put the priority on you! What you need, want and desire. You've had so many supposed "men" who have treated you like crap... You deserve so much more from life. At the very least, absolute rock bottom... Find some time today to do something that is going to help patch up the hit to your self-esteem. I know you don't have much money, but this is important. Go to a spa, or buy something you have really wanted for a while. Get a message. Go for a drive. Buy a CD, or down load some music. Go for a walk. Something. Anything. But do it for you and only you. You have his daughter today? Do you think you could get a babysitter for a few hours? Or maybe she's old enough to leave on her own for an hour or so... You deserve so much better than how this man treats you. He doesn't even know how good he's got it. He's so caught up in wanting his exW, that he can't even see how much he hurts you.
Author stevensgirl Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 There really is nothing I can do today, his daughter is only 8 and i wouldn't leave ehr with just anyone. I'm going to play "hairdresser" with her anyway, that's what she likes. Yea, this was a big blow to that part of me that made me feel even remotely....something, I don't know. He didn't even just reject me, he got mad at me and when I tried not to cry he got even madder and told me that I am taking it a as a sexual rejection. How else can you take that?? I feel so ugly right now, and like a flat out HO for throwing myself at him. I don't think I'm ugly or fat but it's got to be something. Maybe it is the size difference between us, I'm 4'7" 110lbs and he's 6'2" 220lbs, I know that is grasping but I just don't understand.All I want is to be happy and have someone in my life that loves me for me. I'd almost rather be with my first husband, getting hit hurts for far less time than this. My second husband at least I know now that there was nothing I could possibly have done to interest him, couldn't grow a penis...... Thank you everyone for your advice, I guess it is up to me now to make a decision.
rina_r Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 There are guys like that. I lived with a 27-year old guy with whom we had sex ...only once a month. He preferred to watch porn alone than do me. He also hated kissing and cuddling, - it was "yak" to him. After 8 months i left him. I knew i deserved better.
Walk Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Listen, YOU aren't the problem here. You're attempting to find "blame" for this in you. But it's not you. I guarantee it. It has nothing to do with how you look at all. This is HIS screwed up brain. and he's making it your problem by taking it out on you. Stevensgirl, I'm starting to think that he used you to make his exW jealous. To gain her attention. But now she is on to the next, and not showing him the attention he was getting from her. I'm not so sure he is interested in "You" the person, but used you to get at his ex. In all those long conversations you had with the ex-wife... did she ever say he was emotionally or verbally abusive to her? Just curious... How about after the Xwife picks up the daughter tonight, you could do something just for you? You could schedule a massage for later this evening and have all day to look forward to it. Or, if you're like me, I hate spending money on myself.. so maybe instead you could call up one of your friends and hang out with them for a few hours. Talk about stuff, or just catch up on events. Its amazing how good it is just to be around someone who wants to hear how you've been lately. You're the first person I've talked to in ages who is shorter than I am. (I'm 4'10")
prfrogkisser Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I have to agree with WALK. Dont you ever blame yourself for any emotional abuse this man is putting you through. You are a wonderful and great human being. He is lucky to have someone like you. Concentrate on yourself right now no matter how tough it seems.Keep yourself busy with work, friends and family. This will distract you. Listen and look to the men around you. Do you think they find you attractive? Im sure they do. Sometimes we are so caught up in our personal problems that when someone else gives us a compliment we dont even notice. Dont let this situation get the best of you. For some apparent reason he is pushing you away and being totally cruel to you while you are trying your best. Girl ive been there. Its going to get tough since you have no clue why he is acting this way.Im sure the real reason will come out soon. No matter what it is dont let this break you.
beach Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Even after being married for 20 years we still had sex almost every day... some days 2-3 times. Hey, it was good and it was fun, so why not? I think the more you have it - the more you want it. Well, if it's a good thing. There are medical reasons why some people become less interested in sex.
Recommended Posts