Conflicted

[hbd1981]

Hi everyone,

 

I broke up with my ex boyfriend a month ago. The breakup was very mutual. We were together for four months. He is the one who pursued me for months, and I was hesitant to hang out with him...but I eventually did and I fell HARD. There were problems- the only time we went out alone was on our first date! He constantly invited his friends everywhere we went, and we were never alone. I told him it upset me, and he expressed that he was sorry, but he never worked on it. I felt neglected and ignored. He talked more to his friends when we were out than he did to me. I don't know, I feel like maybe it was me.

 

I'm shy and he's outgoing....maybe if I were more interesting he would have stayed interested? I hate that I am doubting who I am - a sweet, kind, compassionate person, because we broke up. We broke up and we said we would remain friends, but we're doing the NC thing. He told me when we broke up that he still loves me and he still has feelings for me, but that he thinks he's not ready for a relationship right now. He admitted to me that it was all his fault and he knows what he did wrong. I still care for him though. He was my first everything...if you get my drift. I waited 24 years for that special person and I thought he was it. So yes, I am having some difficulty getting over him. Another problem is that I check his myspace page all the time (we're still friends on myspace) and he puts up pictures of girls and he fills out surveys and I think he's being a little spiteful.

 

One of the survey questions was, "do you miss your ex?" and he said "NOPE!", just like that. He knows I look at his page, so why is he being a prick? I'm mad at myself because I am so conflicted about this: sometimes I am happy that we broke up because I don't have to constantly worry about him and what he's thinking and why he's ignoring me...sometimes I am angry that he's not come crawling back to me, realizing his mistake...sometimes I am sad because the first three months were blissful (we even went on vacation together) and I wish it could have lasted...and I'm mad at myself...because I am holding on to hope that he'll come back to me and I'm also mad that I stay up for hours and waste my time thinking about him...and I just want to get over it, but part of me doesnt want to get over it.

 

I know that the way I was treated at the end wasn't right, but I can't let go. I just need some insight. I am sorry if this post isn't very coherent and doesn't make sense, I am just all over the place and have been thinking about it a lot lately.

 

Thanks so much,

M

[MrPot]

Well first of all, this guy is showing us all what dedicated NC does to a person. Observe and learn.

 

Maybe he knows that if he behaves this way, you'll want him back more?

 

I'm not sure, but one thing is for sure: if you want him back, you have to at least appear as if you're just as enthusiastically over the relationship. I'm not saying to play games; just withdraw from him. Don't read his MySpace.

 

If you want him back, it's just simply counterproductive to pine over him and push him in any way. Try to remove him from your life right now as much as possible.