linn949 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 6 months ago I found a phone number in my SO's wallet,After going crazy because I had found the number and after calling the number and knowing it was a women,he told me he just ran in to this 26 year old with 3 kids and married ,they had talked 2xs at the speedway and 2xs at the walmart, nothing else,just bs,told me it was a stupid and there was nothing to it for me to foret it,he had,he told me ne NEVER SAW he,NEVER SPOKE to her, he NEVER THOUGHT about her unless I brought it up and yes in the last 6 months I have brought it up. WHY you mite ask...Because I knew I just knew there was something going on, SEE 20 years ago I was his OTHER WOMEN,I knew by the way he acted, the way he was treating me and not treating me, I KNEW and yet he lied everday to me, He KNEW this was making me Phisicaly making me sick and Mentally he knew I was being hurt by this and yet he LIED,.Angie his FRIEND as he says even knew what all this was doing to me because she told me herself....He and Angie both told me they are only friends and she says her husband is aware of there "friendship" and trust her,Than why all the lies the meeting in the park where I busted them sitting in her car. IF this is just a friendship than why lie to me and not include her husband and I in a Co worker friendship?? Yes they work together everyday shes the tow motor op, and if i had not caught them together and he had just told me that it was Angie the towmoter GIRL (26) (hes 47) that she and her husband were cool people and she wanted us all to get together I would have believed him because she weights a good 75 pounds more than I do and I KNOW Iam a better looking women than she is even there boss told me this after I went to him.. If there was never anything except friendship why the hiding ? this has hurt me more than anything, 14 years ago I left my husband to be with him and he left his wife for me, as I said this has been going on for 20 years, I have found little bits of hints through the years but this time I BUSTed him and her dead to right.Angie the girl told me her husband know there friends and trust her all I can say is Iam going to let this girls husband know everything even telling him to go talk to the boss about the rumors around the plant, I DONOT care how much I make this girls life hell, I want her to suffer as much as I have,she is a married women , she knew this evenput me in the hospital and yet she kept,they both kept there "FRIENDSHIP" well when I get done with her she will have wished she had never meet George . Iam so Hurt,devistated and angry I dont know what to do.He's living at our camper,shes with her husband and my significant others things are still here, hes not taken any thing more than he needs to get along and they are seeing each other everyday,I have tryed to talk with him and he turns this on me, I was bitching,(well ya I knew) and he will not tell me what he wants. Me,her, god only knows, Iam clueless.I cant eat,Iam crying all the time and believe the things that have gone threw my head,I think about how we made love and a picture of them together comes in to my mind and I lose it,Iam not the young kid I was when him and I first got together and I have never devoted myselk to anyother man the way I have him,how do you make the pain,the thoughts,the rage and anger go away.
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 You need to detach yourself emotionally now. Get proof, evidence of his cheating, and contact a lawyer. See what your options are. Even if you don't pursue this route, at least you will have some power in this hopeless situation you find yourself in. It doesn't matter that you're older now. As long as you are wiser. Sounds like 20 years ago he sold you a line and you fell for it. But you didn't realize that cheaters cheat. Point blank. Could he be going through mid-life crisis? If so, maybe he needs counseling to deal with it. And you may want to be there for him to support him in this. I feel bad that you are going through this. Sincerely. But thinking of retaliation against her is not a good option for you. Ask yourself why you'd want to do this. Was this done to you 20 years ago? If so, please have the dignity to not repeat someone else's bad behavior. I realize you're hurt, but right now you need to get it together and act with your head rather than your wounded heart.
RecordProducer Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Linny, from your post it's not OBVIOUS that he has slept with her or has any feelings for her. I understand the distrust of an ex-OW, given that he cheated on his wife with you, but YOU also cheated on your husband with him. He lives with you so he probably loves you, right? The "signs"... oh, the signs - a magical word that can mean a total white and a total black, intuitive perfect guesses or perfect delusions. She has at least 50 lbs more than she needs (if I would assume that you're extremely skinny). You're better looking and trust me, guys don't fall for OW who are worse looking than their wives. I remember when I told my ex-husband that I thought he cheated on me with Eva, he said: "Are you nuts? You're so much better looking, why would I eat a burger after a steak?" And he wasn't so much into looks, his first wife was not built well at all and he loved her. You're jealous of her youth and you most likely have problems in your relationship. You're probably angry that he never married you. Do you have children? How about him? I think you just have lots of problems to resolve and you need to find peace with yourself and feel good about your (new) age, looks, etc. Older women can be so interesting and sexy. Life can be fulfilling. I think you depend on him emotionally too much. Sitting in the car with someone is not a crime. Why he hid it and lied? Hm... many men will hid and lie things that potentially hurt their ladies. It's the truth. It's the case probably. Relax! You have yourself, you have him. If he is cheating, sooner or later, you will find out. Look him straight in the eye and ask him to tell you honestly if he has ever slept with this woman and how he feels about her. Explain to him that you're very upset and if he wants to keep you, he might want to stop leaving a sour taste in your mouth about your relationship. Remember, relationships are hard and we need to work on them. But we also need to work on ourselves. Sometimes we ask for too much. Especially us women. We seem to be never content. We get furious about the mention of anything that has to do with another woman while men can endure a lot of jealousy without letting us know. Please keep us posted about your feelings, I hope we can help you. Don't worry so much, sweets!
Author linn949 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Linny, from your post it's not OBVIOUS that he has slept with her or has any feelings for her. I understand the distrust of an ex-OW, given that he cheated on his wife with you, but YOU also cheated on your husband with him. He lives with you so he probably loves you, right? The "signs"... oh, the signs - a magical word that can mean a total white and a total black, intuitive perfect guesses or perfect delusions. She has at least 50 lbs more than she needs (if I would assume that you're extremely skinny). You're better looking and trust me, guys don't fall for OW who are worse looking than their wives. I remember when I told my ex-husband that I thought he cheated on me with Eva, he said: "Are you nuts? You're so much better looking, why would I eat a burger after a steak?" And he wasn't so much into looks, his first wife was not built well at all and he loved her. You're jealous of her youth and you most likely have problems in your relationship. You're probably angry that he never married you. Do you have children? How about him? I think you just have lots of problems to resolve and you need to find peace with yourself and feel good about your (new) age, looks, etc. Older women can be so interesting and sexy. Life can be fulfilling. I think you depend on him emotionally too much. Sitting in the car with someone is not a crime. Why he hid it and lied? Hm... many men will hid and lie things that potentially hurt their ladies. It's the truth. It's the case probably. Relax! You have yourself, you have him. If he is cheating, sooner or later, you will find out. Look him straight in the eye and ask him to tell you honestly if he has ever slept with this woman and how he feels about her. Explain to him that you're very upset and if he wants to keep you, he might want to stop leaving a sour taste in your mouth about your relationship. Remember, relationships are hard and we need to work on them. But we also need to work on ourselves. Sometimes we ask for too much. Especially us women. We seem to be never content. We get furious about the mention of anything that has to do with another woman while men can endure a lot of jealousy without letting us know. Please keep us posted about your feelings, I hope we can help you. Don't worry so much, sweets! No Iam not extreamly skinny, but this girl has to be atleast 225-235 nasty looking hair,skin ect.This girl just had a baby last year. 6 months ago when I found her phone # I lost it I cryed and he told me he meet this girl named Debbie (angie really) at the gas station 2xs and ran into her at the walmart 2xs,he told me what she looked like(not really) he even went as far as to show me where she was standing at walmart!!!For 6 months yes I saw the signs,the never telling me he loved me unless I said it first,the lack of sex,the lack of showing me affection,you know when your being F....and when your being made love to. I would ask him what was wrong,help me to understand whats going on with him,nothing. When I found her # instead of making the lies so big, he could have told me it was Angie the towmoter operator at work,we have become friends,Ive gotten to know her and lets gettogether with them sometime! even if it were a lie it would have been better that the lies he told..He has told her everything about our life together,intamate details that you dont share with a co-worker..a women co worker at that.All the time I was begging him to talk to me about this change in him, no it was better to talk to this girl who has not had the like experiances we have had. No we have no children together but for 14 years we have raised my 3 and his 2 together, he has 2 granchildren and I have 1, these children think of us as there grndmother and granpa, We were to get married this Oct.I know how this man is with small children, they get on his nerves,he does o.k with our grandchildren but others children No.Remember he is 47 and loves that we have no small children to hold us back..whats he going to do with her 3...ages 9months,3 and 4....they dont fit on the back of the bike to good. You said relax I have him..how do you see that? like I said he's living at our camper ? He has not tried to talk nothing.If this is just a co worker friend how could he put going to the park to see her beforegoing to the hospital to see his sonwho had knee surgery that day or coming to try and work things out after 2 weeks? I maybe wrong in my thinking but I feel know one would put a co-worker friendship before there family or there relastionship if there was nothing going on and when you know and admitt to her there friendship? is causing a lot of problems, he has showed me that he's mor willing to put the effort into meeting with her than us.Theres talk around the factory about them so much, I now know why he didnt want to company events.I believe if you are sneaking and lieing to your partener you should not be doing it.But agai this is the same man who swore that he would never cheat (and yes I feel when you talk about your relationship with them and shut your partner out its cheating)on me because he loved me and too many people get hurt. I did ask him if anything sexual went on and no was the answer but SHE did kiss him once !!!!I even sat trying to work this out talking to him last night and told him "if this was only a friendship than why couldnt her husband and I all of us be friends,than when I could see for my self after all the lies that I was wrong that they are just friends and I wouldnt have the insecurity I feel now with him working every day together,No way he says shes so mad it wouldnt work..What the heck is she so mad about ? She didnt catch me ,if after all these months this has been going on and he told her it was hurting me as a friend and nothing more wouldnt a true friend tell him that if there friendship was coming in between and causing problems that she didnt want to be in the middle,she knew all the lies he told me, and come out in the open about there"friendship" so know one got hurt anymore.
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I believe if you are sneaking and lieing to your partener you should not be doing it.But agai this is the same man who swore that he would never cheat This is the same man who probably told his first wife that he loved her, and wouldn't ever cheat on her either ... I'm not saying, once a cheat always a cheat - But it doesn't look good. He's doing something that isn't right, that's for sure. He has told her everything about our life together,intamate details that you dont share with a co-worker..a women co worker at that You know from experience I assume...He probably dicussed things with you that he should have shared with his first wife...I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm mentioning this because there's a pattern. Get into marriage counselling and fix things. He shouldn't be having such close friendships with women, getting involved in their lives. You are right, if there is nothing to hide then ALL of you should be able to get together........ The fact that they have kissed has opened the door. Do you love him enough to work on this marriage, or is the trust shaken, or gone for good? You need to decide what you want.
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I do know that he did not love his first wife,they had there daughter before they got married, everyone including ex wife,daughter parents have told me they knew he never loved her that he was pushed into doing the "right thing and take care of his daughter and he did.
Author linn949 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 I know that he never loved his ex they had a baby before they got married and everyone including his ex,daughter,family has told me they pushed him into marring her to do the right thing and take care of there daughter so thats what he did.We have been together 14 years with nothing to force us to stay together,even through the very hard times we have always worked our problems out, I dont understand why hes done this?
Bryanp Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I would contact the OW's husband and discuss it with him. I am sure she is lying that he is O.K. with the friendship. I am sure he would not be once he found out the truth.
Author linn949 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Oh I do plann on talking with her husband,I dont know there last name,I just found out her real first name,I did get all but the last # of her licence plate and she has not driven her car to work since I caught them together (tells ya something ha)I believe she drove her husbands truck and I did get that licence #. I have contacted a PI and today I will hopefully know were she lives. I trully want to sit down with her husband and to know just what about there "friendship" he knows. For all I know he gets into her having sex with other men and telling him later about it ??Or they mite be swingers and there all involved??????At this point nothing will shock me! I just want the truth and as I told my SO tell me the truth than let me figuar out what "I" can deal with and what I cant,but he wont tell me anything at all not if he wants me,her,nobody he has said nothing except that this is my fault because I B.....ched a bout there being someone else.I do know that after 3 weeks of him staying at our camper and me here at home with ALL his things he needs to do something or his stuff may end up in her front yard.
Author linn949 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 also I dont understand why a man who has told me he could never be with a women who out weighed him,is seeing her,I know people will say Iam being angry and see really cant believe shes this unatractive.....well she is .
RecordProducer Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Hun, I really think you're beating a dead horse here with this woman. You mentioned that he is not putting enough effort in your relationship and I think that's the main reason why you feel upset - you feel neglected. Women fight because they feel neglected, they just change the reasons for a fight. It could be anything from why he's reading a newspaper instead of talking to her to finding another woman's phone number, from why he went to a funeral by himself to why he doesn't give her oral anymore... And men are prone to crawl in their shells, leaving us behind, and do their own thing. The reason number one for a divorce is not cheating or physical abuse - it's neglect. Feeling left out hurts more than anything. And being told that you look nice today by your partner means more than being told that you look like a model by 100 strangers on the same day. Women want romance. In an ideal world, any given woman would probably be happiest if she could change her partner every 5 years (without the painful break-ups) and have romance her whole life. We don't want casual sex or getting comfortable in our relationships - unlike men. I suggest that you ask him if he loves you and wants to stay with you. In reality, you're not married and he is in his best age. He can find another lover if he is not content with you. But I think he must love you if he is with you. You only need to work on your relationship. Think of something romantic like a trip (the summer is a good time for that) or escape to a rented cabin in the woods for one day. Do something interesting together, read a funny article and laugh together, play tennis or mini golf together (doesn't matter if you don't know how to)... The secret of love happiness is to do things together. And when you're apart... find ways to enjoy yourself without him. About this girl, she's just a fat woman with bad hair and skin, how can you be jealous of her and think he might be cheating on you? He did the wrong thing by lying to you and you should resolve that. Let him know that when you catch him in a lie, it makes it impossible for you to trust him in the future. I think he is flattered by her attention and feels guilty about it, but it's hard to imagine him desiring a 230-lb weighing woman, really. (Sorry to all overweight ladies, but it's different when you're already married vs. when a guy meets you and you have 100 extra lbs while the guy is thin.)
Author linn949 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 YES YES YES SHE is atleast that.....My SO is avery good looking 47 year old,long blond hair blues,6"2 I KNOW he could have something better looking than that.TRUST me when I say I really was shaken with her age 26,OK I felt I couldnt pompeate with a "26" year olds body,after watching the porns he enjoys I always thought that was the type he would go after.True he has never said a word about my weight and ALL WAYS talked about over weight women and why would the let them selfs get like that. I weight 145-155 size 10-12 This girl is atleast 225 and theres very pretty BIG girls out there but shes not even pretty fat.It makes me sick to think he maybe haveing sex with her,I really have tryed to look good for him,thinking thats what made him happy........OH I did talk w/the PI and have her address and home phone # !!!I have caught him on that part of town and when ask why he was there, no reason at all just thought he would drive through "town" Bull he hates traffic,avoids Town any other time?Iam leaving now to go there, I do plan on talking with her husband.
jonesgirly Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 but shes not even pretty fat :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I'm at work and I just couldn't help laughing out loud at that description. Thanks, Linn, for the chuckle (and I have no idea why that struck me as being so funny!)
RecordProducer Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I still don't understand why you think he's sleeping with her. I mean, if it's because of her age, he could have a pretty 26 or 36-year old. If she is totally not attractive, why does her age matter at all? If I were you, I would just tell him: "Hey, I know there's nothing going on between you two and she's ugly, but please, please tell me the truth about your meetings and the whole friendship. I am flattered that someone likes my boyfriend so feel free to tell me everything. :)" He might tell you the whole truth if you're not attacking him. Hiring a PI for this stupid thing is ridiculous. I bet you he's not sleeping with her, especially if he talks with disgust about overweight women.
jonesgirly Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I think he does seem guilty of something. Whether or not he got caught in an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker, or is having a full-blown affair with her remains to be seen. The tip of the iceberg, to me, would be that he admitted that "she kissed him" once. Pile on the lies he's told you (wrong name, different description, whether or not he's seen her), and well, there is usually more to the story. You need to stop focusing on her physical appearance. Whether or not she's fat, ugly, beautiful, or just average, doesn't matter. Read around here - the OW is not usually the striking beauty we'd expect men to leave their wives for. I've seen it happen - men get 'sucked in' by the flattery and attention they receive from these women. Next thing you know, and just like 2:00a.m. at the bars, they're all real purrty. I understand your emotions - you don't KNOW what to think of this relationship. But calm down, girl..... you need to think clearly if you're going to sort it all out. First of all, talk to this girls husband to see if what she's saying is the truth (that he is aware of her 'friendship' with your SO). Be sure to mention the phone calls and the fact that you 'caught' them together in the park. See what he has to say. Secondly, going after the "girl" isn't going to get you anywhere. Be careful she doesn't turn around and slap a restraining or harrassment case on you. Your concern should be more focused on your SO/husband. Nobody can 'steal' a man from another. I understand that you're very anxious and highly emotional right now (it shows in your postings). But really, you may be giving your SO/husband a lot of good reasons to hide out in the camper! Thats not saying that he doesn't deserve to be hogtied and whipped for lying and deceiving you, but you need to be aware that you will begin to appear very 'unattractive' to him if you continue the high-strung approach. Maybe he needs to see that he should respect you. That means that you will need to act in way worthy of respect. Hold your head up high, take care of yourself, dress to the nines whenever you leave the house, and in general, make yourself somebody he wouldn't want to risk losing forever because of his own stupidity. Its a bitch to do, but it seriously works. Decide what you will and will not tolerate in your relationship (lying, inappropriate 'friendships', sneaking around, etc.). I guarantee that when he sees you 'fully functioning' without him, he will see things a LOT more clearly. Stop sitting and staring at the camper, wishing that he wanted to come in and talk with you (and tell the truth). Get yourself shined-up and go out for a while! Don't do anything stupid, but just get out of the house, and focus on yourself for a while! You may have to force yourself to do it, but its worth it.
P1xie Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 linn949 would you feel better if she was not fat and ugly? Could you understand it more by thinking wow she's so hot no wonder he's cheating/thinking about cheating on me? I really don't think it would matter. I think it would be just as painful. But, instead of you criticize the OW for being ugly you then be criticizing yourself for not being pretty enough. It's a no win situation. I would concentrate on what is making him drift apart from you if in case he is looking to cheat and you want to save the relatioship.
Jana Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 linn949, So what happened when you confronted her husband or did you?????? What is the update of your situation? Please let us know. One thing is to calm down and be reational. Detach yourself emotionally.
ridingthebulls Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 If he's screwing a big fat nasty looking broad, then you know you must be failing miserably in the personality department. Or maybe he just has self-esteem issues and you aren't giving him the attention he needs. 20 years ago, his ex was in the same situation probably talking the same filth about you.
Author linn949 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Posted July 31, 2006 If he's screwing a big fat nasty looking broad, then you know you must be failing miserably in the personality department. Or maybe he just has self-esteem issues and you aren't giving him the attention he needs. 20 years ago, his ex was in the same situation probably talking the same filth about you. First of all Iam not talking trash about her,unless YOU have seen this girl with your own two eyes and you know what your talking about do not assume ,I must be "failing miserably in the personality department and not giving him the attention he NEEDS" It has become very apparent from reading many threads that Men really will "DO" about any women no matter there wifes looks ,her personality or how much she stokes his eago and showers him with attention,HE will screw around for what ever lame excuse he comes up with.I know for a fact his ex wife also kissed his a**and put up with his "ways" for far longer than I'am willing,I know well she treated him and he chose to cheat on her,and how I know this is remember he has two kids who I have been with a great deal in 20 years and his ex is married to my exhusband.....AS for my personallity, I am truley the nicest person you would want to meet,I have strowked his eago,self-esteem and given him more attention any man would ever want,you have heard of "lady in public wh... in the bedroom"? I really dout that if I was not doing everything I possibly be doing to make this relationship work that Every family member on his side would be to the point that they will have nothing to do with him! The mans as bi -polar as they get..I did get the husbands # and were they live.I called her husbands cell, She called back and and after an hour talk, I meet with them both, her husband was very inlighted by the lies I have been told by even his wife!!!!! Saturday guess who wanted to talk ? my SO, we are talking and being honest, he has told me this had nothing to do with me or our life together, hes the one messed up and he has agreed to go to marriage couns. In turn I have told him I understand he has to work with her and I do not expect them to be having there little relationship any longer,I will try and trust him again but its going to take time and I wont throw this in his face.
Recommended Posts