jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 My gf dumped me 2 months ago. I am still dealing with the hurt. In the past one week, 6 girls asked me out on a date and i stood up all 6 of them because I felt guilty. Finally, yesterday I went out on a date with a girl and it was a nice date with lunch and a walk in the park but I felt guilty throughout the date. I felt so guilty and bad after I came back from the date that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. Why do I feel so guilty? Is it normal? What can I do not to feel guilty?
johnnytable Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 What are you feeling guilty about? That you are going on dates without being healed?
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I'm with Johnny on this one. Why do you feel guilty? Because you stood up six girls? Maybe you stood them up as a way of punishing them for the crimes your ex committed. And if that's the case, refrain from accepting any more invitations until you get your act together.
norajane Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Do you feel guilty going out with other girls because you are hoping your ex might someday want you back, and you would feel like you cheated on her? IF that's the case, get over it. It doesn't matter what you do after you break up.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 I'm with Johnny on this one. Why do you feel guilty? Because you stood up six girls? Maybe you stood them up as a way of punishing them for the crimes your ex committed. And if that's the case, refrain from accepting any more invitations until you get your act together. No I didnt stand them up because of what my ex did to me and I am very sorry for standing them up. I feel guilty because I feel like I am cheating. Me and my ex have broken up before for 2-3 days but we always got together. What if she comes back after one more month? Does this count as cheating? I am sorry but this is my first break-up and I am not dealing with it very well.
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I feel guilty because I feel like I am cheating. Jimmy, Jimmy. You need to man up, as Gunny would say. You are broken up. You need to accept it. I think you view it as cheating because you haven't gotten over the break-up. You need to realize she may not come back. She may meet someone else she prefers. Are you going to continue to live your life for someone else forever? That's just crazy. Put yourself first. She is. Why should she have two people looking at what's best for her and you have zero? Trust me, regain your self-respect, lose the guilt, and live your life for you. You only got one go at this. Live it up!
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Thanks for the encouragment Amay. I know I am broken up and I am trying to deal with it. You are right. I dont need to worry about her because I know she doesnt worry about. I am getting busy with a major computer and networking project at church tomorrow and that should keep me busy for almost a week and should help me some. Also I am going to refrain from going on dates for a while because I dont think its fair to the girls I go out with, as I end up comparing them with my ex.
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Also I am going to refrain from going on dates for a while because I dont think its fair to the girls I go out with, as I end up comparing them with my ex. You only compare other girls to her because she is the only girl you've known. None of us are the same. Everybody is special in their own way by their very own individuality. When the time comes, please try to be open to viewing what's special and unique about each of the new girls you encounter. You may want to apologize to those six girls you've hurt. Tell them the truth. That it was unfair of you, but you aren't emotionally ready to date. You may be contributing to one of their low self-esteem, you never know, and for that you SHOULD feel guilty.
RecordProducer Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 No I didnt stand them up because of what my ex did to me and I am very sorry for standing them up. I feel guilty because I feel like I am cheating. Me and my ex have broken up before for 2-3 days but we always got together. What if she comes back after one more month? Does this count as cheating? I am sorry but this is my first break-up and I am not dealing with it very well.I guess Norajane got it right, huh? I felt like I was cheating on my husband when we were just dating and I broke up with him (cuz he got cold feet). I went back to my ex-bf (btw, this was all going on ONLINE, hahahah!) and although my hubby knew about it and the ex-BF didn't know I was in contact with hubby, I felt like I was cheating on hubby, not the (now new) BF. Why? Because I had feelings for hubby and I felt like I was betraying my feelings. My attitude is: I could cheat 1000 times on a guy I don't love. I could never cheat on someone I love. Who cares if it's officially not cheating? If you think your GF might come back to you and you want that, don't screw other women. You won't be able to live with the guilt.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 You only compare other girls to her because she is the only girl you've known. None of us are the same. Everybody is special in their own way by their very own individuality. When the time comes, please try to be open to viewing what's special and unique about each of the new girls you encounter. You may want to apologize to those six girls you've hurt. Tell them the truth. That it was unfair of you, but you aren't emotionally ready to date. You may be contributing to one of their low self-esteem, you never know, and for that you SHOULD feel guilty. You are right and I will try to see uniqueness in every person. I called and apologized to those girls but I got rapped on my knuckles. I guess I deserved that for what I did to them.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 I guess Norajane got it right, huh? I felt like I was cheating on my husband when we were just dating and I broke up with him (cuz he got cold feet). I went back to my ex-bf (btw, this was all going on ONLINE, hahahah!) and although my hubby knew about it and the ex-BF didn't know I was in contact with hubby, I felt like I was cheating on hubby, not the (now new) BF. Why? Because I had feelings for hubby and I felt like I was betraying my feelings. My attitude is: I could cheat 1000 times on a guy I don't love. I could never cheat on someone I love. Who cares if it's officially not cheating? If you think your GF might come back to you and you want that, don't screw other women. You won't be able to live with the guilt. I wont date anyone else until I am absolutely sure that my gf is not coming back. I dont have to stand by the door waiting for her. I will just live a normal life and if she comes back, I will take her back but ON MY TERMS. I am just 21 and if I waste 1-2 years not dating, then so be it.
norajane Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I wont date anyone else until I am absolutely sure that my gf is not coming back. I dont have to stand by the door waiting for her. I will just live a normal life and if she comes back, I will take her back but ON MY TERMS. I am just 21 and if I waste 1-2 years not dating, then so be it. Ack! 1 to 2 years of not dating doesn't sound like living a normal life when you have lots of girls asking you out on dates. How long did you and your ex go out?
amaysngrace Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I called and apologized to those girls but I got rapped on my knuckles. I guess I deserved that for what I did to them. Yeah but at least you don't have the additional guilt. You did the right thing. Keep us posted on how you're coming along and the progress you've made, okay? You may just inspire someone else.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 18 months and another 6 months and we would have been engaged. We wanted to get married and she expressed this to me first. It wasn't a casual dating relationship. We were very serious and very commited. We were soulmates.
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Yeah but at least you don't have the additional guilt. You did the right thing. Keep us posted on how you're coming along and the progress you've made, okay? You may just inspire someone else. Thanks for the encouragment. I will keep you guys posted.
silentcharon Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I know exactly how you feel. I get hit on by guys and I feel guilty when I flirt, even after the break up back in february. I was with my ex for nearly seven years- in my case, he didn't know what he wanted but that he didn't want to be with me RIGHT NOW. He acted as if he wanted to be with me, minus the commitment- I couldn't deal with waiting for him anymore. I wanted to be able to talk to other guys and meet new people without feeling like I was cheating on him. It wasn't that I was comparing anyone to my ex- my ex was holding me back and it drove me nuts. I've already moved on to the point where I'm not worried about my ex anymore, I feel a hundred times better now that I see things clearly. This is also my first break up, so it's been a very hard road for me as well. Take other people's word for it, don't date until you feel ready. Good luck Jim!
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 Thanks for the advise Silent. I have made up mind. I wont date anybody till I am ready and till I feel that I can give them everything I have to offer(emotionally ofcourse).
Author jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 I know Pink and its going to take me a while to get rid of the mentality that she was my soulmate.
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