lebowski24 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I was going for a run today, trying to supress my feelings as usual, when I thought I saw my ex getting off the train. I finished my run and then pondered calling her, knowing I would get voicemail if I did. I waited about a half hour and then called and left a voicemail just saying it's been a while since we talked (my month+ of NC plus the time before that where she wouldn't answer anyways) and that I wanted to see how she's been and to wish her a happy belated birthday. Very calm and non-intrusive. Now, if she doesn't call back, I won't feel any worse off then I was before. But if she does call back, I wouldn't mind hearing how things are at work, how she's dealing with the heat, etc. So I don't see it setting me back any (especially cause I have someone else coming over tonight), but might it set her back a step or two from wanting to speak with me again?
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Your interest in talking to her seems benevolent and well-placed, assuming you are honest with yourself about your feelings toward her/the relationship (I reference your comment about suppressing your feelings "as usual"). Your attempt at contact is not necessarily harmful, unless she has asked that you not call/see her or if you were the one who ended the relationship in which case it is generally harder for the one who was left to have contact. The right time to talk to an ex is completely subjective. She is an adult, and if she responds, she will be responsible for deciding whether or not that is best for her. If she doesn't respond this time, I would think continuing to contact her might be futile for the time being.
Author lebowski24 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Your interest in talking to her seems benevolent and well-placed, assuming you are honest with yourself about your feelings toward her/the relationship (I reference your comment about suppressing your feelings "as usual"). Your attempt at contact is not necessarily harmful, unless she has asked that you not call/see her or if you were the one who ended the relationship in which case it is generally harder for the one who was left to have contact. The right time to talk to an ex is completely subjective. She is an adult, and if she responds, she will be responsible for deciding whether or not that is best for her. If she doesn't respond this time, I would think continuing to contact her might be futile for the time being. I really liked this response. I do still completely have feelings for her, but I was honestly just trying to see how she was doing. I actually feel like I have peace of mind again where if she calls, great, and if not, I'll never call her again. So far, I'm completely glad that I called (and no, I didn't break up with her). She is, however, very fickle and stubborn by nature, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if she doesn't call back. I actually feel relaxed though knowing that I at least gave it an effort once I gave myself a month to calm down. I see a lot of posts on here saying to never ever break NC because it will make you look weak, make you lose your dignity, etc. But there comes a point where you have to just suck it up and be the one who reaches out the olive branch. I just feel like I'm at a point where I can do that and not beat myself in the head if she doesn't accept it. In my mind, NC should give you the time you need to get to that point. It shouldn't be used to make you appear "stronger" to the ex.
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