Haley Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Hi, I'm writing for a friend of mine. Her boyfriend of two and a half years dropped the bomb last night by telling her he doesn't "think" he loves her anymore. He then told her he's felt this way for months. Where I would say goodbye, my friend gave him three options: 1) Split up. 2) Move out seperately and try to make things work. 3) Continue living together and try to make things work. He chose option three. My friend is 24, gorgeous, smart and funny. Her boyfriend? Not so much. In a nutshell, there's no way he will ever, ever find anyone like her again. Why is he staying? She pays the rent. She also just paid off their collective debt with the entire contents of an account she started when they began dating "just in case" they ever broke up. She also just had an abortion (he doesn't want kids - and she had to stress that she didn't get pregnant on purpose to curb his angered reaction, AND had to ask him to not make plans the night of her abortion so she could cuddle with him.); and is giving up any idea of children or marriage with him if she stays. Before him, she wanted both of those things. He has consistently taken shots at her and she's consistently told him that his jokes hurt her feelings - he doesn't cease. His idea of "time together" is her watching TV and him on the computer playing WarCraft in the same room. What in the world can I tell her to get her to break up with him and move on?
silentcharon Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Hi, I'm writing for a friend of mine. Her boyfriend of two and a half years dropped the bomb last night by telling her he doesn't "think" he loves her anymore. He then told her he's felt this way for months. Where I would say goodbye, my friend gave him three options: 1) Split up. 2) Move out seperately and try to make things work. 3) Continue living together and try to make things work. He chose option three. My friend is 24, gorgeous, smart and funny. Her boyfriend? Not so much. In a nutshell, there's no way he will ever, ever find anyone like her again. Why is he staying? She pays the rent. She also just paid off their collective debt with the entire contents of an account she started when they began dating "just in case" they ever broke up. She also just had an abortion (he doesn't want kids - and she had to stress that she didn't get pregnant on purpose to curb his angered reaction, AND had to ask him to not make plans the night of her abortion so she could cuddle with him.); and is giving up any idea of children or marriage with him if she stays. Before him, she wanted both of those things. He has consistently taken shots at her and she's consistently told him that his jokes hurt her feelings - he doesn't cease. His idea of "time together" is her watching TV and him on the computer playing WarCraft in the same room. What in the world can I tell her to get her to break up with him and move on? Oh, oh, no, no, no. I was faced with the same options with my ex- actually, he was the one who wanted to break up. I told him I wanted us to live seperately and continue dating, maybe it was because of how we lived together- we took each other for granted and so on. I thought that maybe if we lived seperately, it would help, but he was insistent on breaking up. I had no choice but to go along with him and move out. It's been quite a mess ever since. I think your friend should only give him the option of 1 or 2, not 3. It won't get better if they go with number 3, unless they put in a lot of effort. They should do things together again like when they first started dating. This has got to be the biggest red flag ever when a couple lives together, they cease to do things together because they're always home. If they can't afford to go out, there are plenty of alternatives, go biking/rollerblading, rent a movie, etc, etc. Good luck to your friend, i feel for her.
tearful_soul22 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Number 1 is the obvious answer since he seems immature and a typical moocher. They don't seem compatible as well judging by the activities he wants to do instead of finding a mutual ground to do things together as a couple. She needs to take a step back and re-assess her life, her needs, and the relationship in general. She really needs to establish some boundaries with this guy and be more assertive. I hope she can find the solution to this problem as soon as possible otherwise, i don't see the relationship going anywhere with the kind of environment she's in. Good luck to her!
MrPot Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Holy ****! Maybe you need to give her an ultimatum! One of those "I can't help someone who won't help themselves" things. Stop being her friend until she decides to respect herself and do what is right. She will thank you in the end.
AriaIncognito Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Unfortunately, you can't make her choose the right option, even though the right option, is glaringly obvious to you, and the rest of us here on LS i'm sure. She'll have to learn, in time, that he's not the one. Hopefully, by the time she does, it won't be too deep for her to get out of. It sucks to watch someone you love/are close to make such huge mistakes, but unfortunately, we can't tell them how to live their lives any more than they can tell us how to live ours. Wish your friend luck from us...she's gonna need it. Jennifer
Spurned Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Maybe it's my pessimism, but when someone says something like that to a long-term partner, ... I'd probably snoop on him for your friend to find out who the other woman is.
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