justice Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Update: The ow in our lives was arrested for violating the restraining orders we filed to keep her away. I posted this in the infidelity forums so it's all there. But I do have some questions for you all. You have truly been good friends and I appreciate your input so much. You guys being the nice people you have been prolly won't even know how to answer this but here goes.... My h told the ow to stay away, he wants nothing to do with her and he does not call her, text her or contact her in any form. She didn't listen, which is why we got the restraining order/order of protection, therefore, she was arrested when she violated it. In court, she basically got what the judge called the first warning (he said in his court there is only one and then you go straight to jailtime) he gave her community service and fined her. But, knowing my husband wants to work it out with me only made it worse. She got out of jail. Now we are having problems with our vehicles getting dented and keyed and a woman is calling our workplaces and making threats. Why after all of this and what has happened to her regarding this mess and knowing he wants nothing to do with her why does she keep on doing all this stuff? I can't figure it out. I know for a fact he is not contacting her in anyway. I am reasonably sure her husband also knows of the situation by now, should I contact him directly to let him know honestly why we did what we did or would this make things alot worse than they already are? The calls that are being made to our work are always blocked or saying private caller on the caller id. We are also reporting the damage to our vehicles. I am kinda certain it's her. Also I got the heads up from someone that knows her that she has found this site, although I'm not certain if that is really so or not. Funny thing though, she goes either by greeneyedminx or another id that has greeneyes in it. I got a pretty nasty comment from someone with that moniker in here. I've not been online as much lately but I sure have missed all of the conversation here. It is good to be back. Anyway thats my questions? Just wanted some input here.
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Why is she doing this stuff? She's not well in the head, maybe this situation has pushed her over the edge, making her nuts. Emotionally charged, not getting what she wants from your husband anymore, being rejected and feeling shutout. Either way, her actions and all that she's doing and saying shows how unbalanced she is. Keep your eyes open, and keep calling the Cops if you need to. And, the best thing you can do now too is CALL this OW's husband. He deserves to know wtf his wife has been up to. She's getting bolder and more angry, so if he gets involved atleast there's a chance he'll get her help, because of her unbalanced emotional state.
Ladyjane14 Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 And, the best thing you can do now too is CALL this OW's husband. He deserves to know wtf his wife has been up to. I have to disagree this time, WWIU. I think she'd get into legal trouble at this point if she initiates ANY contact with OW, her family members, her work, etc. It would probably be viewed by the court as inciting the harrassment. I think her best bet would be to stay as far away from OW as possible. Although she might do well to consider setting up some surveillance video on her cars and property.
silktricks Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 She should NOT call or make any kind of contact whatsoever with the ow or her husband. To call her home would be violating the order, as those things are bi-directional. To call her husband would also escalate the tension, and could be construed as incitement as well. Just leave well enough alone. Hopefully she will get tired of the excitement eventually. When there is NO reaction it's a lot more boring than when you can see reaction to your probes. Question: Did your husband make it CRYSTAL clear to her that he was not interested in her at all, in any way. Sometimes (usually) people believe what they want to believe. Yet, oftentimes men when dealing with these types of situations think that by soft-pedaling the closure that they will make things less painful, easier, whatever. (I think they tell themselves they are trying to be nice to the woman, but really I think they are just not wanting to deal with a scene.) In reality, all that does is prolong the situation, giving something for a woman such as this to think she has hope for a renewed relationship.
Last Mohegan Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Sometimes people, men or women, get to the point where all their perceived injustices pile up and they snap...add that to her probably thinking "what more do I have to lose" and when fully baked she's psycho. Who knows! She may be re-playing the tape recorder in her brain of everything he ever said to her and just keeps getting more and more angry. That is bazaar behavior though... especially since she's still married! I agree, be careful. She should NOT call or make any kind of contact whatsoever with the ow or her husband. To call her home would be violating the order, as those things are bi-directional. To call her husband would also escalate the tension, and could be construed as incitement as well. Just leave well enough alone. Hopefully she will get tired of the excitement eventually. When there is NO reaction it's a lot more boring than when you can see reaction to your probes. Question: Did your husband make it CRYSTAL clear to her that he was not interested in her at all, in any way. Sometimes (usually) people believe what they want to believe. Yet, oftentimes men when dealing with these types of situations think that by soft-pedaling the closure that they will make things less painful, easier, whatever. (I think they tell themselves they are trying to be nice to the woman, but really I think they are just not wanting to deal with a scene.) In reality, all that does is prolong the situation, giving something for a woman such as this to think she has hope for a renewed relationship.
tinktronik Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Question: Did your husband make it CRYSTAL clear to her that he was not interested in her at all, in any way. How could he have NOT made it crystal clear? He and his wife got restraining orders against her.
Walking away Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 As an xOW, I cannot imagine behaving in the manner that your husband's OW is behaving, but I do know that these affairs are devastating to the OW also. I would imagine that the breakup made an obviously unstable woman completely unstable now. She needs help, but there really is nothing you can do. A restraining order was a good idea. Beyond that, pray that she gets help and fast. I am sorry that you are going through this. In time, she will tire of her antics. Unfortunately, you and your family are the ones to suffer. I am sorry for you. Hang tough. This too shall pass.
newbby Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 i think probably when the h and w make things clear as a team, when the r was between h and ow, then ow sometimes do not believe it. only believe it straight from horses mouth and without the w there too. perhaps she is frustrated and being treated as a pest is adding to her frustration. perhaps she has gotten into a spiral of self destructive behaviour. only your h's ow can really answer these questions. all anybody else can do is speculate.
RealityCheck Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 The OW definately has some serious problems. Her behavior is not typical of an OW. Most of the OW's would agree, if the MM said its over, its over! We would take our licks and walk away! As far as contacting the OW's husband. I don't believe this would be a wise decision. It would only add fuel to her already infernoed fire!
newbby Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 i agree, this is not typical behaviour. that is why it is difficult for anyone here to answer your questions. it does sound as though she needs some help. surely if she is this distraught and unable to let it go, then her h would have noticed something was wrong anyway?
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Atleast if he knew, he could get her help because she obviously needs it. Though I do wonder how he isn't aware of the restraining order. Wouldn't the police be popping by her house? Or maybe that hasn't happened yet. I agree with Newbby. Her h MUST be aware she's emotionally unstable, he must see that at home??? Unless she's putting on a good show for him and is hiding it all?
norajane Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I agree with Newbby. Her h MUST be aware she's emotionally unstable, he must see that at home??? Unless she's putting on a good show for him and is hiding it all? Or he's equally unstable or completely thrown for a loop by his wife's infidelity and increasingly psycho behavior...
Ladyjane14 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Her h MUST be aware she's emotionally unstable, he must see that at home??? Unless she's putting on a good show for him and is hiding it all? She's probably lying to him. Wouldn't be the first time either, I imagine. Usually, I'm supportive of a BS exposing to the OP's spouse, but once the courts are involved... it's too easy for the other guy's attorney to twist it around and make any kind of contact look bad.
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 The main reason why I think he needs to know is so he can atleast get her professional help.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Just so you know, it ain't me. I don't know you or your H and I've been divorced for a couple years. It would be something different if your H was contacting her, and getting her to break the restraining order, but since that's not the case, it looks like she needs serious help. And her H should be aware, because they usually serve summons by a sheriff. I don't know why she would keep on if he has made it clear to her it's over. There's really no point. And for her to go as far as she did, PROBLEMS. She should just get over it and move on.
lovernotafighter Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Just so you know, it ain't me. I don't know you or your H and I've been divorced for a couple years. It would be something different if your H was contacting her, and getting her to break the restraining order, but since that's not the case, it looks like she needs serious help. And her H should be aware, because they usually serve summons by a sheriff. I don't know why she would keep on if he has made it clear to her it's over. There's really no point. And for her to go as far as she did, PROBLEMS. She should just get over it and move on. yeah she's talking about you http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t93534/ justice I think you shouldn't worry if your H's OW is here or now..you need to just worry about you. however I will tell you most OW would act this way..I have felt a little nuts before but never at the W. I am guess he has told her he planned on leaving you and you were a monster,and he loves you but is in love with her..believe me this works. and after reading this forum this is the best used line for all MM. I'm sorry about your pain.
Sami_D Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Well I am not sure you'd get answers to why someone is breaking a restraining order on a board meant to discuss OW issues. So she was his OW..? We're not mental health experts! Try the Health section. Also, try asking your H to keep his thing in his pants and stop messing around with other women, then you wouldn't have this problem.
Author justice Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Thats what I figured too. I think she will take care of herself in due time. And I also am checking into cameras for our vehicles. I need proof of who is doing the damage.
Author justice Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Ok, so it isn't you. You can't be to careful these days and sometimes it is hard to know who you are dealing with online. I apologize for thinking that it was you, the ow in my case does always go by something with green eyes in it online so when you commented, it threw me. I'm sorry. I come here for help and advice and all of the people are usually really nice.
Author justice Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 I asked the ow here because they have insight that I might not have. He has been keeping it in his pants. And also most ow here have been really nice to me, and helpful, which I do appreciate.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 When I made my comment on the other thread, my post was to make you think, about focusing less on the OW and more about working on your M and why you're with your H in the first place. And I'm sure you've seen plenty of threads and it can get contentious.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 And don't worry about apologizing for thinking it was me. I knew right away it wasn't and I wanted to let you know. No worries!
Author justice Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 Thank you. I did make an official apology to you anyway. When I'm wrong, I admit it!! *smiles*
KLG Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 You may want to check out the stalking laws for your state. In Colorado property damage, telephone contact even if they don't reach you personally is considered stalking.
Recommended Posts