Jessica26 Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 I had been dating my boyfriend on and off for about a year. . He has a young son (5 years old) who he raises by himself. My boyfriend and the boy’s mother broke up before their son was born. The mother basically abandoned both of them to be with her new husband and she now has two other kids and doesn’t want anything to do with their son. Their son’s name is Jake. There is a girl I’ll call Ann, she is very close to my boyfriend’s son. She used to live in the same town he lives in but she moved 2 hours away. She is like an aunt to his son. She always takes him for a week in the summer and recently she took him with her on a vacation to Florida. My boyfriend has only once been to her house (with his son) and he and Ann aren’t really friends. They just talk because of his son. She is only 21 years old. My boyfriend is 28. Ann has been in Jake’s life since he was born (she used to be close friends with Jake’s mother) My boyfriend will even say that Ann and he are not really friends they just talk because of Jake and have never done anything on their own. I once suggested that they date because Ann would make a good mom to Jake. My boyfriend said that he would never date Ann because if they broke up she might not want to see Jake anymore and he didn’t want to mess that up. Also he said she is too young (8 yrs younger than him) and that she is too independent and just does whatever she wants and he doesn’t’ like that she comes and goes as she pleases and wouldn’t even tell him where she’s going. Also he says he would never move two hours away to be with her and she would never move back to where he and Jake live. So basically he says he sees her as Jake’s aunt and she is not interested in him that I know of. Plus most of the time my boyfriend has known Ann she also had a boyfriend but recently broke up with him last year nad has dated about four guys since then. My boyfriend always complains that I don’t go out enough with him or that he asks me to do things with him and I turn him down. The most recent things I didn’t do with him are go to a parade, go to a fair with him and Jake, and go fishing one day when he asked me. He is always saying I never want to do things with him when he asks. But sometimes I just turn him down because I want to see my friends or I just don’t’ enjoy the activity he invited me to. In Oct. my boyfriend and Jake went to see Ann at her new home 2 hours away. They spent the weekend with her. I was ok with this. When my boyfriend got back all he could talk about was how much he missed me. In December, my boyfriend’s work was having a Christmas party- a dinner/dance on a boat- and he invited me. I told him I would go (I went to his work party the year before). Well my boyfriend had to drop off Jake with Ann for a weekend and he told her about the party. She said she might be interested in going but he told her that he was taking me. (I have never met her but she knows about me). Well when my boyfriend came to pick Jake up two days later, Ann asked him about the Christmas party and said she wanted to go and that my boyfriend should have asked her instead because she really wanted to go (It was a fancy Christmas party with dinner and open bar) and that he should take HER because of all that she does for Jake. My boyfriend said she was really mad that he didn’t ask her to go. So my boyfriend calls me and tells me that he has decided to take Ann to the party and that I am uninvited. He said I shouldn’t’ get mad because I always turn him down for other things he asks me to do. Well I took Ann’s reaction as she was jealous of me or wanted to date my boyfriend. He thought this was ridiculous! He said he just wanted to take her to the party because she did a lot for Jake and also because they were never really friends before and he thought this was a nice way to hang out with her. He swore up and down he did NOT want to date her and that nothing would happen at the party. I was so upset. I begged, yelled and threatened him when just talking didn’t work. I told him I’d break up with him if he took Ann to the party because I was so mad that he had first asked me and then TOLD me he was taking Ann instead. It is a sore spot between us that we never go out and do anything nice because he never has much money so this party was supposed to be really nice and I was looking forward to going. He told me that if I were to break up with him over something so dumb as him taking ann to the party as friends then I must not love him. He said that he hoped I’d reconsider. (I accepted this grudgingly because I have a close male friend that I"ve been friends with for ten years and was going to his work Christmas party with him) I told my boyfreind that I thought Ann’s intentions were not honorable and that I thought she had a thing for him- otherwise why would a woman stomp her feet and demand to be taken to a guy’s party even though she KNOWS he has a girlfriend???? My boyfriend just thought I was overreacting. He told Ann what I said and she just told him I must not trust him and that I was acting ridiculously about the situation. So anyway the day of the party came and Ann STOOD MY BOYFRIEND UP!! She was supposed to meet him at his house and never called him or anything. He finally called her to see where she was and she told him that her car wouldn’t’ start (she lives two hours away but never bothered to call him to tell him this news) So she wouldn’t have even told him that if he hadn’t called her. My boyfriend then called me and told me to dress up because he was now taking me to his Christmas party because Ann had cancelled at the last minute. I laughed in his face and told him NO WAY. I am no one’s second choice and I was NOT going with him. He got mad and yelled at me and then started to actually cry and tell me that he really needed me to go because everyone he worked with would be bringing their wives/girlfriends and he would be the only one by himself. I thought it was amusing that Ann had made such a fuss about going to the party and then changed her mind at the last minute (my boyfriend thought she was lying about her car). My boyfriend begged me to go just as I had begged him not to take Ann instead of me but guess what, just as he refused to honor my wishes, I refused to go the party. So he went by himself and other than enjoying the food, he had a boring lonely time because everyone he worked with had a date. T o this day Ann doesn’t really talk to my boyfriend much except about Jake. I still think she had other motives and that my boyfriend was wrong in his actions. He still does not agree with either of these and it bothers me. Am I justified in feeling this way? Or was I irrational?
Devrapunzel Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 You are totally justified in feeling the way that you do. Good for you for refusing to go to the party! That was definitely the right decision. If you had gone, you would have sent a message that you will take his b.s. and be a doormat in the future. I am so proud of you for not going!
hchris6738k Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 good move the way you handled the situation with the christmas party. if he didn't respect you before that, he surely does now! about ann, it sounds like he is just thinking about what is good for his boy with this other girl being his aunt. but, i would just be careful, especially since you don't like to do too many things with him and his son, and she does.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 A Christmas party in July??? You are justified to feel the way you do. If he wanted to repay Ann for taking care of Jake, he could have offered to take her out another time to thank her, and should have told her he'd rather take his girlfriend to the party. I'm also glad you didn't cave in to his whining. I hope you two can just wash this under the bridge and move on, and hopefully he won't pull any stunts like that again. Stick to your guns dear!
Jessica26 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Thanks for ur replies. This happened in Dec. and I still have bad feelings about it. My boyfriend says I was rude and I am in the wrong about the situation and meanwhile I think he was the one who was an ass about it. Ann doesn't do things with my boyfriend and his son she just takes his son places. The only time the three of them have ever done anything together was when my boyfriend and Jake went to Ann's new house for the weekend. I'm not sure why 7 months later thinking about the situation makes my blood boil but it does. I guess because recently my boyfriend talked about getting engaged and I said I had to think about it because of his past actions. I just don't want to walked on by him. He seems to have no idea how to treat people sometimes. I tried to make him see my point of view but he just wants me to forget the whole situation but its like a thorn in my side. He thinks I was the one in the wrong bcause he says it was rude of me not to go after Ann stood him up. I think I did the right thing cause there was no way I was going to be somebody's 2nd choice in the matter.
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