Guess 8 Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Okay i got a legitimate problem. I've been w/ my gf for over 3 yrs. We've done everything together as far as going on trips, picnics, theatre performances. The sex is always great and we get along majority of the time, but like every couple, we have our fights and screaming matches. We were even living together for about 6 months. But we decided we both needed our space so we got separate places. She's still in college and i'm 2 yrs out of college. I'm in mid 20s (26) and she's 23. She's always bringing up marriage. Even though that topic completely FREAKS ME OUT, i play along with it. After school semester ended in May, she went to stay with her family for 8 wks 1000 miles away. She's going to school out of state. But during that time, i got a chance to see how nice it is to be single (even though we were still together). During that time, i didn't have to argue with anybody, got to come and go as i pleased, had time to myself and my own thoughts. All in all, i felt more easy-going while she was gone. But now that she's back, i kind of found that i miss that time i had to myself when she was gone. I still love her but since she's been back, it hasn't been quite as strong. I know this because before i thought i would just DIE if we ever broke up. Now my attitude towards the thought is "If we make it we make it, if we don't we don't, either way, I'll live!" While we were apart, i even went clubbing and had the pleasure of talking with some of the most gorgeous, fine women i had ever seen. Some of them were trying to get with me too. I really wanted to KNOCK THEIR BOOTS but i couldn't bring myself to cheat on my gf of 3 yrs, so it wasn't anymore than just conversation. So that leaves me confused as hell. Because part of me is afraid to just throw away a 3 year relationship and hurt her. Also i don't want to later realize i made the biggest mistake of MY LIFE and regret it or either see her with someone else. Also, i realize that sometime in my life, i am going to want a family I still love her but i'm kind of half and half. I've even been praying to god on this because i don't know who else to turn to. My heart just tells me to just play it by ear. If we're not meant to be, GOD will let it be known. Anybody ever been through this? I need help or advice. I'm so confused on what to do, its killing me. Any advice or suggestions would greatly be appreciated !!!
Tony T Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 When I was younger I used to hear people say about women, "You can't live with them...you can't live without them." I got married and found out first hand what that meant...just what you were talking about above. I was only married just over three years and haven't thought about it since...though I'd be quite open to it if she had loads of money and lived out of town...haha! I would like to observe, while I'm at it, that you are simply not ready for marriage to anybody. When you are...and when you're with the right person...you won't be going back and forth about this.
magichands Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Okay i got a legitimate problem. About time! I'm sick of all of these bastard problems. Nice to have something different. Right now, where to start? I think you have a grass is greener type issue. I would think long and hard - and then longer and harder - before giving her up, because when she is gone, she is gone. And you can't go back. Joni Mitchell rocks!
Guest8 Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 that's exactly what i'm afraid of. BTW thanks for the replies. I hope to hear more!
VonDutch Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 I am a bit funny I think :-) In my own relationship I experience things and go through things, and end up doing the total opposite than what I should or what my brain tells me to do. (Like worrying all night about him chatting up girls when he is clubbing with his friends and then giving him crap for that). But, when its time to talk/judge or give advice about OTHER people relationships, I always think I know exactly what to do or say. (this is just a frame Im giving you, of where Im coming from). It seems to me you really enjoyed your time apart away from your girlfriend, because you got to do things for yourself, BY yourself. In your relationship, are you together all the time, do everything together etc? Do you ever go out without with, just with your friends? Maybe you should just try to make more ME-TIME in your relationship. That way, you'll be able to do what you want, be on your own now and then, and still keep your girlfriend. Maybe that will make you 1)appriciate your girl more and 2) improve your relationship. Good Luck VD
Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 i know exactly how you feel and it has been a 50/50 decision for me for 3 years and still is. dont rely on god to answer this one for you, cos he never does. its part of the deal we have by wanting freedom. we have to work this one out ourselves and i believe that if you are seriously having fun with other girls and are interested in getting with them while you are single, i reckon you will always be thinking about it until you do. like someone said in one of their replies ; when you meet the right girl you will be over the single stuff and ready for marriage. if you are thinking of getting with other girls, then chances are that you are not ready for a long relationship. who ever said you had to be ? when you are ready you should do it. if you are not ready then why do it ? its not a law that you have to go out with someone for ages just cos you are 26. stuff that. i know happiliy married guys that only hooked up the marrigae thing at mid thirties and even 40's. i reckon even later is cool too if it feels right. the regret thing is temporary. i reckon that once you hit another girl (not literally) then your feelings for your current girlfriend will go away. but, i am in the same boat, so it is only an opinion. and i know how you feel. just be true to yourself by going with your feelings. if you find that you were wrong later, then how can you blame yourself ? you went with the feelings that you were born with. being human is not wrong. the reason why you are interested in getting with other hotties is because life is trying to make you find a way to find a better partner. remember that life is on your side. if it moves you away from someone, then they are not right for you in the long run. when you are with someone and other girls dont seem like a good option cos you are happy with your current girl, then stick with her. thats it. hope you find a good solution.
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