Guest Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I don't know where to start. Somone told me about this site, so here I am. But I don't even know if my problem "fits in" it is so crazy. I haven't seen anything like it here. But here it is. Any advice, help, thoughts, sympathy, whatever will be accepted. Sorry if this is long. I have been married for 2 yrs. I have been with my husband for over 8 yrs. before we got married. I just found out that he has been having an affair. But this is not a regular affair. My husband has actually been dating this woman for the last four years. She never knew about me. She didn't even realize he had gotten married. He has shared everything with this woman. Somehow I feel that I would be hurt if he had "just" slept with another woman. But this goes far beyond. He and this woman have talked about marriage, they have taken trips, he's been very good to her. I first knew about her a few months ago when I found a letter she had written to my husband. However, he said that she was just an old girlfriend who couldn't get over him. I know that was a red flag. But I ignored it. Anyway, I just find out that they have been together for the last four years. They have done basically everything we have done except get married. When I found out my husband still said that she was just a "stalker" ex-girlfriend. The other woman, my husband and I actually all sat down together and talked and my husband denied that he had even seen her in the last 4 years. However, she produced e-mails, receipts, even hand written love letters. How could this happen? I don't think the other woman will be a problem as she was furious to know he was married and basically almost scratched his eyes out in front of me. But as for me and my husband. What do I do? Why did he even marry me? He has had a double life. I don't mean he hooked up with her once or twice, they actually had a life together. She suspected nothing because he has been a "perfect boyfriend" to her. Taking her on trips, buying her things, spending quality time, etc. What do I do? I love him. But now I think I just love the man I thought he was. Above all, and this is the worst part. I really think he has deep feelings for her. It's obvious in the letters and e-mails he has given her. It's obvious in the intimate things she knows about him. I mean she doesn't just know where he works or his phone number. She knows some of the things that I thought he only shared with me. What can I do? Has anyone ever been through this? Honestly, this just seems like a bad lifetime movie to me. What should I do?
Ladyjane14 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 That's appalling. I have to tell you... if it were me, I'd cut and run. This guy is showing you a complete lack of conscious. There's no way he could have led this double life for four years and had even an inkling of guilt. Another word for people without a conscious btw.... is psychopath. I know it's real easy for people to say "move on", but DAMN! If you don't have any children together, I think your best be would be to get the quickest divorce possible and find a better life for yourself. If you just can't bear the thought of leaving though.... you're definately going to need professional marriage counseling. Sad to say... but this guy has a screw loose.
Bryanp Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Please contact an attorney and divorce this man. He apparently has no problem in destroying you. What a sick individual. Move on and get away from this man as soon as possible.
norajane Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 But now I think I just love the man I thought he was. Most definitely. Run, and do it immediately. There is nothing to save here. I'm very, very sorry about all this. You must be in terrible anguish right now. Please consider seeing a counselor on your own to help you get through the worst of it. As well as an attorney to extricate yourself from this mess.
Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 I think I am still in too much shock to do much of anything. I'm trying to figure out if everything he has told me all these years has been a lie. Why did he marry me anyway? More than anything, I'm wondering how he really feels about this other woman. Of course he still denies most things or just refuses to talk about it at all. But I read the letters and e-mails. I talked to her and she knows about his personal life. His thoughts and feelings. Can he love her too. Now I'm just sick wondering if he is thinking about her. Has he tried to contact her (she told me she would tell me if he did). I appreciate all the advice but I just feel frozen right now.
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