Guest Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I am 26 and met this cute girl about 2 months ago. I asked her out and we hit it off. We've been hanging out for the last month and a half. I've taken her out about 6 times. I've been to her house and she's been to mine. I've met her friends and And she wants me to meet her family. I really liked her at first. But I’ve discovered that she’s an alcoholic. She hides it well but she is always drinking. She will drink before she goes to work in the morning, she drinks when she gets home before we go out, she will drink while we are at dinner, she drinks when I take her home. Last night she had a total of 12 beers (that I know of) She is a very petite girl only about 110 lbs so I’m not sure how she can drink so much and not appear totally wasted. She also likes to stay out very very late even if she has to get up early for work. Don’t get me wrong I do like to drink and party but its not an everyday thing for me like it is for her. When I was at her house last night her trash can was overflowing with beer cans. I knew in the beginning that she liked to drink but she told me it was only on the weekends. I don’t think this girl is ever sober. Her friends tell me that she is just this way and that a few years ago she was very depressed and tried to kill herself. I would like to help her but its just too much for me. I’ve only known her for two months and although we’re dating we’re not officially a couple yet. I just don’t have the same feelings for her that I’ve had for other women and I just can’t deal with someone who is never sober. I’ve also found out that she gets attached to guys very quickly and she is very clingy with me already. She is constantly calling me and wanting to see me. At first I liked the attention but now it is just too much as I like to hang out with friends once in awhile and I work 6 days a week so I don’t’ have a lot of time for her. I don’t want to hurt her but I want to break up with her before this goes any further. I don’t want to set her off or upset her because she seems really into me but I need to tell her that its not working. In other relationships either I was the one who got dumped or it was a mutual thing or I just stopped calling the girl (if we’d only been on a few dates) but I just know she is very fragile and probably depressed and I don’t want to make it worse. Plus she is always intoxicated and most people’s feelings are more intense when they are drunk so I have to be careful with what I say? Any ideas? Oh and I can’t use her excessive drinking as an excuse because she doesn’t think she has a problem.
superconductor Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Of course she doesn't think she has a problem. That's classic self-delusion displayed by any addict. You're not her therapist. It's not your job to coddle her or make her life liveable. Be clear, direct and unequivocal. "I believe you are an alcoholic, and I will not be spending time with you anymore. Get some help before you kill yourself or someone else. This conversation is over. Good bye."
AwkwardMan Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Of course she doesn't think she has a problem. That's classic self-delusion displayed by any addict. You're not her therapist. It's not your job to coddle her or make her life liveable. Be clear, direct and unequivocal. "I believe you are an alcoholic, and I will not be spending time with you anymore. Get some help before you kill yourself or someone else. This conversation is over. Good bye." Don't be this mean, please. Advise her it's not going to work out blah blah. Certainly don't mention suicide to her.
superconductor Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Actually, I wasn't referring to suicide or anything of the sort; rather, I was referring to the risk of her getting behind the wheel and driving while sloshed. Point taken, though.
konfuzd Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 You could take the road most travelled, and just stop calling her/returning her calls. That seems to be the most popular way. Or, you can be a decent person, and explain to her that you don't see long term potential because of her destructive behavior and you're differing values. You can decide how much detail you want to give, but sometimes people have to lose something to realize that they need to change their behavior.
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