wddcjordan Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Im not sure where to start, this is my first time to complain about this to anyone other than my sister. So here goes. When I became pregnant with my first child (now 8) my mother in law couldnt have been happier(her first grandchild) she went to all the doctors appointments, bought tons of stuff ( I dont think I bought diapers for a year), she called and checked on me ( my husband works out of town) , she was just wonderfull. For the first 4 years of my daughters life she was there constantly visiting , doing, buying, loving, all the things good grandparents do. Then what happens my sister in law gets pregnant( she lives about 600 yards from me) , well out the window goes my little girl. Mother in law visiting sister in law where child can see her car parked and knows she is there, not bothering to visit my daughter. Mother in law buying stuff for new baby not even thinking about old grandchild. Worse yet baby is finally born and my child is kicked futher to the curb. Cut to 2 years later and I have another child a boy. Mother in law doesnt see him for months then when she does she doesnt have much to do with him. He doesnt get any attention from her. Sister in law moves down the road now mother in law has to drive past my house to visit her only grandchild,never bothering to stop and see my kids ( or her parents who live right next door for that matter). My son is now 2 and he finally knows who she is. My daughter constantly gets her feelings hurt and I dont know what to tell her. I find myself constantly telling her that her nana does love her she just doesnt know how to show it sometimes. But then I think to myself why should i be explaining this her nana should. My daughter has even ask why she doesnt come see her and I heard the woman bold face lie to her.I am at a loss here I cant confront the woman she get sensitive about these things ( because she knows she wasnt a good mother),and i dont want to cause any more problems my children dont see her enough now. MY youngest doesnt care but from my oldest thats all I hear can I go stay with nana tonight ( and if she gets to nana usually has the other grandchild too). Ive ask my husband to say something but he says it will not do any good. So if any of you have any advice please help this is driving me crazy. I cant stand to see my baby girl keep getting her feelings hurt. HELP
hbutter Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Her grandmother obvisually doesn't feel the conection that she once did with her and choses to leave her out. All you can really do is comfort your daughter and tell her that grandmother does love her. You can't tell your daughter that her grandmother doesn't feel that conection with her like she does the other child. So I would suggest changing the subject when ever it is brought up. If this has been going on for 2 years, I don't think anything will change in the near fucture. Maybe in stead of husband talking to her. You could ask her for coffee or lunch and politly work it into conversation that your daughter misses her dearly and would love to spend some one on one time with her one afternoon. I hope you the best in this, children deserve to know their grandparents.
justice Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Some mother in laws are never easy to deal with. Have you tried inviting her over and sitting her down and talking to her bluntly and honestly about how your child is feeling and what she is going through? It sounds as if this isn't an oversight on your mil's part. She needs to be aware just how much she is hurting your child regardless of how sensitive the mil is. And she needs to take responsibility for what she is doing instead of further hurting and lying to your child. Hugs.
seven Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 posted by wddcjordan: Ive ask my husband to say something but he says it will not do any good. So if any of you have any advice please help this is driving me crazy. I cant stand to see my baby girl keep getting her feelings hurt. HELP Well, I had several thoughts on this. But first wanted to ask about your/your H's relationship with sister-in-law. Does she seem to notice/care/enjoy even that her mother spends most of the time with her kids? Is she someone you are close to and trust that could perhaps help?
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Have you stopped to consider that your sister in law is that womans daughter. Mothers and daughters have a closeness that is usually very strong. While you may think that she has abandoned your children, you should invite her over yourself, or ask her to babysit or something like that (invite her over for dinner). And as far as your children seeing your MIL at your SIL's house, you should explain to them, that that is thier Nana's daughter, and there will be times that she will visit her. Seriously what do you expect, your MIL to never visit her daughter just so you/your children won't witness it? I have a sister who has children whom get visited by family members while I and my children do not. It is not personal, and I do not make a big deal about it, because I know there are times family will visit me and not them. It sounds as though your child got spoiled by your MIL and now that there is more grandchildren, you are jealous that all the attention is not on your first born. There are usually 2 or 3 sides to every story, and I just cannot fatham that your MIL does not love and care for your children just because there is another grandchild.
BamaLady Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Please, don't make a big deal about this in front of your children. It will only hurt them over time. Childrens feelings are very delicate and should be treated as so. What you do and say in front of them now will stay in their tiny minds forever. I have been in your shoes. My exMIL did the same things. She has one daughter and when she came around, things were very different......that's her daughter. It didn't mean that my MIL didn't love or care less about my children, it's just a common bond that a mother and daughter share. Try to be more understanding. And above all, reassure you children that Nana loves them as much as she loves their cousins. And she DOES!!!!
Guest Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 Dear All Concerned, The reason we are having problems with mother-In-Laws is earthly desires, we want things to be a certain way but we have created cause and effect for ourselves, Karma(thought, action ans deed) this does not mean we are bad people but we have to take the responsiblity and change something within ourselves which has caused all this suffering, in other words we are resonsible for what we think say and do, even if our mother-In-Laws are terrible to us the way to change this is to raise our live condiiton so we be in a higher state of mind (meaning we don't dislike, hate or have resentment) this effect will change how our mother-In-Laws will treat us. If you want to learn about Nichiren Shosu Buddhis-Hokkeko plus look in the internaet- the main temple is in Mount Fuji, Japan. Kind Regards
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