Sisty Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Ok...its been 2 1/2 months since my ex dumped me abruptly.....I went through the begining stages of rejection etc...had my cries, anger, etc, etc....but kept the NC gong up to about a week ago. I sent him a email on his birthday to ask him for some things back of mine etc and then decided to express my feelings about the breakup as briefly as possible. I just felt I had to, needed to and then move on. I think I am moving on but suddenly I am dreaming about him and thinking about him more... I thought I was almost over it all. Somehow every time I turn on the tv to watch a travel show etc...it shows something about places we have been....etc, etc...that type of thing.......triggers I guess you might call it.....what is up with that?????? Does this ever start to go away???? Thanks for listening....
WithOrWithoutYou Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Yes, it does start to go away. Look for it to start to fade gradually. I won't lie, it is going to hurt a lot for a while, but it will fade, and your life is not over. Everything reminding you of the ex is normal. Stupid things like road signs with their first name or surname, or even license plates from the state where your ex grew up (and perhaps where you visited with them) will even remind you. There is no escape from this - trust me. Just realize that there will come a time when you can actually smile about the whole thing, remember the good times fondly without suffering greatly for doing so, and move on with someone new. Common belief is that it will take 1/3 as long as the relationship lasted to start to get over it. Personally, I think it has a lot more to do with your state of mind, and how willing you are to get out and meet new people and try new things. Still, there is no doubt that time is a factor. There is also nothing wrong with a good rebound. Yes, these relationships rarely "work" long term, but they work wonders towards restoring you to your old self again. Develop the "heck with it" attitude for a while if you can - meet new people, and date a lot. Try to think of the ex as little as possible. It will get better, just hang in there.
loveinlife Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Yeah..l get the same feeling also, like something triggers. I guess the best thing to know is find out what trigures and try to not visit those memories. Best wishes for you. ----------------------- Life is unfair but who said is in the first place. Sam
fatty Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Hey, It is such a heart breaking process. My relationship ended 1 1/2 years ago and I am still not over it. I guess that is due to us maintaining contact. I keep feeling insecure about myselff, keep thinking she is soo gorgeous and hot and I am just nothing. It is these insecurities that are killing me. I have asked my freinds to support me but they have also let it slip out of their mouth about how great my ex looks. She is a really good looking girl. My ex has gotten asked out on dates she has turned them down, I have had no dates. I am just having major issues with myself esteem, i feel like I am the ugliest person in the world. The funny thing is, this is how I always felt when we were together. I go out alot, enjoy Toronto's night life. Anytime any song comes on in the club I can't stop thinking about her, and how we used to love the songs. Every where I go, i get haunted by her thoughts. I have alot to work on but I guess i am just asking for some support, thats why i came to LS.
superconductor Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 The only cardinal rule of breakups is to maintain NC. As soon as it was broken, you put yourself backwards emotionally, which is why this feels it's taking so long. He should get your stuff back to you - a good man will do that (he's probably hurting too, and having your stuff at his place will only be another reminder) - but if he doesn't, is there anything there of real monetary or sentimental value? Or is it just CDs & stuff like that? If so, write it off. If not, you'll have no choice but to make arrangements with him to either pick it up yourself or have a friend pick it up for you.
9Lives Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 The BEST thing to try to do is....DONT LOOK BACK Cause everytime you look back you will feel sad, blue, hurt, painful, depressed....so dont look back. Accept the good with bad and MOVE AHEAD FOR A BETTER FUTURE. I mean really.......What else can you do with your mind but to set yourself up to think more positive instead of negatively. I just broke up with a man I love dearly but it wasnt working out. It hurts like hell but I have to practice what I preach.....dont look back....not now. You will be miserable.
mariJane Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 ya dont be in contact, for sure makes things way hard. and besides if it is b/c you guys are meant to be that you cant quit thinking of him then that will make him think, dont talk to him anymore, its better no matter what. good luck , keep up
fatty Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 How do you deal with the insecurities that follow all those feelings? I am going down this hole again of me bieng worthless and her bieng this great super sexy/successfull person. Is that natural or is this a different process?
Author Sisty Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 Thanks everyone....I just have to be patient I guess and keep working towards leaving the emotional baggage behind. Hard to do but I am getting there step by step...as far as my things, I can do without but would still like them back. I gave his belongsings to a friend of ours ....who has not seen or heard from him since the split....so I guess my ex is hiding for now....I am sure he will come out of his cave in time....lol...Thanks again !!
In Sync Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 How do you deal with the insecurities that follow all those feelings? I am going down this hole again of me bieng worthless and her bieng this great super sexy/successfull person. Is that natural or is this a different process? First of all NO ONE helps themselves while trying to heal from a breakup by staying in contact with the one who dumped them. NO CONtACT is the surest way to get you through what is already a difficult situaton to begin with. Staying in contact with the one who dumped you is counter productive. You are sacrificing your self esteem and hindering any chance to grow by hanging onto this illusion of friendship. Unless it was a mutual parting of the ways then you are not and cannot be friends once they ended it. By staying in contact You Will Always feel and be reminded that you were rejected by this person. That message is reinforced every time you get messages from the ex who is moving on, you get the message reinforced when they start dating other people and share details however minor they seem. BECAUSE that person is telling you I don't think you are my 10. Their innocent and sometimes not so innocent contact is saying you don't measure up to what they wanted or were willing to commit to...SO STOP BEING FOOLISH and END THE CONTACT. It doesn't matter how you do polite final message or cold turkey but the sooner you face facts and decide you want to get over the heartache make stop the e-mails, the text messages, take no more calls dont call them. Only when you are willing to stop going to them to validate you, to stop waiting in vain in hopes that they may change their minds will you begin to see the light and wise up. If you are insecure it is because you continue to seek any cumbs of attention from a person you put on a pedastal. Stop looking up to her and appreciate you. She doesn't want to be with you. Fine. Read books on building your confidence and esteem. But like superman is powerless around kryptonite ...uh make that girl your toxic rock. Make it your mission to find a hotter girl someone who does love you back...
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