HLC4 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I'm a very confused young lady.. i'm only 18 years old but since i can remember i've been in serious relationships. Once i started high school i quickly started dating someone who was 2 years older then me..we were together a little over 4 years.. in the four years we dated we had both cheated and lied over and over again.. but the love we had for eachother wasn't like a normal "high school" relationship. Ex: i moved to Singapore my junior year of highschool and he came to live we me for awhile.. And half our relationship was LD. Our love for eachother was crazy yet we knew we were both on different levels in our lives and it just wasn't going to work out.. Shortly after we had broken up i started to casually date a friend of mine, and then it became serious. We moved in together only 5 months into dating, didn't work out so i moved out.. Ever since we had lived together things went down hill.. I started to Miss my Ex. ( by the way my ex is now MARRIED) I lied to my current boyfriend about not having feelings for him, not talking to him and so on. He ended up finding out over the internet that i was still communicating with him and still had hardcore feelings.. as u could imagine he was devistated! Now the trust has been broken and for must young relationships once that is gone its hard to repair.. Heres the deal tho.. now that i have broken his trust i have started not trusting him.. i've always had trust issues tho since my ex had broken it all the time.. Is it a guilty concious? is it a protective wall i'm building for myself so I dont get hurt like i did to him? I know im young and i shouldn't have to deal with such demanding relationship issues, yet i choose to be in them so i figure i should be mature enough to figure my feelings out and not hurt my boyfriend anymore. I'm not sure of what help im looking for, maybe just venting.. but how can i prove to my boyfriend that we can rebuild our trust together.. and to get him to understand that i'm trying to get over my ex and that because of my past trust is a very hard thing for me!? please any advice?!
Ladyjane14 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Your experience of cheating and lying in early romantic relationships isn't unusual. It wasn't too different for me when I was your age. Every boyfriend I ever had cheated and lied... and I did the same. The model set by my parents was broken, and I was finding my way as best I could. For the most part, it was the same for the boys I was involved with.... the model was broken. You're only 18. And there's no reason for you to be tied down this way if that's not what you truly want. It's okay to date and have fun. It's okay to put off getting into "serious" relationships until you know your own heart. But if your current boyfriend really is special to you, then you have to treat him that way. It's no more complicated than The Golden Rule.... Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You don't want your boyfriend making you worry about his faithfulness, so you don't put him through all that. The ex told you everything you needed to know when he married someone else. There's no "closure" he can offer that will take the place of the closure you give to yourself. It happens when you move on with your life and find contentment in your choices.
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