owcanbhppy Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 happily involved in an ema? trying to decide if this is the right forum for me. any positive experiences going on?
GreenEyedLady Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Mine is an E & PA. I am content right now. We see each other fairly often, considering we live an hour from each other. My needs are being met and we love each other madly. He tries really hard to keep me content and show me how he feels about me. He came and stayed a week with me to help take care of me as I recovered from surgery and we spent last weekend together in the mountains. Our relationship has progressed leaps and bounds since we met a year and half ago. I have read many posts telling ow to: go find a nice single guy who will treat you good. Well, I thought my man was single. And there aren't all that many nice, single guys out there; believe me I've been out there. Besides, relationships have more to them than just meeting some nice guy. It's more about finding someone that you connect with on a deeper level and your overall compatibility with your partner. (No, I'm not against single guys. I've dated several of them.) It's an unfortunate situation that my MM is not single. And, I'm satisfied with the way things are: we see each other whenever we can, we talk all the time on phone. I've met his friends and co-workers, he's met mine. He knows my weaknesses and I know his. And I love him dearly. I don't feel bad about myself or cry myself to sleep. I find myself in a situation that I never thought I'd be in. I don't look too far into the future; we make the time that we have together count today.
Sami_D Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 There are some women on gloryb.com purporting to be happily involved in an EMA.
Author owcanbhppy Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 thanks greeneyed. no crying here either (no arguing either, which is wonderful!) alot of mutual respect, and support. we had many yrs to get to know ea other, as i didnt expect to find myself in this situation either. but over time...here i am. sami, thanks for the other site. when you say purporting to be happy, i take it you dont believe them?
Sami_D Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 thanks greeneyed. no crying here either (no arguing either, which is wonderful!) alot of mutual respect, and support. we had many yrs to get to know ea other, as i didnt expect to find myself in this situation either. but over time...here i am. sami, thanks for the other site. when you say purporting to be happy, i take it you dont believe them? I have read that site and this forum for about a year now. And in neither place have I found anyone who was really, truly happy and content to be the OW, and remain the OW. Some of them, especially on gloryb., have been loud in insisting that they didn't want a man in their lives full time (for various reasons), that even if they did, the MM wouldn't be it, etc. etc. But at the end of it all, they're on a website, talking about the problems of having that relationship, about how to keep it from their mothers and friends, about what if they get found out at work, and finding ways to get through the days and dates when their man is unavailable. I'm not saying some people aren't prepared to accept that, in exchange for the time they get with their man in compensation, but I think that's not the same thing as being happy (content, fulfilled not living life as an eternal compromise). I was an OW who, like you, found plenty of mutual respect, no arguing, and just love and peace and tremendous joy with a MM. But at the end of the day... I want him to be divorced from his wife, and always did. I want a life with him, not half of one. I want a man who isn't lying to another woman in order to see me. I want a man who isn't cheating his children out of seeing him happy in a functioning relationship. I want a man who isn't compartmentalising his life and treating me like a little piece of 'heaven' on the side of his real, day-to-day existence. I know a lot of OW come on here saying how they 'don't need him to be divorced'... and that they 'understand' that he has commitments, or they're so busy they don't have time for a full-time partner, etc. They almost accuse OW who WANT their MM to get real and get a divorce of being somehow 'homewreckers' and selfish. But I see it the other way round. I don't agree with Affairs. I don't think they do anyone any good... not the OW, the MM, his W or C. They may prop up a dysfunctional marriage, they may allow a man with no guts to get all his needs met without having to make a decision about his future, and they may provide a half-relationship for OW who are somewhat commitment-phobic or otherwise wary of a full relationship with a man. But I don't see any great good in any of those things.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 Sami: I totally see what you are saying. I don't agree with A either. I have never pursued a MM. Like others on this site, it seems that there is a sign on my forehead that says: if you're married, hit on me. And while I don't agree with A, I find myself in one. By the time that I found out he was married, it was after the point of no return. Do I want him to be single? OF COURSE! But that's not the situation right now and my needs are being met for the present. Of course should that cease to be the case or I want more (which I'm sure will eventually happen) then we'll be at a crossroads. And I pretty much feel like until that happens, I want to be able to enjoy the man I love. So when someone asks is there anything positive going on, I have to say yes. I answer for today and the now. That could change, but that can be said for any R.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 at first i thought this was about enemas, but now i don't know what your'e talking about
magichands Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 at first i thought this was about enemas, but now i don't know what your'e talking about Life is all about looking after your own rear end.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 How could anybody be 100% happy in a PA or EA? You're selling yourself short, losing out BIG TIME by allowing yourself to fall for a MM - NO matter how good he makes you feel.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 No one is 100% happy all of the time anyway. I'm not here to promote an A as the ideal situation. owcanbhappy wanted to know if there was anyone who felt similar to her, and that just happens to be me. You don't have to agree with me or my situation and that's fine. You have your opinion and I have mine.
Author owcanbhppy Posted July 28, 2006 Author Posted July 28, 2006 greeneyed, thanks. people have all kinds of grievances from all kinds of relationships that dont involve infidelity. i never thought after last break-up, 'what i really need is a mm'. im really certain theres not another mm on the entire planet i would be involved with this way - just him. while the circumstances are wrong in many peoples eyes (i wouldnt understand w/out the experience), the relationship is right.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I know. It's not like you just decide that you want to start an A. Sometimes you just end up in one.
Touche Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I know. It's not like you just decide that you want to start an A. Sometimes you just end up in one. You can decide to NOT be in one.
GreenEyedLady Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 While that is true, that's not my choice now. For the reasons described above.
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 No one is 100% happy all of the time anyway. I'm not here to promote an A as the ideal situation. owcanbhappy wanted to know if there was anyone who felt similar to her, and that just happens to be me. You don't have to agree with me or my situation and that's fine. You have your opinion and I have mine. Ofcourse noone is happy 100% all of the time, life doesn't work that way. I'm just saying that a healthy, stable relationship can't really "be" when one is involved with a MM. That's what I meant by selling yourself short. Maybe it isn't felt or noticed at first, but eventually when he goes home to be with his family, celebrate holidays, his birthday, familly vacations - It's those times when you're alone, wanting to be with him but he can't, is when YOU are the one losing out. But, some OW don't mind and they like their independence. A MM fulfills enough needs so it works for her.
scarletletter Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 I was insanely happy until wednesday of this week when the wife found out and went crazy on us. I guess our relationship is still going strong, but has hit a huge bump in the road now. We are just waiting to see what happens next. Unlike many MM, he is not giving me up because she found out. He is waiting for her to file for divorce, which she has already hired a lawyer after just two days. What a mess!
Recommended Posts