Bernadette Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 About 5 years ago my husband and I had a discussion regarding the amount of time he spent looking at a particular young woman's website. The conversation ended with my understanding that it would not continue. Last night, while we were looking into vacation possibilities, he clicked on the address bar and low and behold there she was again-or still I don't know. I mentioned to him that he had been looking at this girl for alot of years to which he replied "yea, and she still hasn't taken her clothes off". I am as wounded and hurt as if he had been involved with an actual person- or -has he been? Is this cheating or am I "just being insecure"? I could not sleep last night and can't stop crying today. I am crushed.
scrybe74 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Well....I don't know the extent of your relationship and how you feel about porn etc...(I'm on the side that it's okay) BUT - what he said was pretty insensitive and mean. I wonder what's got him all cranky about? He was being a total jerk to you. That being said....I don't personally think it's cheating based on what you described. Does he have email or phone conversations with this person or is it just fantasy? I do think that you two had an understanding and that he violated it. It's possible that he didn't want to agree to it in the first place and was just trying to make you happy. Instead of being honest with you and admitting that he wants to visit the site he did it behind your back and snapped at you when got busted.
Author Bernadette Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 Thank you for responding. We have been married for 8years and together for @13 years. He said to me at the beginning of our courtship "you aren't the prettiest girl I have ever dated but you are the kindest". I have never felt pretty since. Him looking at another woman does not help. Especially when it's the same one for all these years and undercover. Whether I am pretty by any standard is not the point. If I am his woman then I would expect to be the prettiest girl in the world to him. He is the handsomest man to me. I am not adverse to pornography as a marital aid. (Use it myself). I do not know if he has conversations with this woman. How could or would I?
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 He said to me at the beginning of our courtship "you aren't the prettiest girl I have ever dated but you are the kindest". I have never felt pretty since. And you married this jerk?
Nur Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I can relate. I know what it's like not to feel like your boyfriend's "prettiest." It pretty much sucks, especially when you consider him your handsomest. I can't think of what else to do besides talk with him. Tell him how you feel about what he does, and ask him as a favor of respect not to do so anymore. Even so, I can see how having to ask would hurt. But if you find that he continues, you will know for certain that he has no respect for you at all. I would consider a divorce, even. If he says, "Of course, sweetie -- it was nothing serious, just a silly amusement" and reassures you that it means nothing next to what he has with you and drops the habit right away, maybe you can hold on to him.
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