lilbabe Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Here is my story in a nutshell...I hope I have a new boyfriend. He is an amazing guy and I adore him. In my past relationship I have had issues with forming a very early attachment. Since my last breakup in November, this is something I promised myself for the sake of my heart that I would work on. In this relationship, it has been working for me. We live about 40 miles away from each other and both have very busy schedules. We spend every weekend together & have a fabulous time. We talk, laugh, and cuddle. All very important to a new relationship. I am sure you are asking "then what is the problem"? The problem is that he moved here not too long ago & made a dramatic career change. He works around 65 hours a week & does manage to call me every free minute he gets, just to tell me he misses me and is thinking about me. Again, what is the problem? The problem is that more than a few times that we have been on the phone or even together, he is with me, but is not really with me. His mind is in a million other places. What I am asking is, should I chalk this up to the fact that he is just getting used to a new environment, new career and a new relationship all at the same time? Or should I cut my losses and try to find someone that can pay more attention to me? I am a firm believer that new relationships require a lot of attention and am just not sure what to do here.
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Did you ever read the book "He's just not that into you?" The book is a bit of a joke, but the point is clearly beaten into the reader- if he's not interested he won't call, he won't write, he won't try. You, my dear, have a case of a man who wants to be with you but can't because he's trying to make a living. At least he's calling, at least he cares and he's trying to be as close to you as he can. Most men wouldn't bother going that far... they'd give you the "i'm just really busy now" lines. SO, if you are not secure enough with yourself to be alone and know that your boyfriend is thinking of you and (trust me) wishing he were with you instead of at work, then you should end it and find someone who's willing to smother you. It's your call, but most women don't get the chance to make this decision, and I think you'd be kicking the poor guy while he's down if you broke things off because he's not paying enough attention to you. Think of it as a purchase, if you're already not happy with the fit, perhaps you need to return the goods.
norajane Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Have you ever worked 65 hours a week at a stressful new career? It's not easy, it's exhausting, it causes a lot of anxiety, and it takes a LOT of energy to work that hard. I think he's doing the best he can for you under the circumstances. During these conversations when he's not 'with you' what are you talking about? Are you laying your problems on him or are you asking about how he's doing and truly listening to the answers? Are you focusing only on the attention you aren't getting from him, or are you thinking of ways you can help make things easier on him, maybe by offering to pick up his dry cleaning or groceries once in a while? If you're spending every weekend together despite his new work schedule, then you're already getting pretty much all his free time. If that's not enough, then yes, find someone else who can be there for you as much you as want.
Author lilbabe Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 I am very reserved and never lay my problems on other people. I wear my heart on my shoulder and am very attentive to the things that others need or want. Maybe that is part of my problem. I am not opening up and telling him what I need. Thats the advice that I am constantly giving to people is that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. I should take my own advice.
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