StayClose Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 We've seen a lot of threads here about unhappiness with an overweight spouse. Now I'd like to hear from married or committed people where one or both of you are overweight and are OK with it. Let's avoid fat-bashing and health lectures here. I want to hear from you if one of you is overwieght and it doesn't cause problems in the releationship. Are you both overweight, or is one of you thin? Was one of you overweight when you started dating? Are there sex issues related to weight or poor self image? How do you deal with other peoples' judgements about being overweight?
stacym75 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Are u just wanting opinions or are u in a situation that bothers you ?Well i was a size 7 when we met and then we married and i have had 4 children and i am a size 12 now.I myself don't like my size and yes my husband gained some weight with every child i had but ,because i am in love with him, weight is not a factor in anything we do .I love him more than life .And i don't look at weight and neither does he.
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Are you both overweight, or is one of you thin? Was one of you overweight when you started dating? I'm overweight, have always been overweight in my lifetime, though never as much as now. Husband puts weight on during the winter (hibernation pounds, we call it, lol), but sheds it during the summer, it's the same 10 pounds he's gained the past 15 years or so. Are there sex issues related to weight or poor self image? one would figure, but in reality, our sex issues stem from the fact that there's a large age difference between the two of us and that his sex drive is waning, coupled with the fact that he's got a screwed up back. I honestly don't think the weight thing bothers him as much as I expect it to, but then again, his last two long-term relationships were also with heavy women. I keep my weight problem in perspective – I'm not going to flog myself just because I'm heavy, though I will nag at myself to be better about keeping myself in line when it comes to exercise and eating. How do you deal with other peoples' judgements about being overweight? Screw them. Why should I care what other people think? They are not my parents, they are not my spouse – those are the only input I'll listen to, and that's because I know they love me. My doctor's input also gets serious consideration, and that's because he knows me. I know the health concerns I face. But like I said before, I'm not going flog myself over some stranger's perception of what attractiveness or beauty is. Not unless they plan to support me financially, mentally and physically … am not sure why you've started this post, but I'm thinking it may have to do with perception of overweight people in a world that tells us you've got to be rail-thin with big boobs and no body hair to be considered "attractive." Hate to say it, but those folks don't exist, nor should they because as much a problem as overweightedness can be, anorexia is much much worse because it's being embraced, instead of repelled.
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 i am a size 12 now. interestingly enough, you are size of the average American woman – honey, you prolly got a nice, healthy look about you because you're not all bones or all pudge!
superconductor Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Coming from someone who's now divorced from an overweight spouse: Are you both overweight, or is one of you thin? Was one of you overweight when you started dating? I was, and still am, in pretty good shape. She was thin when we married. Within less than two years, she ballooned. No kids. Are there sex issues related to weight or poor self image? Absolutely. The more weight she put on, the less attracted I was to her. Seeing her walk across the room in the buff reminded me of two elephant seals battling on a beach. How do you deal with other peoples' judgements about being overweight? Wasn't an issue with me, but she'd go into a three-day funk if someone pointed out the fact that she had gained so much weight. But why she never did anything about it, other than feel sorry for herself, remains a mystery.
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Seeing her walk across the room in the buff reminded me of two elephant seals battling on a beach. my sister calls it "two pigs wrestling in a feedsack" ... :bunny: somehow, I think visual attraction is more important to males than females, which is why you see average-looking dudes with bombshell women, or old farts with young trophy wives.
a4a Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 somehow, I think visual attraction is more important to males than females, which is why you see average-looking dudes with bombshell women, or old farts with young trophy wives. I am betting that the wallet of the older or less attractive man is a hot chicky magnet!
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 OMG! I was thinking about typing "Donald Trump" in the above post, but I figured someone would read between the lines :laugh: money's nice, but not when the guy is as creepy as trump ... can you imagine doing him? :sick:
hotgurl Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 well I am not married but in a ltr. This is from my perspective. I was thiner when we started dating due to eating out and being put on steriods I have gained weight. I am bothered by it. He doesn't seem to be but is worried for my health. So far I have lost 15 lbs. I think it helps him to see I am trying to be healthier and lose the weigth instead of just sitting around being I fat deal with it. If effects sex because I get self concious. So I feel ugly when naked. other people say I am not as heavy as I think I am but.No one has called me a fat cow or anything
a4a Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 OMG! I was thinking about typing "Donald Trump" in the above post, but I figured someone would read between the lines :laugh: money's nice, but not when the guy is as creepy as trump ... can you imagine doing him? :sick: Yeah I could imagine it......I would just stare at the MONGO Diamond ring on my finger while he had his way with me........then head of to the spa to get the dirty off me and fly to a tropical island and do a hot pool boy.
worriedsick Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 somehow, I think visual attraction is more important to males than females, which is why you see average-looking dudes with bombshell women, or old farts with young trophy wives. I disagree - I think many women are concerned with appearances but rather than come across as shallow, they claim the opposite. I am a woman and am married to someone who became overweight after we were married. He simply refuses to do anything about it, and assumes that I'll just have to deal with his fat. It causes major issues in our sex life because I am no longer attracted to him physicially, and since I am a visual person, it's hard for me to "fake" attraction to him in order to have sex. Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to overweight people. Had he been overweight when we met, we would have never even started dating. He just waited until I was "stuck" and then got fat. It's not fair to do that to your significant other.
HeyYouGuys Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I was in a LTR relationship with a man who gained quite a lot of weight during our time together. Yes, I did feel shallow admitting that I was less attracted to him. But his big sagging belly didn't look very nice. Nor did his bloated face. Here's the thing; I think that if there were a solid reason for him to have gained weight (i.e. Prednisone, an injury preventing him from excercising) I would have been more forgiving. There are things that are hard to help and circumstances that are hard to control. Just as when a woman's body changes shape after giving birth; her new belly shape is testament to the fact that she produced a new human being. In the case of this former BF, however, the big sagging belly just had to do with laziness. He stopped working out the minute I moved in with him and started drinking beer and wine every night. His belly grew and grew and it grossed me out. It was like I felt as if he just didn't care anymore, now that he had me he didn't have to work at looking attractive. And it also made me think of laziness. I don't like laziness and that big belly just reminded me, "He's lazy" all the time So I completley lost any attraction I had for him.
stillafool Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I am betting that the wallet of the older or less attractive man is a hot chicky magnet! :lmao: Isn't this the truth. You know what May sees in December don't you - Christmas! :lmao:
Craig Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I fell in love with a woman with a BMI of 42.5. I think that is clinically morbidly obese. She had another hidden physical abnormality that I won't get into here but I'm sure it would have been a deal breaker for many guys. I didn't see anything except a woman that I loved dearly and wanted to spend the rest of my life with so a couple of years after we met, we married. Unfortunately that was the beginning of my personal hell surviving the violence that she dealt out. I wish I could say that everything went well but it didn't. It didn't have anything to do with the way she looked either. Not one time, ever, have I suggested, hinted, talked around, talked about, openly requested, demanded or in any other way asked her to change her appearance. I fell in love with her, not her body or her face. And you know what? Her appearance never was a challenge for me, never a concern, never a second thought. To me, before the violence began, she was the most beautiful woman in the world and it all had to do with the person I thought she was. I was wrong, it was an act, I was fooled. I feel so stupid sometimes.
amaysngrace Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 She had another hidden physical abnormality that I won't get into here but I'm sure it would have been a deal breaker for many guys. Aw, come on Craig. Tell us about her male part.
ladyinwaiting Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Are you both overweight, or is one of you thin? Was one of you overweight when you started dating? I'm average weight, tending toward athletic because I do a lot of martial arts. My partner was overweight when I met him, and has since headed into slightly-more-than-overweight territory. His weight has never bothered me - in fact, it was what first drew my attention. I was in the dojo and this big bloke with a bear belly did a friggin' flip! Later, when he helped me move house, he simply picked up my fridge. Oh, baby ... ahem. Anyway. Are there sex issues related to weight or poor self image? Yes and no. I do not find my partner any less attractive with the extra weight. For me, sex is an emotional connection, so what he looks like isn't really the issue. When he's at his heaviest, though, I can't deny that his performance suffers. He tends to be heavier, to tire more easily, and to tire me out in the wrong ways. He's aware of this, though, and tries to compensate in other ways... I'm also aware that when I put on a little weight, his interest in me drops a corresponding little bit. His love for me doesn't diminish, but he's a man, he's a visual creature, and he'll readily admit he prefers me slim. Yeah, the hypocrisy bugs me occasionally, but what can you do? How do you deal with other peoples' judgements about being overweight? You could just as easily ask: How do I deal with other people's judgements about me earning more? Or about him driving a pickup when we live in a suburb of convertible coupes? Or about his family's judgements about me because I don't like beer or football? Frankly, I don't deal so much as ignore. I'm happy, and they should be happy for me or get out of my life ... Well, okay not really. Mainly, I just try not to let it affect me. That's probably mcuh easier for me, a usually average-weight person, to do than it is an overeight person, though...
lindya Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 To me, before the violence began, she was the most beautiful woman in the world and it all had to do with the person I thought she was. I was wrong, it was an act, I was fooled. I feel so stupid sometimes. I bet you'd never tell anyone else that they were stupid for simply accepting another person as being the person they say they are. What's the alternative? A lifetime of suspicion and cynicism? I'm sorry it all turned out so badly. My guess is that in many ways she probably was that person you fell in love with, but didn't have the emotional strength and intelligence to overcome all those issues that she ended up taking out on you.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 :lmao:Aw, come on Craig. Tell us about her male part.
Outcast Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 but not when the guy is as creepy as trump ... can you imagine doing him? No amount of money. Ever. EEEWWWWW. Besides, he's so madly in love with himself I doubt he actually has sex. He probably just masturbates while watching himself in the mirror. I was wrong, it was an act, I was fooled. I feel so stupid sometimes. Yeah, because you should have been born knowing that abusers are actually good people with very bad sides. We landed in situations like these because we didn't know what we were getting into. We made the mistake of thinking we were dealing with normal or maybe slightly troubled people, not realizing that abusers are Jekyll and Hyde and that we don't meet Hyde until we've fallen for Jekyll. This is how wisdom comes about - it's the lessons you learn about stuff you didn't used to know Unfortunately, sometimes the lessons come the hard way. As for obesity, I remember watching a film once (and, yes, I know, it was only a movie) about a guy whose name now escapes me but he was a famous guy who got murdered and whose murder has never been solved. He was a very large man and had a very devoted wife. I wondered how a person could deal with such a big guy but his character (as depicted in the film at least) was so wonderful that I could see how you'd fall for someone like that no matter how he looked. I do know that the real guy did have a reputation of being a wonderful person so I don't think it was romanticized too much for the movie. Of course, it would still be scary to see someone persist in a lifestyle that was unhealthy, but I did have one bf who gained a bunch of weight and because I did the shopping and cooking, and because he was willling to acknowledge that he wasn't doing himself any favours, he ate what I bought and made and started exercising (just walking) and lost thirty pounds. I keep a healthy kitchen now and still wear size 10 which I've worn since university.
Craig Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 I bet you'd never tell anyone else that they were stupid for simply accepting another person as being the person they say they are. What's the alternative? A lifetime of suspicion and cynicism? I'm sorry it all turned out so badly. My guess is that in many ways she probably was that person you fell in love with, but didn't have the emotional strength and intelligence to overcome all those issues that she ended up taking out on you. Lindya, you're right of course, sometimes I forget that I didn't know then what I know now about abusive personalities. Fortunately, I was born optimistic so these moments of pessimism are just that, moments. Thank you for your kind words and welcome back to the shack. This is how wisdom comes about - it's the lessons you learn about stuff you didn't used to know Unfortunately, sometimes the lessons come the hard way.Good judgment comes from experience--experience comes from bad judgment, that sort of thing, eh? Thanks go to you too for words well spoken. I keep a healthy kitchen now and still wear size 10 which I've worn since university.Heh, I actually weigh slightly less now than I did when I graduated from high school and slightly more than when I was in college.
hotgurl Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Here's the thing; I think that if there were a solid reason for him to have gained weight (i.e. Prednisone, an injury preventing him from excercising) . I went on Prednisone for 6 months and gained 30 pounds. The docotors never told me that could happen. I thought I was pregnant the weight went on so fast. Also there is the health concern. My step father is very overweigthh e has gained since he got married to my mom. He is now pre-diabetic due to his weight gain. He is not doing anything to lose weight yet.
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