Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I am a married woman and I am attracted to this guy at work. My husband is very nice and loves me a lot but I am not physically attracted to him. My problem is I have a high sex drive and I want it everyday. He says he is tired and I am fine with that. I totally understand. But my issue is everytime we are making love I picture this other guy making love to me. I see him kissing me and my imaginations goes wild and I get more hiper. I feel sick when we are done for not being fair to my husband. I am attractive and I easily attract men , but I am not those cheating type and I have never cheated. I love my husband and I just wished I found him more attractive. I have cried a couple of times after we have made love, but my husband is not aware of this. Other woman find my husband attractive , some of my friends have told me that I am lucky too. I do not see any physical attraction about him, except that he is great father, kind hearted and loves me a lot. I come from a different ethic background and my marriage was arranged. I liked him when we got married even though there was no love in the beginning. We have been married for the past 10 years. Our love has grown slowly. But from day one the passion and attraction was missing. The basic thought of this other guy at work makes me want more sex and it is driving me nuts. I do not love him , i know it is just attraction but it is really getting into me and I cannot stop myself thinking about this guy. I do not know if other woman have fantasies about other men , am I the only wierd woman in this world . I know for sure that just because I have fantasies I will not act on it. But it feels great when I imagine this guy making love to me. Please advise because I am lost????
Brittanyjean06 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 No your not at all crazy. Just don't take this temptation to another deadly level. It would be crazy to list of all the men I have at one point in time fantasized about. But Its human nature to think of other people. Being in love or not being in love. Just don't compare lust and love. Remember what love truely is, and leave it at that. You were in love with your husband but after some years the passion died out ? I'm sure there are ways you can rekindle that passion.
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 I love my husband and I just wished I found him more attractive. I have cried a couple of times after we have made love, but my husband is not aware of this. What is it that doesn't turn you on about your husband? Has the passion just faded over time? Same old, same old? Or are there things in your relationship, needs not being met, that are affecting how you feel? Maybe your husband should be made aware of this. If you don't talk to him, it can't be fixed.
Guest Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Well it looks like you have several issues going on here. Although your marriage was arranged, even married people who choose their own mates go through the same thing. Its normal. However, a happy marriage is not based solely on attraction to your mate if that was the case then more people would stay married. Its based on other things such as self-sacrificing love on the part of both people, committment, loyalty, deep respect etc. If he really is a good father and a good man and you really love him and feel any since of committment to the marriage. Is the lack of attraction really worth letting this go for? Secondly communication is the key in solving any issues that come up in a marriage. You should be communicating clearly your concerns with your husband about sexual matters (I would leave out the part about the other man though..lol) as that shows that you respect him as your husband. Its also about compromise and understanding. You two should be able to come to some sort of agreement on how often you will have sexual relations as husband and wife with the emphasis on a solution that will work for the benefit of the both of you. Lastly, The biggest mistake that you can make at this point is to focus on another man and lean towards a relationship outside of your marriage and not work on solving the issues that are going on within the marriage. That can only lead to disaster. If you want proof of that just read some of the other posts on this Message board about the hell that people are experiencing, whose lives have been ruined because of them or their spouses having affairs outside of the marriage. There is nothing wrong with looking however, if you respect your husband and the marriage arrangement you will forget about this other man and work on improving your marriage with your husband and growing your love for your husband who sounds like a decent, respectable and honorable man. Good Luck!
Dangerously Close Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 BrittneyJean and WWIU, I think you both missed this part: I come from a different ethic background and my marriage was arranged. I liked him when we got married even though there was no love in the beginning. We have been married for the past 10 years. Our love has grown slowly. But from day one the passion and attraction was missing. I honestly can't fathom being in an arranged marriage. I am a weak person that craves that passion, so I can understand what you want and miss. I can't give you advice oh how you should react because I feel like my culture experience and yours are so far off that it might not be the best. All I can say is that No, you are not alone. While different people react differently to these feelings, almost all marriages have some times where there is no passion, and people fantasize about others. I am so sorry that you've never been able to experience that passion outright. You have my sympathy. You are definitely not crazy though.
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