anto0o Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 **EDIT** WOW I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS THIS LONG SORRY! First I would like to introduce myself, My name is Antonio and i'm a 21 year old male, I learned about this site going through my emotional slump and with the help of yahoo My problem is me and my girlf friend have been going steady for 5 years. During those 5 years we have had break ups, but usually i'm the one that wants to break up. After a week or so we get back together and were all happy again. During those 5 years i have been a dick to her, an *******, a complete jerk. I know what i did to her during the 5 years was wrong but its just a anger problem that i am dealing with(gets to deep to type lol). Recently about 2 weeks ago she wanted to go out with her friends to some "haunted highway" , me knowing i had work that night said told her no, she can't go. i told her no because i'm a jealous person, i know how girls get when they get scared, they grab the closest person to them, i was afraid she would find herself in the arms of another man. i also told her that if she goes, forget about calling me anymore. all in all she went and the next day she calls me, and i wouldn't pick up the phone. after 3 days i felt the hurt. i called her back. she wouldn't wanna speak to me and was at out friends house which happen to be 2 guys(i know and trust them.)they won't let me talk to her because she is crying and doesn't wanna speak to me, i beg to speak to her, i speak to her and she agrees to meet up with me. i tell her how hard it was for me those 3 days and she tells me she wants a break, and that i shouldn't talk/call/see her till shes ready. of course i was heart broken..i asked for my stuff back and she agreed and handed them to me. within the next week i call her and she agrees to come over so we can talk about things. she comes to my house witha list of **** i was doing wrong. i didn't know what to tell her except shes right, and i faced the grim reality that she will be gone.i begged for her forgiveness and told her i would change. it was no use. when i returned home i did nothing but review my life and our relationship, i felt as if what she had done to me was a wake up call from hell, i felt as if my life did a complete 180 spin. the next few days we talked on and off, all our friends told me she didn't wanna see me no more that i should move on this and htat and i was devistated, i lost 5 pounds during those days. one afternoon i'm with our friends and he asks me he should call her i said sure give it a shot, he asked if she wanted to speak to me and she agreed. the second i heard her voice i started crying. i told her my emotions and what i've been going through and her voice was so gentle i couldn't help but cry, she then agreedt o meet up with me. when she arrived, i literally begged for her love and vowed to change. she insisted that i move on and find other people and that i would be strong without her. the world then started spinning. i felt my life ending. after gettin that abuse i walked away knowing that was the last time iw oudl see her, she didn't even wanna come to my birthday. later on that night, she calls me and says she wants to come to my birthday party, i tell her i don't want her there if her friends told her to come, she then gets angry and says no one told her to come(which i found out last night that wasn't true). a few hours later she IM's me and tells me she loves me dearly and just wants space, i agree to give her space but i asked her not to see any guys. she agrees. i'm happy. my birthday party was in 2 days, and for those 2 days i couldn't bair to keep away from her, i would IM her with bull**** excuses call her for no reason, and one night i called her asking a stupid question jsut so we can bull****, she doesn't pick up, she calls me back but i wasn't around to pick up, i call her back and she picks up the phone as if she was cryig, i ask her what was wrong and she says this whole situation is tearing me apart, that she really loves me and just doesn't wanna rush into the relationship and me breaking her heart again, she's simply scared that my vow to change wasn't sincere, thats understandable and i asked her if she could call me back in 30 min cause i was really busy at work, she agreed, 40 min later i call her and she says call me at 9 i have no minutes, i agree, around 910 i see her online and ask her to call me. she says no she wants to speak online and that she wants sapce and doens't wanna talk to me. she basically changed attitudes on me. again i feel sad. on the night of my birthday party we met up at our friends house(my other group of friends told her to go into this party sober so that she knows what she says because she had told them she wanted to get back with me)her and her girlfriend were upstairs laughing at everything and iw as downstairs gettin sad/anger at every laughter i heard. i then told my friend that i didn't want her there and said theres no point. we all then leave(including my grl/ex whatever) and all 4 guys are getting into a car and she goes up to one of the guy friends and says come with me, i get mad. getting to the place i see "her" driving faster than usual taking more risk than usual and say dam, shes doing that to piss me off. we get to the place and we park next to her...and i see the GUY driving her car. i am furious at this point. i wanted to attack, i was thinking about was attacking, my other friend knew it, he pulled me to the side and told me in italian to not hit anyone and find out everything first. i agreed, but i also heard the 2 other guys whispering "tell him tell him" and i of course thought they were saying tell him that i'm seeing his grl. i take my grl to the side and ask her whats going on. she said nothign. and i see shes not standing straight and tells me shes drunk. im then reliefd but a lil anger that she would get drunk. i give her a kiss on the cheek, then take a chance on her lips, we give each other peck kiss's on the lips and she holds my hand, i tell her i love you and i want this to wokr and she said i love you too..but nothign else happens we walk away. we get inside the place and decide to go on the go karts, she and her girlfriend had little money so i said don't worry i'll pay for you guys. thats when i see her talking to her girlfriend, then her girlfriend comes to me and says i need to speak with you. i agree and we meet up at the bathrooms away from everyone. she tells me that my grl still loves me and that she want sto give me another chance that shes just scared, i tell her friend how i'm feeling and tell her to forget about this whole thing and to just have fun tonight. about a half hour later my grls girlfriend tells me she wants to speak to you at the bathrooms, i'm a lil excited and head over there. thats were she tells me she loves me and is going to give me antoehr chance and i tell her no, this isn't right ur drunk i know ur gonna wake up tomorrow and not be happy with it. she insited that she ws fine and knew what she was saying, i then gave her a run down of how i felt(at this point i lost 10 pounds). we agreed to work everything out. the night suddenly lifted, i bought us a shot of tequlia to honor the chagne and the start of something new and stronger. we go to antoher bar and shes telling me stil she loves me and wants to be with me forver and sees herself with no one else. i fall inlove allll over again, i go home with a smile and give a lil prayer thanking god for his gift. the next day she calls me like she used to we bull****a nd plan that night, we go out to eat and watch a movie(don't go see lady in the water. horrrrrrrrrrrible move lol) we go home happy nothing wrong, the enxt day i call her and she says, i don't feel right and that she wants to leave me again, i tell her that its cause we havn't seen each other for a long itme nad we should take ita day at a time. she agreed and then insisted that i cheated on her 3 years ago, which i no way in hell did. i know i was ****ed up to her by talking to 2 girls but nothing ever happened between us, i had no feelings no touch to nothing towards the girls. and tahts where we stand now, on another break. my boss then calls her(i didn't know he did) and talks to her, and then comes to me. he says he talked to her and that i deserve everything shes putting me through. i agree that i deserve it but i dont' deserve to have my feelings toyed with on my birthday.he then scolds me on how i should treat women adn that my grl is a very special grl, and then tells me somethign iw ill never forget. he tells me you guys have been going out for roughly 1700 days, now outa those 1700 days how many times did you hang up on her and shut her out..i said i dunno, and he wouldn't get off the subject, so i just said i dunno 150 days? he said dam..so shew ent through what ur feeling for 150 days, and ur bitching that shes shutting you down now for a week or so? i said dam...your right...after he finishs' talking to me he says honestly, she sounds deeply in love with you but just needs her space. i call up m grl and explain to her that i am willing to give her her space but to promise me she won't see any other guys or drink without me. she agree's. i also told her that i will in no way shape for form see another grl. i know most people would say why not let her drink. i don't want her to drink because she gets crazy when she drinks, and guys WILL take advantage of that and try to get a cheap feel and a kiss or whatever. to be perfectly honest, its hard for me to find another grl because i will only chase after the pure girls(virgins), so if she gets with someone else it will break my heart to know that i won't see her again. i don't know what to do, i am being strong about this break, i do go out, but i still think about her, my night doesn't get ruined by it, but shes still there. i know that she thinks about me(at least i hope she does)but i don't think she realizes that most of the guys that hang out with her don't seem to care about her feelings and are tryin to make her happy the wrong way her being drunk will not fix anything in her life and will only cause more drama. i don't mind her drinkign when i'm around becaus ei'm there to protect her. i just want her to know that she could have all the fun in the world, but when the dust settles, no one will care for her as much and as pure as i do. i don't know what to think of this break...is it good for us? she did IM me this morning and we did talk about stupid **** and she wanted to borrow my ipod, she was telling me she couldn't sleep but wouldn't give me a reason.me being me ofcourse think that theres another guy on her mind, which i know and hope there isn't but i can't get it out my mind. after saying good bye to her i told her i love you, and she sayd it back which put a smile on my face. i then foudn this site and was reading around and decided to post my feelings, what do you people think i should do? or what would the outcome be? i'm sad, but independant, I'M A GUY! I DON'T KNOW THE MEENING OF A BREAK LOL!
MacGyver Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Long it is but that doesnt matter. In reading that all i see is a person that took his g/f for granted. For what ever reason i dont know, you say its your anger issue. What you boss said to you sound very true, and come to think of it 150 days isnt exactly a week! Thats a LOOOOONG time. She really loves you that i can see, but right now your walking in VERY thin ice! Give her her space. I dont think NC would be good here, but that doesnt mean talking to her every 2nd day. Maybe an sms once every 2 weeks or something, i dunno. 2nd, you need to stop being so controlling! If she wants to go out with friends, let her. If she wants to drink and get drunk, let her! Women want to feel and be indepedant, and having someone like you around not letting her be that is not good! This brings me to my main point which i saw. You dont trust her! After 5 years with her, you still dont have the trust in her to know!!! that she wouldnt do anything behind your back, and thats a HUGE DEAL BREAKER!!! Either way, it looks like your going to have to give her some space and time, and meanwhile, sort your life out!
Author anto0o Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 just a little update she called me the other day to say whats up but icould tell in her voice there was something bothering her so after talking for a bit she says shes gonna give me an answer sunday and i ask can i get a sneak peak she says yea, it looks good so in soooooooo happy. later on that night she calls me again says i love you! inside in going crazy iwanna hug her i wanna kiss her i wanna cry it never felt so good to hear those words i def needed to hear that. later on i ask her why because i dont want a repeat of last time. she said no reason and we got into a cute arguement nothing serious i was smiling as she was saying why. next day she flips again and thats where we are now im crushed. all that was from her getting in contact with me. im changing myself. i am leaving my job because this is the reason for all this. in not leaving to get her back but because if ileave i could concentrate on school and get my future straight i fooled around for to long. btw in on my cell so some word might not be right lol im not checking i just spill my heart out to fully understand awoman
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