stevensgirl Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Hi, I posted earlier (Can this work?), and appreciate the advice I was given. While I was out shopping Saturday morning, Steven was poking around the computer and found an e-mail from Loveshack.org, and boy was he mad!! While searching for this particular kind of website I also registered on a couple of others, one of which happened to be a dating service, which I hadn't realized at the time and he also found an e-mail from them (that made him even madder!!). After his ex-wife cheated on him for so many years, he was really upset to think I was looking for someone else, too. He was hurt and angry but I think it was the best thing that could have happened. Even though it made him think I might be looking for someone else, we at the very least got a chance to really sit down and talk. I read him my original post and he pointed out to me that I did leave off a few key points which would alter some opinions. If you read that post , I did neglect to say that I did tell Steven that "if he slept with his ex-wife not to come back to me that day or even the next", I guess it was a miscommunication on both our parts. I MEAN'T don't expect sex from me anymore and he literally thought I meant not that day or the next. Also, I did tell him that if he did sleep with her again, "I didn't want to know", I MEAN'T just don't sleep with me again, he thought I mean't dont tell me but also don't have sex with me again for a couple of days. The problem isn't the money, it is only money. It is ultimately my decision whether or not to spend it, I can even just make motgage and credit card payments instead of paying off all the debt at once. Funny thing is, I didn't even know that me and my ex-husband had that much money until after he filed for divorce, he had lied about how much money he was making and investing the bulk of his paycheck and I just wasn't paying any attention. I know I must sound like a damned fool but I love this man and his children and I can't imagine living without them. I guess I'm really just thinking out loud here. I so desperately want someone to say, "Hey, I was in a similar situation and it all worked out fine". I've just never known anyone to be in a situation quite like mine so I don't have anyone to turn to. I don't have any friends, I don't work because it is really more convenient if I am here to take care of all these kids and get them to the places they need to be such as band camp and practice, plus I don't really need to work. As far as the ex-wife, she wanted a divorce, he didn't and I didn't even know him when they got divorced. They had been divorced for almost 2 years when I met him. He tried everything he could to keep their marraige together, including letting her have affairs as long as she was honest about it. He was with her for nearly 20 years and he loved her, unconditionally. I know he still loves her, but he is with me. When I found out my ex-husband was gay I was ready to get out of that loveless, sexless marraige anyway. I wasn't devestated because it was such a bad marraige so I can't really relate to what Steven went through. Steven said that most of my post was honest and accurate, with the acception of the 2 things I left out, still he says it is too difficult to judge a situation unless you know the whole person. I guess I agree somewhat, I just believe that if you don't exagerate the situation and are completely honest you can take several peoples advice or opinions and mix them in with your own, you can make a better decision. But anyhow, I guess like I said I'm just thinking out loud........
typical Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Oh my god.....Whatever....do what you want, ruin your life with this coward, believe his lies, let him bankrupt you morally, financially, emotionally and spiritually because that is what it is going to take to have you finally understand. When your heart is ripped out, and your trust in the human race is nonexistant and your children suffer because you are so bitter and you squandered money you could of used to brighten their futures, then maybe you can accept it. I know he still loves her, but he is with me. Thats because he cant be with her, because she doesnt want him, remember? Did you forget what you wrote? : As far as the ex-wife, she wanted a divorce, he didn't and I didn't even know him when they got divorced. They had been divorced for almost 2 years when I met him. He tried everything he could to keep their marraige together, including letting her have affairs as long as she was honest about it. He was with her for nearly 20 years and he loved her, unconditionally. And, if she asked, would he give up on you?? He loved her unconditionally, dont you worry about that?? Or are you so besotted? To be honest, this: did neglect to say that I did tell Steven that "if he slept with his ex-wife not to come back to me that day or even the next", I guess it was a miscommunication on both our parts. I MEAN'T don't expect sex from me anymore and he literally thought I meant not that day or the next. Also, I did tell him that if he did sleep with her again, "I didn't want to know", I MEAN'T just don't sleep with me again, he thought I mean't dont tell me but also don't have sex with me again for a couple of days. Is all just fodder. Seriously. The point is, he was in a RELATIONSHIP with you......people that are in RELATIONSHIPS that plan on staying that way dont prey on misworded statements from their partners and bend it to their liking just so they can justify having sex with someone else..... After his ex-wife cheated on him for so many years, he was really upset to think I was looking for someone else, too. He was hurt and angry Oh thats just rich. He has sex with xwife but is hurt and angry because you put an ad out on a dating service website. he pointed out to me that I did leave off a few key points which would alter some opinions. If you read that post , I did neglect to say that I did tell Steven that "if Who gives a crud what you neglected to say??? He had sex with someone else, he cheated on you...You are both in a relationship...Shouldnt those things go without saying???? Or, in the future, do you have to tack on a 3 page litany to him each and every time you make a comment, so he "understands" exactly what you mean?? Trust me, he is not as dumb as you are making him out to be. I say, use some of that money of yours and do a complete and thorough backround check on his a**. I am starting to wonder if he is even divorced. ...What do you have to lose, you are already going to give him everything and then some. it is only money Oh, its "only money that could be used to ensure my children are recieving the very best in life and wonderful educations"....you mean that money?? you did say: he loved her, unconditionally. How unconditionally?? Enough to pay off all of her bills? Enough to use an innocent woman and her money just to pull the both of them ahead? Would he do anything for her? Including robbing peter to pay paul??? hmmm.... As far as this is concerned: I so desperately want someone to say, "Hey, I was in a similar situation and it all worked out fine". I've just never known anyone to be in a situation quite like mine so I don't have anyone to turn to. Go back and read your first post "Can this work"? A member named Walk went through something similar and posted her experience with this sort of thing. You mentioned: When I found out my ex-husband was gay I was ready to get out of that loveless, sexless marraige anyway. Out of curiosity, how did you know he was gay?? What were the signs? Maybe you could help others and besides, I am mildly curious.
hchris6738k Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 OK HONEY keep re-reading this response from "typical" well said!!! stop making excuses for him! there is always "more" that people don't know, that dosn't make a differance, the good thing about asking other people's opinions that don't know either 1 of you is that they see it as it is !!! it's a clear picture because we're not emotionally envolved! you are his babysitter, doormat, enabler & financial security (it's only money" yea right--i bet he dosn't have the same sentiments about that opinion) i think your head is in the clouds, you're believing what you want to believe! stop believing him, he will have a "good" excuse for everything and try to make you feel bad for having feelings!!!
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