chris58 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now. We're both 25. She's the only girlfriend I've ever had, but she's had quite a few previous boyfriends. I really love her, she's unbelievable and she makes me so happy. I'm wondering if it's normal that I still get an erection basically whenever we touch. I'm not talking about, umm, "special" touching or anything, which we've never done, just hugging or sitting together on a couch. At first I thought it was pretty normal, but after a few months I expected it to calm down a bit, but it's still the same. I guess it's better than having the opposite problem but it's a bit inconvenient and embarrassing. Firstly inconvenient because, say if we're spending a few hours together just watching a movie or something, I have a constant erection, which is a little bit irritating really; I'd like to be able to just snuggle and relax and enjoy it. Secondly it's embarrassing because I wonder if she's noticed, when we hug for example? (I try not to press too hard just in case she does!) I've been so worried that since we started occasionally sleeping in the same bed (just a few times, and just cuddling, nothing more) I've been wearing underwear under pajamas so that it's a bit less obvious, which makes the whole thing even less comfortable for me, because I have an erection the whole bloody night. I wouldn't want her to feel it and notice it if it's not normal, because I wouldn't want her to think that I'm just thinking about sex or I'm pushing her into "going further" or anything. (I'm not; in fact the thought of taking our clothes off or something freaks me out completely for some reason, but I don't care, I just want to cuddle her and relax.) She's a lot more experienced than me so I'm pretty sure she'll know if it is normal or not. Thanks for any responses. I will try to answer any other questions about our relationship if it would be useful.
superconductor Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Perfectly normal. You're just one of those lucky fellows. Undoubtedly she notices, but there's nothing at all wrong with that. Relax.
AwkwardMan Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Wait, is she your sister? You've been with her for a year at age 25 and haven't gone futher than cuddling? You sleep in pajamas? All of my past girlfriends have loved it that they made me hard and would tease me about it; it's quite the compliment to them. I don't understand your relationship though.
Author chris58 Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 Thanks for the replies ... but I'm a bit surprised so just to get this straight: if you're sleeping in the same bed, it's totally normal for the guy to have an erection for the *entire* night? To be honest I'm not sure I'm ready for her to really feel that it's hard so obviously. It seems a bit embarrassing. Wait, is she your sister? Aah. I take it we're a moving a bit slower than normal then. :-)
burning 4 revenge Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 yeah, my last gf slept with me the first night. she even beged me to f*ck her. then again, she asked some other guys the same thing while she was still my gf
lovestruck234 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Aah. I take it we're a moving a bit slower than normal then. :-) *Ding ding ding ding ding*. You are correct!! Wow, my bf and I had sex within 2 - 3 weeks of being together. You are taking things VERY EXTREMELY slow. I am sensing the reason your having these constant erections is because it's calling for you. Calling for you to get inside her ASAP! Lol But really sweetheart, a year is a really long time for you not to be sexually involved. You'll notice once you do start having sex, how important it is to sustain a relationship. You have answered you're own question. The reason you are having erections all the time is because you need to have sex with this girl. That's really all there is to it!
norajane Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 You haven't had sex yet??? Yep, those erections mean your body wants to have sex. If you were having sex regularly with her, you probably wouldn't be getting them just from sitting next to her. The only thing I can suggest is to masturbate just before seeing her. Might help minimize the erections when you're with her, at least for an hour, maybe.
johan Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Two words: Duct tape. Either that or just do her. But I think that won't fix anything. You'll still need the tape.
Author chris58 Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 After looking at a few other threads about similar "problems", it sounds like I'm getting them maybe a bit more often than normal (eg. holding hands), but not ridiculously more than normal. It seems like perhaps the problem I really have is being embarrassed about it ... not just embarrassed in public (which is probably normal), but I'd be embarrassed even if my girlfriend noticed it while we were in bed together. Especially since I've now set a precedent of wearing underpants, which might make it a bit less obvious, I wonder what she's going to think if it's suddenly very obvious! I don't want her to think that I want sex, or even any "more interesting" touching, because, well, I don't. As I said before, it really freaks me out; I mean, I'd like to get there one day I guess, but right now the idea just seems *way* too far off. I guess my body is telling me to do something more (as a few people have suggested) when my mind is nowhere near ready for it yet. I know this sounds kind of illogical, but I'm finding it very stressful. Has anyone out there been through a similar stage?
Outcast Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. You are, after all, just another mammal whose prime directive is to procreate - and your body knows it. So pacify it by making it think it's doing its job.
AwkwardMan Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. You are, after all, just another mammal whose prime directive is to procreate - and your body knows it. So pacify it by making it think it's doing its job. QFT. But um, did you have an usual upbringing? Church related? You're probably in like the .001 percentile of straight men that don't want further touching right now with their girlfriends after a year at age 25.
Darkwall Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I get the impression you're afraid to approach the sex subject with her. Do you maybe think she's not ready yet? IMO by now both of you are in heat for each other. She's without a doubt waiting for you to make the first move. MAKE IT. Try talking to her and asking if she's ready to get "more intimate" or when making out take it a little further. She'll let you know just by following your lead that she wants to. I promise it will happen naturally.
lovestruck234 Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 You're probably in like the .001 percentile of straight men that don't want further touching right now with their girlfriends after a year at age 25. I'll second that!!
Yamaha Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 It is perfectly normal to have erections for long periods of time when you are just cuddling or holding hands. It is your bodies reaction to sexual interest. You have a sexual desire for her so when you are together your body reacts with an erection. I'm sure she has noticed and felt your interest in her and I'm also sure she is pleased at your response. You said she has had much more sexual experience than you so why don't you bring up the subject and let her help you. I'm surprised she is holding her interest back as after you have had sex it is hard to control your desire. Maybe she is waiting for you to decide when you want to have sex. She is certainly not hurrying you so if your scared then let her help you by talking about it to her.
johan Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Carry a cigarette lighter. Whenever you get hard, light the lighter and hold your hand over it until you can't stand it anymore. Then say a long prayer to God asking for forgiveness for your evil nature. Spend the rest of the day reading the Book of Revelations while wearing glasses that are not quite the right prescription.
lovestruck234 Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 Carry a cigarette lighter. Whenever you get hard, light the lighter and hold your hand over it until you can't stand it anymore. Then say a long prayer to God asking for forgiveness for your evil nature. Spend the rest of the day reading the Book of Revelations while wearing glasses that are not quite the right prescription. Ahhh you come up with some brilliant beyond brilliant ideas, Johan.
norajane Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 I'm surprised she is holding her interest back as after you have had sex it is hard to control your desire. Just because she's had sexual experience doesn't mean she's had good sexual experiences. Just sayin'...
Author chris58 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Posted July 27, 2006 But um, did you have an usual upbringing? Church related? You're probably in like the .001 percentile of straight men that don't want further touching right now with their girlfriends after a year at age 25. Pretty standard upbringing. Not religious at all. I was pretty late to develop any interest in girls whatsoever (17 or 18), then was attracted to a few girls who only ever caused me pain. Couldn't believe it when things actually worked out this time. :-) You said she has had much more sexual experience than you so why don't you bring up the subject and let her help you. I'm surprised she is holding her interest back as after you have had sex it is hard to control your desire. She's had much more experience with relationships in general, but she's never had sex either. I don't know exactly "how far she's gone" but I'm pretty sure somewhere further than me. I get the impression you're afraid to approach the sex subject with her. Do you maybe think she's not ready yet? IMO by now both of you are in heat for each other. She's without a doubt waiting for you to make the first move. MAKE IT. Try talking to her and asking if she's ready to get "more intimate" or when making out take it a little further. She'll let you know just by following your lead that she wants to. I promise it will happen naturally. I'm not sure what "a little further" would be. Once we sleep in the same bed, cuddle, hug, kiss ... what's "a little further" without going to touching genitals/breasts or taking clothes off? I kind of need some middle ground to bridge the gap and ease me along, because that stuff's still way too scary! Any specific suggestions? Because it sounds like that's what I need to do to calm my body down a bit.
AwkwardMan Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 You cuddle and kiss, grab her breasts! (Gently.) You should probably talk to her about this; or make some moves, she's probably expecting it.
lovestruck234 Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 I agree with AwkwardMan. But nothing's "too scary". Really, I know that usually your first sexual experiences are somewhat a little daunting, but once you start doing things a little more often, that nervous, "scary" feeling fades away. It's like getting experience with anything. Like riding a bike. Use the training wheels, then when you get real confident and you wanna go ride in the park, take those bitches OFF! Lol By "going a little further", it means things like, kissing her all over (apart from her moo moo), hugging, a slight massage of the breasts, nibble her ear... That should start to unscrew the training wheels a bit. No pun intended! Once you get the hang of it, there really is nothing to it. No-one, epsicially you're gf is expecting you to jump straight into sex, but it would be nice if you start to make your way there. A little bit of tousling goes a LOOOOOONG way, let me tell you. Just let it evolve naturally. do what feels right. Show her how much she means to you. And encourage her to do the same. The reason she hasn't said anything about sex and your erections is cos you're showing not one ounce of interest towards it at all. She may be a little worried.... You gotta let that snake out sonner or later!!
Darkwall Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I'm no expert but, I have had some experience with this awkwardness. What I meant by a little further is what lovestruck interpreted. You've obviously gotten to a certain point with her and then what? Do you stop? Does she stop? If her hands and her lips are still moving then you move. However, if she's just kissing you it's probably because she's waiting for you to lead. This is how most women feel comfortable. What to do... try this... So, you're kissing, touching and you've reached a point where it's time to do more. Try SLOWLY putting your hand under her top and just feel her stomach. Explore her arms, waist, back etc. Women don't just have breasts. They love to be caressed all over. Unless she physically stops you with her hands, don't. If she does... take that opportunity to ask "am i moving too fast?" or "am I making you feel uncomfortable". COMMUNICATE! All the while kiss her try now kissing her in places you haven't been like her tummy. Slowly remove her top. This is usually how "making out" turns into "sex". She's obviously into you so don't be afraid to explore her more than you usually do.
Outcast Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 grab her breasts! (Gently.) Really, not. Don't be grabbing - gently or otherwise. Don't turn 'em like knobs, please. And erogenous zones are all over the body, not just three or four points. Same goes for men, BTW. Pretty much any bit of skin can enjoy being touched; the best lovers are those who don't just go for the goodies but turn you on by getting there in novel and creative (and sensual) ways.
Darkwall Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 the best lovers are those who don't just go for the goodies but turn you on by getting there in novel and creative (and sensual) ways. I AGREE, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. THE BEST LOVERS EXPLORE.
magichands Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 A little bit of tousling goes a LOOOOOONG way, let me tell you. Does she have long hair? Then I guess you should play with it.
lovestruck234 Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 ....what the...? I didn't mean it that way...
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