trillium Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Me first landing here in confusion and despair……http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91280/ Much to my shock, he’s returned and wants to catch-up. First came a text message after five weeks then a full out let’s have dinner. I responded to both the messages but have not seen nor had a lengthy talk with him. “Catch-up” is his expression, and my gut says this dinner is not meant as an end or reconciliation but an open, “Let’s see where things are.” I don’t know what to do. I’m doing significantly better. Gone on a couple low-key dates, spending lots of time with friends and have been out of town for most of the last two weeks traveling. Through a lot of conversations I’ve been processing my feelings for him. That translates to I’ve come to acknowledge how strong my feelings were for him and that I was thinking long term despite my internal denial. I do know I can’t go back to that outwardly casual but emotionally intense relationship we had. That’s the past now. But I’m not sure what to do with him. Part of me is unbelievably flattered that he contacted me first, and I do miss him. Is it worth meeting him for conversation to see where he’s at and how I feel about it? I like where I'm at now emotionally. I also know that if it goes badly, I'll survive. Stay safe or take a chance?
AriaIncognito Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Well, I guess your first question to yourself has to be, is it worth the potential set back, to see where you two are. If the answer is yes, then proceed, with extreme caution. If the answer is no, well then you should probably let him know that you're still trying to get over him and would need more time before you could be friends enough to have a friendly dinner, so to speak. Let us know what you decide on...not sure if it sounds like a potential thread for the second chances board, or not... Jennifer
In Sync Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Me first landing here in confusion and despair……http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91280/ Much to my shock, he’s returned and wants to catch-up. First came a text message after five weeks then a full out let’s have dinner. I responded to both the messages but have not seen nor had a lengthy talk with him. “Catch-up” is his expression, and my gut says this dinner is not meant as an end or reconciliation but an open, “Let’s see where things are.” I don’t know what to do. I’m doing significantly better. Gone on a couple low-key dates, spending lots of time with friends and have been out of town for most of the last two weeks traveling. Through a lot of conversations I’ve been processing my feelings for him. That translates to I’ve come to acknowledge how strong my feelings were for him and that I was thinking long term despite my internal denial. I do know I can’t go back to that outwardly casual but emotionally intense relationship we had. That’s the past now. But I’m not sure what to do with him. Part of me is unbelievably flattered that he contacted me first, and I do miss him. Is it worth meeting him for conversation to see where he’s at and how I feel about it? I like where I'm at now emotionally. I also know that if it goes badly, I'll survive. Stay safe or take a chance? ok, forget this guy. he's aleady laid his cards on the table. of course you miss this guy, but why would you need to catch up with someone who doesn't want to fully commit with you and just go the distance of a casual bu emotionally intense relationship? what is that..were you emotionally invested and he wasn't? Missing someone is natural..it's normal when something ends...but to make yourself available because he text message you after you are doing (and proving to him by going out and living your life) why reopen a wound that's starting to heal. If you like where you are at, trust that your destiny meant for you to go forward not look back. besides that, why jump at his offer for dinner. Looks like your desparate and when he snaps you come running. Make him wait if you must see him.
Author trillium Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 Well, I guess your first question to yourself has to be, is it worth the potential set back, to see where you two are. If the answer is yes, then proceed, with extreme caution. If the answer is no, well then you should probably let him know that you're still trying to get over him and would need more time before you could be friends enough to have a friendly dinner, so to speak. Let us know what you decide on...not sure if it sounds like a potential thread for the second chances board, or not... Jennifer I decided against posting in "Second Chances". I don't know if anything has changed. I don't know that I want to expend the effort because it would be extreme "caution" all the way. I find myself swaying a lot internally from side to side. The whole situation is too murky for me to judge. But I don't feel I have to jump to a conclusion one way or the other just yet.
Author trillium Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 what is that..were you emotionally invested and he wasn't? Missing someone is natural..it's normal when something ends...but to make yourself available because he text message you after you are doing (and proving to him by going out and living your life) why reopen a wound that's starting to heal. If you like where you are at, trust that your destiny meant for you to go forward not look back. besides that, why jump at his offer for dinner. Looks like your desparate and when he snaps you come running. Make him wait if you must see him. You hit it on the head about reopening the wound. It's not completely healed, but I'm up and functioning again. The casual nature of our relationship was initially a mutally agreed upon situation. I was hesitant to get involved with someone eight years my junior, and I wasn't ready for anything serious when it began. So we dated others and kept things relatively light until we progressively discovered that we genuinely like and prefer each other's company. And we've each been getting our lives in order during this time. That's where he started pushing for something more and then freaked himself out and headed for the hills. Agreed on the dinner offer. I didn't jump at it, but that's because I've had the honest excuse of being out of town these last few weeks. We'll see if it comes again and if I'm ready to stick my neck out in any fashion. My own personal history with any kind of second chance phenomena is 50/50. One was well worth the risk, and the other prolonged a nightmare another 6-7 months. It's the latter that makes me pause. I knew I'd hear from him someday since he maintains friendships with his previous girlfriends, but I expected it to be way down the line. The quick return is throwing me off.
daphne Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 It's the latter that makes me pause. And so it should. My ex came back last time in 5 weeks. He was still the same person. Still pursuing me with the idea of leaving town regardless. My guess is that he couldn't understand my ability to not contact him, and move on. I was in a much better place when he came back, than I am now 5 weeks after our last conversation. I was moving on and I didn't care what he did. But he kept coming back and felt like he had to get the last word that he's leaving and that has really stuck me in the gut. I would probably be over him by now had he not wasted another month trying to get me to fall for him again. I'm not a fan of seeing the ex to give them a chance to string you along. If they want you back, it's pretty obvious that you just lay your cards out and tell someone. Everything else is bull****. It's an ego boost. Let me see if I can reel this person in again because I"m uncomfortable with the fact that they can be happy and move on without me. That's a very selfish person.
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