paperazzi Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 My hubby left me for another woman and began living with her two weeks after he moved out. We have two kids together (he has rejected his stepson altogether quite abruptly) that are young but he does have access. I had mixed feelings about access because he immediately stepped from one bed to another with no warning. Does anybody know what kind of impact this can have on the kids? How on earth can I raise them with values when they see something as stupid as this? I am very, very concerned about my kids ability to deal with it (especially my oldest son, 8yrs, who has not only had the only father he's really known run out on him, but knows there's new instant-presto family to boot that he's been abandoned for). For what it's worth, she has three kids as well (she left her devoted hubby of 15 years for the moron I was married to - I just know she's traded down!) and they're a bit older. They're having a horrible time dealing with it - very confused, angry and lashing out. I'm just looking for information ie- website or something - that addresses this kind of problem because from what I can see, it's not altogether that uncommon.
tinktronik Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 Don't restrict access based soley on the basis that he is sleeping with someone else.It is your job to act rationally ,instead of only emotionally. I would suggest if the kids are acting out to seek some family therapy for them.
Curmudgeon Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Just as children are different, so, too, are their reactions. However, it will be up to you to instill in them a value for marriage, relationship, love, dedication, loyalty, constancy, respect and monogamy. That will help undo some of the damage their father has done. It wouldn't hurt to explore some counseling for the children. There are both a grief process and a healing process they have to work through and a lot of anger and upset for them to get over. More than that, they will likely have some abandonment issues to work through as well. Best of luck. It's going to take awhile.
Gunny376 Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 come acrros is A book called "Second Chances" by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. They intially did a study of the effect of divorce on children funded for five years. What they found was that the effects went beyond the "OK, Mom and Dad are getting divorce. They got additional funding, and found out tha that it goes on and on into the child 20's and 30's and even 40's ISBN 0-89919-648-9
Author paperazzi Posted August 7, 2006 Author Posted August 7, 2006 Thanks for the tip, Gunny. I've read that for however bad divorce is for kids, their suffering is tripled or quadrupled when a parent leaves another and immediately begins living with an affair partner. It does make me really concerned how I can best raise them. I do try to separate the emotional from the practical but on a gut level, this just doesn't seem the right. The OW's own kids (three older boys) are reeling. They're coming apart at the seams with migraines, "stomach flus" and huge behavioral issues. They're living with her half the time. My oldest son (the ex's stepson) doesn't see the stepdad anymore and I think that's best. More like a death that way.
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