francis Posted July 23, 2006 Posted July 23, 2006 My story is here on loveshack, going back over the past year. Basically, he KNOWS how I feel about him, but he won't drop it. It's been one month since I heard from him, or responded to his last email and I have been trying to forget about him. The last exchange we had was based on me asking him for reconciliation, and the fact that he couldnt be sure about his feelings towards me and that he was scared of making the same mistakes we made last time, if we reconciled. He emailed me today with this; "hi... how are you?? i am sorry to bother you. i just want to see how you are doing and if you know what you are going to do next.... hope everything is going well..." This is what I am trying to sum up from this email; he has no idea how much he has hurt me. I would like some advice on what to do next. I am trying to be pragmatic, put it into perspective and see it from a totally 'friend zone' point of view, but he writes this, KNOWING how I feel about him. Do I? 1. Ignore it. 2. Email back, short, cold and sweet. Ask no questions. 3. Email back, long response, explain again how I feel and that I canNOT keep in touch with him as it hurt too much. Any other suggestions are gratefully received. I wish I could read his mind to know his motivation for writing this, now, after everything.
In Sync Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Uh, this guy is seeking to keep you hooked on him. It's selfish. First you should have blocked his e-mail or deleted it without having read it. Obviously the temptation was too much so you read it and now he's back the forefront of your thoughts...This is real simple JUST IGNORE IT. Look if he really cared he would send you something more in the line of 'I'm sorry. I'd like to reconcile.' Simple. Then if you really wanted to reconcile that's a reason to respond. Anything else he sends is just f**king with your head. People are selfish creatures, maybe he's not intentionally being manipulative but as you are the one who will twist her brain and heart over this...how do you benefit by responding? P.S. Don't make excuses for this guy "he has no idea how much he has hurt me." He knows. Everyone knows when they hurt someone, it's called denial when we say they have no idea.
Heavenseventeen Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 He's messing with your head- I would personally delete it off. He knows that you'll always be there. Not anymore. You can't just sit there and let him mess you around. Take charge. Take action. Take control of your life. Move on.
Author francis Posted July 24, 2006 Author Posted July 24, 2006 I deleted it! It's gone... I cannot reply. I can't let myself down in that way. I'm just getting my self-respect back. I had the right perspective a month ago, when it hit me like a splash of cold water...he's playing me for a fool. I gave him the final chance, I offered reconciliation but he flaked out on me once again. This email only struck me as strange timing, and hit my soft spot because I dreamt about him two days ago. It was vivid and brought back the pain and longing. Then the email arrives and it just caught me offguard. I actually cannot believe he has the nerve to even come to me with any form of contact. He is the one that is deluded! It's funny how we dress these things up actually, we put our ex's on a pedestal of perfection, thinking that they are all goodness and light. I KNOW he doesnt want me enough. I KNOW he has another girlfriend. The fact he is pursuing contact with me whilst with another girl makes me respect him less. Its a shame the facts get blurred when our emotions take over. I just want to see this guy for what he is, over and over, keep reminding myself. He played me for over a year, sending me gifts, leading me on. But, I let him. I am not the victim. I just need a dose of clean, cold LS to sharpen my senses. Thank goodness it's here!
In Sync Posted July 24, 2006 Posted July 24, 2006 Smart woman. You not only just deleted an e-mail you made the choice to do something about not going back to a person who could potentially hurt you again. I think that when we decide to do good for ourselves the doors of opportunity open up...and from what you stated you have been getting out and meeting others. Somewhere in one of those dates may be the right man for you who is sincere!
daphne Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Francis, You are my personal hero. It's so rare to see a woman who's strong enough to say that she's not putting up with some jackass's bull**** anymore. You smelled it as it was. Foul. He sounds like my ex when my ex came back. Although he came back bearing gifts. Makes it a little tougher to smell the bull**** when there's gifts. That's my excuse. You did the right thing. He's still wishy washy string you along guy. And he probably will continue to be that way so you've lost nothing in deleting the email. What is it with all of the ex males coming back after a month? I'm seeing this stuff everywhere. Must be in teh water.
In Sync Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 What is it with all of the ex males coming back after a month? I'm seeing this stuff everywhere. Must be in teh water. I'm mystified by anyone voluntarily wanting to meet up with the ex who broke it off once you've move on. What's the point in pretending that the pink elephant in the livingroom, you know the one with the words this person I'm pretending to be normal with dumped me and didn't value me, hanging around it' neck, but we'll act like we're cool. What for does anyone need to do that?
Author francis Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 Ha ha, thanks guys... Wishy washy string you along guy! spot on! that is exactly what he was! I don't know about being a hero Daphne, it took me a long time 'walking through the fire' to get here...too long. Insync, you are so right it's unbelievable. That is exactly what it would be like, I would feign composure and pleasantries across email, he would act like there was absolutely no bad feeling existing between us in his, and underlying it all was this VAST amount of unsaid hurt inside me. So it made a mockery of me, of my feelings, hiding so much, being a fool. And for what gain? NOTHING> I gained nothing! Apart from, actually, to be able to crack a wry smile that he's still stupid enough to try and reel me in again.
LaraV Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 I'm mystified by anyone voluntarily wanting to meet up with the ex who broke it off once you've move on. What's the point in pretending that the pink elephant in the livingroom, you know the one with the words this person I'm pretending to be normal with dumped me and didn't value me, hanging around it' neck, but we'll act like we're cool. What for does anyone need to do that? In Sync - This is exactly how I feel. I have a friend who got dumped a few months back and she still insists on being "best friends" with him. I know the guy and he just doesn't care about her anymore! What gives! I just don't get it. I still love my ex to death. My breakup is still recent and I'm still caught up in a rollercoaster of emotions, but man, the last thing I want to do is FACE the guy who rejected me. I mean, WHY? This is person that basically said, "I don't want you." WHY, oh WHY would anyone want to go back to that. I write this through tears because it hurts me so much, but it's about dignity!
In Sync Posted July 25, 2006 Posted July 25, 2006 Ha ha, thanks guys... Wishy washy string you along guy! spot on! that is exactly what he was! I don't know about being a hero Daphne, it took me a long time 'walking through the fire' to get here...too long. Insync, you are so right it's unbelievable. That is exactly what it would be like, I would feign composure and pleasantries across email, he would act like there was absolutely no bad feeling existing between us in his, and underlying it all was this VAST amount of unsaid hurt inside me. So it made a mockery of me, of my feelings, hiding so much, being a fool. And for what gain? NOTHING> I gained nothing! Apart from, actually, to be able to crack a wry smile that he's still stupid enough to try and reel me in again. Dear Francis and LaraV, As I don't want to mislead you into thinking I'm spewing road of 'Off with his head mode!'....I would like to offer you my sincere advice and it's not a contradiction. Now that you've made the decision to move on and not resume contact...let the whole matter go. Let go of any grudge against him. Resist the urges of reminding yourself daily of all the wrongs he's done to you. By letting it go, send him off in your mind to be free to be someone else's lesson. AND really be happy for him. (This doesn't require you to call him up and say as much) Who knows maybe he'll realize that the next woman he is with he will treat better and honestly. But if you keep a score card in your mind you will have defeated your efforts to walk away. And it will prevent good stuff coming your way. How can I say this? Hmmmm, this is coming from someone who was on her knees crying and in despair over being rejected. Every day I too fight the urge to go into the score carding of off the wrongs my ex did. (Oh by the way it's a day to day effort) But it's over and I learned that if I keep holding a grudge it makes my life miserable. So I look in my heart and when that resentment bubbles up I say "I forgive what happened." BTW, it works...my life wasn't meant to be miserable with the ex, waiting pleading or begging. I've done my suffering grieving and hating...now it's time for me to clear the path and remove that negative stuff and I can only begin by letting go of grudges.
Author francis Posted July 25, 2006 Author Posted July 25, 2006 Sigh...wise words It is about letting go, just releasing the whole thing like a balloon in the wind...let go of the string I dont want to carry bitterness, I consider myself more mature than that In a way it's just about two people crossing paths in life, and reaching the point where the paths split off in different directions I dont have the energy or motivation to keep scorecards really...The whole chapter belongs closed now for good so there is no point squashing my dignity for any more of his small offerings... I really do feel like it's done, it's over...sometimes, no matter how hard you try for things, they just don't slot into place and other things, just fall in your lap...its funny that but i agree once you get to a place you can let go and be free of any grudge then you yourself can get right back to being happy and that is actually within your control why not grasp at that opportunity that is what I am striving to do
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